Fat Man's Misery

[Slot Machine]

Calvin, Nick and I ventured down Fat Man’s Misery on Saturday July 14^th, 2012. This was their 2^nd technical canyon descent. Their first canyoneering experience was in Keyhole Canyon the previous evening.

Saturday morning we were greeted with a serious rainstorm. We slept in and casually ate breakfast knowing that our chances of canyoneering were fading with every passing minute.

Optimistically, we headed to Zion in hopes that the weather would clear up. We were intently watching the satellite imagery of the storm on the way. It was looking more promising by the minute as the bulk of the storm headed north.

Just as we reached the trailhead the cloud cover lifted and the sun started shining. We started down the trail at 11:20 AM. The temperature was a refreshing 65 degrees. We were greeted with the chorus of hundreds of happy frogs enjoying the fresh rainwater as we headed quickly toward the canyon.

After a couple of hours of speedy hiking we arrived at the first rappel. The canyon was full of water due to the storm the night before. Not noticing that the first rappel was bolted, I started digging around at the front edge of a pothole looking for a chokestone to rappel from. While doing this I pulled a large stone loose at the front of the pothole creating a bathtub-like drain. Perhaps a couple hundred gallons of water started flowing down the canyon. This created a nice little waterfall for us to rappel down. Sweet!

The rest of the canyon was fantastic! It was full to the brim with fresh-ish water from the night before. There are many, many problems to solve in the technical section. It took much longer than we anticipated. Many of the downclimbs would be simple when dry and require some care to negotiate when wet.

Eventually we arrived at Parunuweap and headed up the exit at 7:30 PM. It was cool and humid while the sun was setting, maybe 75 degrees at the warmest. A heavy cloud cover loomed overhead and only sprinkled on us occasionally.

We arrived at the Checkboard Mesa exit just as it got dark. We busted out some headlamps and kept hiking. We arrived back at the car at 10:40 PM. 11 hours, 20 minutes. Whew.

Just a couple of thoughts about the Fat Man:

We were very lucky that the weather was so cool. That hike would have been horrible; nay miserable, if it were hot. Seriously, if Misery is on your checklist, save it for a cool day.

We were somewhat lucky it didn’t rain while we were in the slot. We did make an informed decision with great satellite images of the passing storm system minutes before we started hiking. It was a calculated risk that I’m glad we took.

If you are heading to Misery for your first time, don’t kid yourself into thinking you can hike it in 8 or 9 hours (like some beta says, no disrespect). Like I said, there are lots of problems in there to solve. We were moving as fast as we could and it took us 11 hours. Now that we know how to conquer all of the obstacles, yes we could complete it in less than 9 hours.

Finally, it seems that people don’t talk much about how great that slot there really is. Everyone seems focused on bitching about the exit hike. So, for the sake of emphasis, the slot in Fat Man’s is amazing!! The grotto at the end of the slot is jaw-dropping and eye-popping. Get out and do it if you have 11 hours to spare on a cool day.

Bob









One of many high-fives given during the hike.






This is the view from the top of the overhanging rappel. Intimidating? For Calvin and Nick, it sure was. It was their first 35 foot rappel.


We lived! Not so scary from the bottom.


With a branch in my right hand I'm sliding wood chips and foam across the surface of a pothole.






An arch in the grotto. Amazing!


The second, larger arch in the grotto.






http://amazingslots.blogspot.com/201...ns-misery.html

[ratagonia]

Totally awesome!

The canyon is a bit slower when full of water, but yeah, WAY more fun.

I have changed the time on my website to 8-12 hours from the previous 6-8, but it will take a few days to take effect.

Tom

[deathtointernet]

Finally, it seems that people don’t talk much about how great that slot there really is. Everyone seems focused on bitching about the exit hike.

It really is a fabulously beautiful canyon. The conditions sound fun!

[flatiron]

I have done Misery 5 times, but last fall was the first time it was full of water. What a BIG difference, and yes way more fun. Even tho I think it is a great canyon anyway. Plus I love hiking in the desert so count me as one of those who likes the hike out, even in 90 degree Sept days!!

[ratagonia]

I have done Misery 5 times, but last fall was the first time it was full of water. What a BIG difference, and yes way more fun. Even tho I think it is a great canyon anyway. Plus I love hiking in the desert so count me as one of those who likes the hike out, even in 90 degree Sept days!!

Having done it 5 times, what is the range of times you have clocked for it, car to car?

Tom

[Iceaxe]

So let me get this striaght..... a guy that has been doing technical slots for about a year takes two total noob's through a slot canyon and then is surprised his group wasn't as fast as the estimated times.



I'm sticking with 8 to 9 hours..... I've done the trip back and forth over Checkerboard 6 or 7 times. The first time doing the route was with no beta other then a couple trip reports. We did the route in 9 hours, including a side trip to Laberyth Falls.

I've done Misery and out in 7 hours a couple of times. I've done the route in 8 (excluding Layberyth) leading a large group of 10, most of who were intermedaite type canyoneers..

8 to 9 hours is very reasonable for Misery..... for a group consisting of 5 or 6 average canyoneers in normal conditions.

I have no clue what difficulty having just flowed would represent. But I do know having two noobs along is like dragging an anchor, no matter how much "hiking" experiance they have.... YMMV

[Slot Machine]

I have changed the time on my website to 8-12 hours from the previous 6-8, but it will take a few days to take effect.

This seems prudent since every trip report I've seen fits into this range. Some people do hang around for a while and enjoy the scenery for 13 hours.

So let me get this striaght..... a guy that has been doing technical slots for about a year takes two total noob's through a slot canyon and then is surprised his group wasn't as fast as the estimated times.

No, I wasn't surprised at all. Heck, we were prepared to hike all night if we needed to and/or bivy if we needed to.

I'm suggesting that almost every group new to the canyon will take greater than 9 hours on their first attempt. There are simply too many obstacles for most groups to just bomb through the canyon. Most groups will get hung up with some navigation error or on a particular drop. The drop just before the overhanging rappel comes to mind; it seems like every tree surrounding that drop had a sling around it. It appears that many groups waste lots of time at that drop.

I'm just thinking if some canyoneer is doing homework on Misery Canyon and comes across my report that I would offer my 2 cents.

Shoot, if that happens, I'll break it down ad nauseum for that beta scavenger to enjoy:

First-timers in ideal conditions:
Newbies: 11-13 hours
Intermediate group: 9-11 hours
Young versions of Shane drinking Red Bull: 8-9 hours

Experienced Misery canyoneers, ideal conditions:
With newbies: 10-12 hours
Intermediate group: 8-10 hours
Shane knowing that the ice in his beer cooler will melt in exactly 7 hours: 7 hours

Add an hour if the canyon is full of water.



Bob

[hikster11]

Nice TR Thanks That canyon is on my list

[Sandstone Addiction]

Excellent video (love Immigrant Song, BTW) and TR. Looks like your friends had a great time!

[Iceaxe]

Just for giggles I broke out my notes from my first two trips through Misery just to check the times.

5/26/01 Misery Canyon - West Fork
9:00 round trip (Group of 4)
Technical slot canyon requiring a series of repels. One 100' rope is required. Swimming and wading is required. No wet suit, a wet suit might be required during cool temperatures. The return hike lasts 3 hours and is brutal on hot days. Visited Labyrinth Falls. Temperature was 102 degrees in St. George.

8/11/01 Misery Canyon - West Fork
7:30 round trip (Group of 5). No wet suits. The canyon was full of water from rain the day before. Went in at noon and came out in the evening which made the hike out pleasant. Did not visited Labyrinth Falls because of high water flow in the East Fork of the Virgin River. The hike out took 2:30 hours. Temperature was over 102 degrees in St. George.

[Iceaxe]

Most groups will get hung up with some navigation error or on a particular drop. The drop just before the overhanging rappel comes to mind; it seems like every tree surrounding that drop had a sling around it. It appears that many groups waste lots of time at that drop.

Noobs

FWIW: There is no need to rappel at this location. Just hike east 40-yards, over a slight rise and it's a walk down. If you reached the tree to the east with the slings you were almost there, anther 15-yards and you would have spied the walk-down.

I always collect a bunch a bootie through this section and replenish my rap ring stash by cutting out all the anchors that are not required.

[Brian in SLC]

I have changed the time on my website to 8-12 hours from the previous 6-8, but it will take a few days to take effect.

I don't have my notes handy...Tom, what was our time? I dimly recall we hiked down to the falls, found the Powell plaque, and waited for it to cool off before hiking back out.

Nice video!

[Mountaineer]

My level of enjoyment in the canyons is inversely proportional to the rain forecast. Very cool you hit it just right. Thanks for the report, very helpful.

I'm on my way...

[Slot Machine]

Excellent video (love Immigrant Song, BTW) and TR. Looks like your friends had a great time!

We all had an awesome time. Considering that Calvin can't swim and neither one of them had any downclimbing or rappelling experience, I think they moved pretty quickly and handled the rappels courageously.

______________

Photos added above for everyone's viewing pleasure.

[flatiron]

I'm sticking with 8 to 9 hours..... 8 to 9 hours is very reasonable for Misery..... for a group consisting of 5 or 6 average canyoneers in normal conditions.

Absolutely. 1st time dragging a very slow noob took 10+ hrs. After that around 8. Depending also on how much rest time and exploring. With friends new to Misery they want to take lots of pics, etc. Methinks 6 hrs would be doable but blasting thru. But I can see it taking 10-12 for some. Crips, when you see all the foot trails heading off in every direction you know people are wandering all over the damn place out there!!! And PS: Anytime I do canyon 1st time I factor in possible repeat possible extra time to navigation, exploring, just checking it out stuff. Example Boundary Canyon. I remember looking down at head of canyon from knoll but without GPS taking well over hour bushwhacking, getting cliffed out, all sorts of sh-- to get there. Funny then because my buddy & I nailed MIA in about 45 min on 1st try. You never know.