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Thread: Offensive to everyone (don't say I didn't warn you!)

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    Offensive to everyone (don't say I didn't warn you!)

    Teacher asks Billy; "If you have five sweets and Mohammed asks for one, how many will you have left?"

    Billy; "Five"

    -----------------

    Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.

    Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?"

    Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."

    Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."

    Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

    -----------------

    Wife says to husband "You only ever want sex when you're drunk"

    Husband says " that's not true....... sometimes I want a kebab"

    -----------------

    My son asked me today what's the difference between a crow and a blackbird.

    I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks and fan shaped tails.

    A blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair and a massive arse.

    -----------------

    I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great.
    She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.

    -----------------
    After the tsunami an Aussie and a Yank aid worker are helping out in Japan on the damaged nuclear plant.

    Yank says, "You from round here, buddy?"

    "No," he replies, " Newcastle "

    "What State's that in?" asks the Yank.

    "Pretty much the same as this place!"

    -----------------

    Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship...

    She replied "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"

    -----------------
    A man approaches a young good looking woman in a shop. he says" I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

    The woman says "Sure but do you have any idea where your wife is?"

    "Not a clue" he says" But whenever I talk to a beautiful woman with tits like yours she appears out of nowhere!"

    -----------------

    Following the recent Earthquake the Chinese government have thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent out.
    They said they were delicious!

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