Woman Kills Three For Last X-Box at Chicago Wal-Mart

[accadacca]

A woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One.

Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver.

The victim's names have not yet been released, but are said to include a sociology student at Northwestern University, a chemistry teacher at at local high school and a young pregnant woman buying a system for her brother.

Robbins fled the scene and was apprehended at home hours later after police identified her license plates on the store's surveillance camera. Although many are shocked by the senseless violence, the alleged perpetrator is unrepentant.

"Of course I'd do it all over again," Robbins proclaimed from a Cook County jail cell. "My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police.

"Shopping isn't a hobby for me, it's a war. So I have to spend a little time behind bars. So what? I didn't punk out. I fought hard for my family, and I'm proud of that."

Today's incident of shopping violence comes on the heels of what experts are describing as the deadliest Black Friday weekend ever. All across the country people are dying at an increased pace. This year will drastically exceed last years death totals for this Holiday season.

[bigred72]

Just another sad version of The Onion..... Glad I stopped halfway through and checked out who this "news agency was." I almost want to call you a douche.

[denaliguide]

you got me. bastard.

[accadacca]

The story gets more and more far fetched as it goes. Clever writing!

[rockgremlin]

The sad thing is....This could very well be fact. Mob rulz

[double moo]

I was just about to send this to our congressmen to see if we could get "black Friday" banned. Or maybe Christmas shopping in general. Or at least phillips screw drivers. Luckily I finished reading....

[accadacca]

Or at least phillips screw drivers.

Sharpened!

[Bootboy]

Haha! Had me going for a second, I suspected it was fake because had it been real, we'd have heard about it already. I was searching news outlets all day on Friday looking for stories of senseless mob violence.

[erial]

and in unrelated news . . .

FORT HUACHUCA, AZ