Beer and the Wheel

[MTpockets]

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and
live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel
was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans
were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group
hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat
raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, Marines and generally anyone who works
productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history It should be
noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative
will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth
of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to
other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them
off.

[MTpockets]