Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Editorial: Good/Bad Canyon Names

  1. #1

    Editorial: Good/Bad Canyon Names

    In the world of canyoneering there are some clever canyon names and some that are blatantly obnoxious. Here are my ‘best/worst’ of each:

    The Best:

    #7 Neon
    A rare instance of the name exceeding the quality of the canyon. It's not a bad canyon, but a really good name that inspires visions of vividly colored sandstone.


    #6 Inferno
    If you have ever read Dante's book then the name will certainly spark your curiosity.


    #5 Sandthrax
    An epic story that inspired an epic name for an epic canyon. Sandthrax even sounds mean.


    #4 Pandora's Box
    What is more appealing to a canyoneer than a seemingly endless treasure trove full of problems?


    #3 Mindbender
    A great name, probably better pinned on Not Mindbender. It just didn't work out that way.


    #2 Leprechaun
    From young kids to the elderly, this name captures everyone's imagination. A fantastic name for three of the premier canyons in the North Wash. It's no wonder that Shamrock and Shimrock and... and... the other one... never caught on.


    #1 Kaleidoscope
    It's a shame that this name wasn't in circulation sooner, because it is widely known by another name. In a time where the PSP has displaced this children's toy, this name is under-appreciated. Kaleidoscope is a brilliant descriptor of this multi-faceted canyon, making it the best of the best.

    The Worst:

    #8 Pothoez
    It's easy to envision a pimp keeping his employees ‘in check’ when you hear this name. Did Snoop Dogg complete the first descent of this canyon? If so, is the road to get out there Cadillac friendly?


    #7 Shinob Canyon - Nighthawk (Y-bru-sats) Fork
    Just try and invite your buddies to do this canyon with you. They will hang up on you before you can tell them the complete name.


    #6 In The Butte Bob
    Somewhere Bevis and Butthead are chuckling at this one. Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh. Who let their 13 year old boy name this? Just try telling your coworkers about your kickass weekend 'In the Butte'. Most people don't even know what a butte is. Awkward.


    #5 Water Canyon
    So boring. "Sandstone Canyon isn't dull enough... so let's name it Water Canyon!" The fact that there are two canyons in Utah with this name makes the situation even worse.


    #4 Shillelagh Canyons
    Since the Shillelagh craze of 1724, this once fashionable Irish disagreement-settler has been on a steady popularity decline. The band members of Flogging Molly would have no idea how to pronounce the name; and it will break your spellchecker if you dared try to spell check it. It's just a silly name compared to the other creative names in the North Wash neighborhood.


    #3 Larry Canyon
    Visions of a comedian drowning in denim flash through my mind whenever I hear the name 'Larry". It's a shame that the name stuck to such a good canyon. Whoever thought of it didn't git-r-done.


    #2 Whatever-Mile-Number Canyon
    I understand that people haven't gotten around to finding names for some of these canyons. However, some of them have been deliberately named this way. Seriously? Couldn't come up with something better? Did you name your daughter 'Number 3' because you ran out of names after your first two kids? Also, who does blah-blah-blah-mile canyon and isn't tempted to rename it?


    #1 SOS, DDI, MMI, or any other arrangement of 3 letters

    I'll pick on SOS, because it is the worst of the worst.


    SOS was originally named Scorpion West by a group that did a portion of the canyon, then left the most difficult section undescended. Later, the canyon was completed and renamed SOS. Completing the canyon was a big-time achievement in the canyoneering department, but an epic fail in the naming department. It's nondescript, not creative and not Google friendly. It's simply a terrible name for arguably the most treacherous canyon in Utah. The canyon's difficulty and mythical status warrant a much better name. If I ever meet Aaron, Stevee B or Landon, I will beg them to give it a better name. For now, I'll stick with Scorpion West; because I'll never carry the energy to explain the vague alphabet soup that has been pinned to this ferocious canyon.



    Disclaimer: This editorial was plagiarized from the computer in my office. References not available upon request.
    THE MOST TALKED ABOUT CANYONEERING TRIP OF 2017 - WEST CANYON VIA HELICOPTER.
    TRIP REPORTS: TIGER | BOBCAT | OCELOT | LYNX | SABERTOOTH | CHEETAH | PORCUPINE | LEOPARD

    DON'T BE A STRANGER, LEAVE A COMMENT AND/OR SUBSCRIBE.
    WWW.AMAZINGSLOTS.BLOGSPOT.COM



  2. Likes Udink, Absolute Gravity liked this post
  3. # ADS
    Circuit advertisement
    Join Date
    Always
    Location
    Advertising world
    Posts
    Many
     

  4. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Slot Machine View Post
    If so, is the road to get out there Cadillac friendly?
    24" rims and hydros and you're ready for anything. Just flip the switch!

  5. Likes Slot Machine liked this post
  6. #3
    Moderator jman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Above you and looking down
    Posts
    3,717
    Blog Entries
    1
    Haha this is great! Thanks Bob for "plagiarizing" this. Hahaha
    ●Canyoneering 'Canyon Conditions' @ www.candition.com
    ●Hiking Treks (my younger brother's website): hiking guides @ www.thetrekplanner.com
    "He who walks on the edge...will eventually fall."
    "There are two ways to die in the desert - dehydration and drowning." -overhearing a Park Ranger at Capitol Reef N.P.
    "...the first law of gear-dynamics: gear is like a gas - it will expand to fit the available space." -Wortman, Outside magazine.
    "SEND IT, BRO!!"

  7. Likes Slot Machine liked this post
  8. #4
    Hahaha, I like it. Good read, thanks for posting.

    "Larry" is definitely a dull name for a canyon that's pretty pretttty prettttttty pretty good.

  9. Likes Slot Machine liked this post
  10. #5
    Awesome Bob, love this. In good spirit too. Ha ha.

  11. Likes Slot Machine liked this post
  12. #6
    Fat Man's Misery is a very appropriate name for that particular canyon....
    Only Dead Fish Go With The Flow

  13. Likes blueeyes liked this post
  14. #7
    Some on the 'worst names' list were in use long before canyoneers came to town.

    Twin Corral Box is a fine, long-established name, and it's a shame that canyoneers with no imagination called it 'Alcatraz' instead.

    But the worst name is Cameltoe. Based on the slang meaning of the name... I imagine that this stupid, misogynistic name was given by a 12 year old who spends there time perusing Victoria Secret catalogs for, uh, the articles or something. I have always hoped that a real adult guidebook author will come along someday and give this canyon a more deserving name, but alas the name appears to have stuck. It appears 'having respect and humility' for canyons only extends to bolts.

    It reminds me of the Decadent Wall in City of Rocks. For those who don't know the story, courtesy of Schlock and Vice:


    Idaho's City of Rocks has the Decadent Wall, with a range of names guaranteed to offend somebody. The National Organization for Women took some hostile interest in its sexist flavor, and Dave Bingham's latest guidebook to the City includes this caveat: "In the early 1980s Utah climber Jay Goodwin coined the 'decadent' theme, using sexually-oriented names for about a dozen climbs. I decided to omit some names because they are idiotic and were not given by the first ascentionists."

    Bingham's guidebook lists these names: Dikes on Harleys, Kibbles and Bits, Adolescent Homosapien, Divine Decadence and FDC. The original guidebook had more specifically listed: Dykes on Harleys, Nipples and Clits, Adolescent Homo, Devine Decadence and [unprintable]. Other original route names included Rancid Virgins, Dimples and Tits, Preteen Sex, Abortion on Parade, Life Without Sex and Estrogen Imbalance. (I recently encountered Goodwin having dinner in Almo, the closest community to the City of Rocks, enjoying looking through the charming homework papers and drawings of his 6-year-old daughter. I neglected to solicit his thoughts about the Decadent Wall routes or whether he thought his daughter would better appreciate Dad's original names or Bingham's tidied-up ones.)

  15. #8
    No one gave the canyon the name "Alcatraz", the name came from a story called "Escape from Alcatraz" written by Scott Patterson. Canyoneers just started calling it Alcatraz after the story was written. The full story is here:

    Escape from Alcatraz
    by Scott Patterson

    I like the name, because it has a great story.

    A lot of canyons received their names from a good story.

    Das Boot
    by Dave Pitney

    comes to mind... now if you only knew the full story to Cameltoe you might have a different opinion.... or not....

  16. #9
    And for those that really hate bad canyon names.... originally my plan was to beta the Poison Spring slots using names of songs by the 80’s metal band Poison.

    Slideanide was almost “Unskinny Bop”…. But on the hike out after completing Arscenic and Slideanide the group thankfully came up with some names I consider pretty good. Constrychnine originally had some lame name until Stefan suggest the name now commonly used.


  17. #10

  18. Likes Slot Machine liked this post
  19. #11
    Content Provider Emeritus ratagonia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Quiet and charming: Mount Carmel
    Posts
    7,158
    Quote Originally Posted by mdd View Post
    Twin Corral Box is a fine, long-established name, and it's a shame that canyoneers with no imagination called it 'Alcatraz' instead.
    Twin Corral Box is a large canyon SYSTEM with many forks, of which Alcatraz is a minor fork. Calling it "Twin Corral Box" would be lame, as it is far from the main stem of that canyon. Calling it "North Fork TCB" would also be non-specific.

    The original guidebook had more specifically listed: Dykes on Harleys, Nipples and Clits, Adolescent Homo, Devine Decadence and [unprintable].
    The only climb I have done there (on toprope) is Nipples and Clits, and I thought the name was very descriptive of the size and nature of the holds on the route.


  20. #12
    It's true, there are lots of lame canyon names and lame names for climbs. People need to grow up and not have the mind of a gutter rat. The names issue is an interesting one because when you hear a great one, you think, 'I'm glad they changed that.' But when you hear an exceptionally lame one, you think, 'I'd probably prefer the original name of South Branch of the North Fork of Great Western Canyon.'

Similar Threads

  1. [News] Utah's Canyon Country Names - Steve Allen
    By Iceaxe in forum Canyoneering
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 01-18-2013, 08:27 PM
  2. My Editorial
    By Scott P in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-02-2012, 01:52 PM
  3. New Orleans Times-Picayune Editorial cartoon today
    By savanna3313 in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-08-2010, 05:22 PM
  4. Daily Herald Editorial on Open Carry
    By jumar in forum Hunting & Shooting
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-16-2008, 03:27 PM
  5. Editorial on illegal immigration
    By RugerShooter in forum The Political Arena
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-21-2007, 10:38 AM

Visitors found this page by searching for:

Outdoor Forum

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •