Online Divorce papers?

[Dman]

So I think that after 24 years together and 16 years of marriage with 3 wonderful kids, the wife and I need to move on. Too much to go into and we don't have money for a lawyer so do the online divorce papers work for an un contested situation? I don't really know what else to do and I'm pretty sure we can't work it out to stay together.

[DiscGo]

I'm so sorry to hear that. What a tough situation. A good friend of mine is an attorney. Let me text him and get back to you.

[Dman]

Thanks man. It's tough but not as tough as it has been.

[BruteForce]

Wow! Don't know how to comment. The wife and I agreed to a shotgun divorce over 24 years ago. She gets the single round 10ga and I get the multi-round 12ga. 10 paces, turn and shoot.

Sorry to read this. Do what's best for you, the wife and any kids..

[Iceaxe]

So long as you and the wife agree on everything a divorce can be cheap. Just a couple hundred dollars to have a lawyer file, you can do it yourself but you will save a lot of headaches using the lawyer. The problems and money drain happen when the two of you each get your own lawyer and fight in court... lawyers love that crap.

Good luck.

Tap'n on my Galaxy G3

[tomertim]

Sorry man. Been down a divorce road when I was 22. Hell, we were just young pups with no kids and it still was horrible.

I'm sorry to hear about anyone that has to go through this.

[Scott Card]

Dman, sorry to hear this. I have been through this with a few hundred clients. A couple of suggestions, I personally don't like the online system as it is confusing to many people who don't speak legal-eze. Many clients have paid me a lot of money to fix screw-ups made with the online paperwork that could have easily been avoided with an hour or two of consultation from a lawyer. If you choose to go the online route, do yourself a favor and have a lawyer review your work before signing and filing.

My next suggestion is for the both of you to hire a lawyer or former judge to mediate the dispute. This way you get the advantage of a lawyer helping you both through the disputes and the lawyer will prepare the proper paperwork for you. If you are willing to drive to Fillmore or north, I would be happy to mediate this for you. Also, mediation rates are cheaper than regular divorce attorney hourly rates. There are good mediators in St. George I am sure who will not only mediate the case but will also do the paperwork.

Finally, if there is any way to work out your issues, I really would suggest you try that first.

Feel free to pm me or call me and I can better explain the process over the phone (for free!).

[Dman]

Wow! Don't know how to comment. The wife and I agreed to a shotgun divorce over 24 years ago. She gets the single round 10ga and I get the multi-round 12ga. 10 paces, turn and shoot.

Sorry to read this. Do what's best for you, the wife and any kids..

Yeah, I told my wife when we were dating that I would have one wedding and one funeral and she could decide when the funeral would be. I was joking of course but I dated her for 8 years cause I watched all my friends get married, have a kid, and get divorced. Something just broke in her along the way and she has been living a lie for about 5 years and it's all just coming to the surface. Our therapist doesn't even know what to think.

[Dman]

Thanks Scott, i may take you up on it. I want to work it out and i love her just as much as I ever have but she has done some things that are making it difficult to work through and she says that she hasn't been in love with me for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I have had my share of struggles but I never ever stopped loving her in spite of the things we have gone through together. I guess I took my vows for better or worse a little different than she did.

[Deathcricket]

Yeah man it's real easy to do so long as you both agree. Just go to http://www.utcourts.gov/howto/divorce/ and follow the proceedure. I disagree that you need to consult an attorney. I filled out all the paperwork simply and there was nothing surprising on it at all. I then submitted it to my "soon to be" ex wife and it would have proceeded as normal. How ever in my case she was just being cooperative to clean out stocks, bank accounts, and other assets. Then she lawyered up and took me through the ringer. in the end through my opening offer I put into the online paperwork was a much better deal than she actually got. And she had to refund all the money and assets she tried to get away with and I stressed about nothing. I was also being nice and going to make her car payment, pay her cobra healthcare, give her alimony, stuff like that. but really you just split everything 50/50 and it's done.

You do need to get a mediator though I think to finalize your details. It's basically a retired judge who isn't on either of your sides and will give you and her a fair deal. My advice to you is to avoid court at all costs, even if it starts to get ugly. Pretty much every time I've gone to court I've gotten screwed. The judges here in STG make zero sense, totally whacky. But to be fair he's screwed her over too. It's almost like he rules because he's sick of petty bickering hehe. Here is the lawyer I used I highly recommend her, again if it comes to that. She is extremely fair and level headed and very reasonably priced...

Phone	(435) 215-1580
Email	contact@naeglelaw.com
Website	http://naeglelaw.com

Edit: I looked up my records and show the mediator we used here in Saint George is Judge J. Philip Eves. I don't have his contact info, but he was really good as well.

[Iceaxe]

Finally, if there is any way to work out your issues, I really would suggest you try that first.

I don't know if I agree with that.... one of the best decisions I ever made in my life was getting out of my first marriage, and one on the best decisions I ever made in life was working through some issues of my current marriage... know when to hold them and know when to fold them.... if you are not happy in your situation you need to change it.

[DiscGo]

@Scott Card's advice was right across the board (in my opinion). I spoke with my attorney friend and he said largely the same thing. You can use the online documents but you need to have a lawyer go through it. And if there is a way to make it work, then do.

Good luck friend.

[Dman]

Thanks for the info guys, you've all been a lot of help. I wasn't sure which way to go and needed to get a little help without going to someone we know for fear of spreading it where it doesn't need to go cause it will effect a few peoples marriage in our group if word got out.

Deathcricket, I'll be in touch for that chat we talked about.

Thanks again everyone, I think I have what I need now.

[Deathcricket]

NP man, at least go through the website and fill out all the paperwork like you are going through with it, you can always change it later and nothing is permanent. maybe even print it out and chat with your soon to be ex about how she feels with certain things. Problem areas could be how to split the mutual properties, time with the kids, and alimony. Child support is just a mathematical formula, just google "child support calculator Utah" and you'll know it down to the penny.

That will also give you a good idea of things to think about and further make your time more efficient should you need to consult a professional. The problem with lawyers is they nickel and dime you to death. So the more knowledgeable and concise you are, the better off you'll be. You'll see the language is very plain and easy to understand though, I guarantee you'll have zero problems with it. The only problem will be if you guys can't find an agreement and need to fight about it. I have a friend who just got divorced last year and they were able to work everything out without getting expensive lawyers involved.

Oh and one other thing, if she gets a lawyer, you need to absolutely get one. But if you can both agree to meet with a mediator judge, he will absolutely make sure it's a solid Divorce Decree. He's really on both your sides and knows the law just as well as a lawyer.

[Byron]

Love 'em and leave 'em...works great. As soon a the magic starts to fade, it's time for some new meat. This usually occurs when she starts to get tired of smelling your farts.

[DOSS]

it will effect a few peoples marriage in our group if word got out.
.

A. if it will effect those peoples marriage if word gets out means that it has already effected their marriage and they are just unaware of the lies involved already.. be honest with them and let them sort things out in the light of day instead of in the dark..

B. Get things right with you first.. get separated if needed but figure out you first, tell her to do the same - go to a counselor and such.. then figure out if it is a permanent thing or just a scar.. We all have scars some you can live with some you can't.

C. These situations suck and I wish you luck

[DiscGo]

@Dman- When I was single I has preconceived notions about marriage, and I kind of judged those who got divorced. I got married, and almost instantly was miserable and it quickly changed my perspective on divorce. I felt completely alone, and it was as though I couldn't understand why we ever got married. I really wanted out of my marriage, and my wife at that point was unwilling to get divorced, and she fought hard for us to stay married.

I read an article that said something to the affect of couples were asked to rate their overall marital happiness on a 7-point scale, with 1 being the least happy and 7 the most happy. Those who rated their marriage as a 1 or 2 were considered to be very unhappy in their marriages. Almost 8 out of 10 adults who rated their marriage as a 1 or 2 gave that same marriage a 5 or more when asked to rate their marriage five years later. And only 2 out of 10 people who divorced were happy 5 years later.

At least statistically it gave me hope that we could be happy together, and largely due to my religious views I really wanted to make my marriage work. So we continued and things were still hard, but then something almost magical happened. My wife and I went to Moab together, and had an awesome time. We started hiking, and camping together and doing some of the things we used to do when we were dating and I quickly remembered why I loved her.


I do understand that not every couple is the same. It may actually be what is best for you and your wife. But for what it is worth, I do believe marriage is worth fighting for. Especially with kids involved. I understand that she wants the divorce and you were happy enough so maybe there is nothing more you can do to make things work. If that is the case, I really am sorry for what you are having to go through. But I'm reminded of Steve Carrell's character in "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and him wishing he had fought more for his marriage before it was over, and I hope you guys know what you are doing.

I was up late last night helping a friend with some computer stuff. So admittedly I'm pretty tired. Let me apologize right now if my above message was less than helpful. I just wanted to let you know that I know what it feels like to be in a marriage which makes you unhappy, and my experience is that there is way back to being happy, and one person in failing marriage can make the difference (in my marriage it was my wife). So whether you get divorced or not, don't give up.

P.S. All of that said (as @Deathcricket said) if she gets her own lawyer then you have to get your own lawyer as well and make sure it is a great one :)

[Slot Machine]

I've used the online system, and it worked just fine. It probably saved me 5 or 10 thousand dollars. I thought it was very easy to figure out.

As a side note, being nice while dividing everything up saved me another 50 thousand (at least). An angry ex is far more expensive than a happy ex.

But Ice is right. Knowing when to quit is part of being a happy person. Getting divorced was the best decision I've ever made. No joke.

Good luck with the tough times ahead. I sincerely wish you the best.

[Slot Machine]

wow! really?

Really.

But we were in an unusual situation. My ex has a large inheritance coming when her folks die. She will be set later in life, so she had little motivation to go after my retirement or pension. I also had a new BMW that she could have taken half of (and it was paid for), but for whatever reason, she didn't.

If I had treated her poorly, or acted petty during the proceedings, I'm certain things would have gone very badly for me.