A Sh***y Trip in Heaps

[Iceaxe]

I just sorting through my old files and found this Heaps TR someone sent me.... pretty funny stuff

A Sh***y Trip in Heaps
by Anonymous

The intent was to solo down Heaps overnight. I figured my partner would be a no-show and I would be able to go alone. But that was not the case. I found her in the Bit and Spur parking lot. While she sorted gear I ran into the Park and got a permit for an overnighter, to be out by the next evening. Back at the parking lot I learned that R.S. not only had left my watch in Las Vegas, but she had also shown up with a tiny pack, a thin shortie wetsuit, and no drybags. Worse, she had brought her dog along and couldn't find the doggy- sitter in Springdale. These were all omens I stupidly ignored.

I lent her a 3-2 wetsuit and the 7mm jacket I was going to wear over my own 3-2 wetsuit. I pulled a pack out of my truck, punched three holes in the bottom for drainage, and told her to pack her stuff in it. The only dry bag I could find was just big enough for the dry clothes we would need.

I had real misgivings about her taking the dog along but she insisted and I caved. She hid her dog, a small neurotic bug-eyed Papillon, in her backpack as we rode the shuttle into the park. It was dark by the time we arrived at the Grotto trailhead. Within an hour we were high on the ridge past the Saddle behind Angel's Landing. We slept an hour and then hiked quickly to Camp 2. We had made good time and could afford a few more hours of sleep.

It was cold and I just fidgeted without sleeping. My second night without sleep. It was past 5:00 when I first tried to wake R.S. She refused to budge. I tried again an hour later and she still refused. Yet another hour later I tried again, and she refused again. I grabbed my pack and left her there, fully intending to solo Heaps as I had planned. Unfortunately she caught up with me again as I retrieved a cached rope and was repacking at Camp IV.

As we started out on the ridge toward Phantom Valley, R.S. immediately began having problems with the dog, fell behind and got lost. I waited endlessly at the second rappel and finally decided to go back up the ridge and find her. She had been fussing with the dog and I reminded her that there was no turning back after the second rappel and that she needed to carry the damned dog in her pack.

Finally at noonish, about 4 hours behind schedule, we arrived at the first potholes. I put on my wetsuit and she put on my other suit and the jacket. The dog was going to be a big problem. At each pothole she would coax it in and out of the drybag to coddle it. It caused serious delays at every rappel and swim. I was carrying all the weight and waiting for her for long periods of time in the cold water. Worse, on the very first swim she had tried to carry the dog across in an open dry bag. The bag filled with water and soaked our few dry clothes and the matches. This made me angrier and prompted her to change tactics with the dog. At each pothole and rappel she would put the dog in the drybag, roll it up so it was bulging with air, then seal it. At the end of the rappel or swim she would open the bag to give the dog some air. This fussing with the dog consumed an enormous amount of time, and by 4:00 we were only midway through the second narrows, where we encountered a pothole obstacle that required a 25-foot swim and some traversing to the platform. The maneuver seemed like it took only a few minutes, but it was apparently longer, because when R.S. arrived at the platform and opened the bag, Bimbo was as dead as a doornail

[Scott Card]

I remember reading this. This is truly a classic and one that I have told in the car to those that had not heard it while we were on the way to canyons. This cracks me up every time I think about it. Mouth to mouth on a mutt

[Iceaxe]

If I remember right this occurred in 2004. The story made the rounds of the various canyoneering cadres when it first happened. I had forgotten all about it until I was cleaning out some old files and ran across it..... the story makes me laugh every time I read it.

[erial]

I got word this weekend that Disney, my bro-in-law's 14 year old retriever is being put down this week . Over the years, Ol' Dis and the rest of the Riverview Dr mutts would always insist on accompanying me whenever I'd go for a run out thru the Boonville woods and fields. The local farmers may not miss that dog, but I will.

That Heaps tale illustrates, at least for me, that dogs like women can prove to be exasperating at times, but in the end they are still lovable.

[Iceaxe]

I got word this weekend that Disney, my bro-in-law's 14 year old retriever is being put down this week .

I had to put down my dog of 14 years recently. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

[erial]

I got word this weekend that Disney, my bro-in-law's 14 year old retriever is being put down this week .

I had to put down my dog of 14 years recently. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

My brother in law worked the third shift throughout that dog's life. Every morning RC would wearily drive his truck down the driveway. Everyone else would be gone to school or work, but that dog would be faithfully waiting, wagging her tail. RC said he spent the weekend digging a hole down below the house and also building a marker with his ailing dog by his side the whole time. He says he'll drive Disney to the vet some time this week and the vet will give the dog a pill. By the time they get back home Dis will be gone and many tears will be shed.

[tanya]

I got word this weekend that Disney, my bro-in-law's 14 year old retriever is being put down this week .

I had to put down my dog of 14 years recently. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

My brother in law worked the third shift throughout that dog's life. Every morning RC would wearily drive his truck down the driveway. Everyone else would be gone to school or work, but that dog would be faithfully waiting, wagging her tail. RC said he spent the weekend digging a hole down below the house and also building a marker with his ailing dog by his side the whole time. He says he'll drive Disney to the vet some time this week and the vet will give the dog a pill. By the time they get back home Dis will be gone and many tears will be shed.

How sad Jeff

[erial]

at the risk of going further off topic, but in order to get some distance from sad: my stepson Jay has a very spirted boxer named Jax. Jay not too long ago slipped on a scary Halloween mask and turned around to greet his dog. Jax bolted thru the glass of the front door. Between the door and dog repairs the joke was on Jay.

[Iceaxe]

Jay not too long ago slipped on a scary Halloween mask and turned around to greet his dog. Jax bolted thru the glass of the front door. Between the door and dog repairs the joke was on Jay.

I now have a one year old Red Bone Hound Dog. Sage weights about 80 pounds. A couple nights ago I was downstairs in the dark. Sage walked down to get something to drink and I jumped out and scared him... Sage ran wild up the stairs and through the living room knocking over two big plants on his dash to elude the monster.

[Sombeech]

OMG that Heaps story is awesome

[tanya]

What a man will do to please a female.

[denaliguide]

What a man will do to please a female.

it's all for the perks.

a book called "the games climbers play" by ken wilson, talks about why guys would take a girl climbing. still appropo today. the essay was called "doing it for the perks".

[EvergreenDean]

it's all for the perks.

a book called "the games climbers play" by ken wilson, talks about why guys would take a girl climbing. still appropo today. the essay was called "doing it for the perks".

Been needing a new book. Just ordered this. Thanks for the tip

[ilipichicuma]

That story is amazing. I laughed out loud when I read the part about opening up the dry bag and the dog being dead! (Not that I like dead dogs, mind you, it was just hilarious!)