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Thread: My favorite disclaimer

  1. #1
    Sumptuous mummer hank moon's Avatar
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    My favorite disclaimer

    http://www.fishproducts.com/miscpages/dying.html

    Note: visit the link above for fabulous disclaimer wallpaper!



    DISCLAIMER Rock Climbing and any variation of this sport is dangerous. Risk cannot be eliminated. This catalog is not an instruction manual, nor should it take the place of good judgement. The equipment offered in this catalog can kill you. It can kill you on your first day out to the crags with your squeaky clean boots and rope. It can kill a seasoned "Wall Master" with a thousand pitches under his belt. If living under the threat of death is less than appealing to you, please find another sport. Heads do pop off. Families will lose favorite members. Rescue people will be forced to scoop you into vile green vinyl bags. Remember, you made the choice to climb. Have the guts to take responsibility for what you are doing, be it dying, quasi mutilation, or something as simple as just losing your mind. If you intend to weasel out of your obligation to be responsible, and see laying blame on us as an alternative to your ineptness, please do not buy our gear. Please, close your wallet and go away now, before it's too late. Bye. See ya. Hasta la Vista. Be accountable, Be responsible,

    Be alive.


    Try it sometime.

    Have a nice day!

    Fish Products

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  3. #2
    Bottom Tier Superhero Iceaxe's Avatar
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    Awesome!!!


    **This post neither represents nor reflects the opinions of Climb-Utah.com management. These statements may or may not be true. Iceaxe has been known to be full of shit.



  4. #3
    Outdoorsman ghawk's Avatar
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    - Gavin

  5. #4
    Sumptuous mummer hank moon's Avatar
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    2nd favorite - not as fun, but perhaps the most comprehensive warning ever. I'm especially fond of the last paragraph. :)

    http://web.archive.org/web/200608081...isclaimer.html

    WARNING

    Nature is unpredictable and unsafe. Mountains are dangerous. Many books have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the books.

    Nelson Rocks Preserve is covered in steep terrain with loose, slippery and unstable footing. The weather can make matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere. You may fall, be injured or die. There are hidden holes. You could break your leg. There are wild animals, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread diseases. These include poisonous snakes and insects. Plants can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the grounds, rocks, cliffs or other features, natural or otherwise.

    Real dangers are present even on trails. Trails are not sidewalks. They can be, and are, steep, slippery and dangerous. Trail features made or enhanced by humans, such as steps, walls and railings (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. They are unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.

    Stay on the trails whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and first aid supplies at all times.

    Rocks and other objects can fall from the cliffs. They can tumble down slopes. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people above you, such as climbers. Rocks of all sizes, including huge boulders, can shift, move or fall with no warning. Use of helmets is advised for anyone approaching the rock formations. They can be purchased or rented at Seneca Rocks. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on another part of your body. A whole rock formation might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.

    Weather can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra clothing, including rain gear. Hypothermia, heat stroke, lightning, ice and snow, etc. can kill you. Rain can turn easy terrain into a deathtrap.

    If you scramble in high places (scrambling is moving over terrain steep enough to use your hands) without proper experience, training and equipment, or allow children to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be injured or die. It happens all the time.

    The Preserve does not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people in the preserve, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.

    If you climb, you may die or be seriously injured. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, stay at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not inspect or maintain, climbing anchors (including bolts, pitons, slings, trees, etc.) As far as we know, any of them can and will fail and send you plunging to your death. There are countless tons of loose rock ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the rocks, and elsewhere on the property. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.

    Rescue services are not provided by the Preserve, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local rescue squads may not be equipped for or trained in mountain rescue. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue you or treat your injuries, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors and hospitals. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.

    By entering the Preserve, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THE PRESERVE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!

    NRP Management

  6. Likes ratagonia liked this post
  7. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by hank moon View Post
    Use of helmets is advised for anyone approaching the rock formations. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on another part of your body. [/FONT]
    Favorite part

  8. #6
    Sumptuous mummer hank moon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasatchghost View Post
    Favorite part


    Yes, many gems in there:

    if you are lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue you or treat your injuries, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors and hospitals
    It's a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, stay at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway.


  9. #7
    My favorite, from an old climbing partner, Brutus of Wyde (RIP):

    WARNING!!


    ALL INDIVIDUALS USING, REFERRING TO,
    TALKING ABOUT, OR THINKING ABOUT THIS
    TOPO MUST READ THIS!!!

    This inaccurate topo is based on dim
    recollections, half-baked guesses, and
    outright lies. In NO WAY does it tell
    the full story. You would probably be
    better off just trying to find your own
    way up the mounatin, than you would be
    if you used this topo. But that
    statement in no way implies that I am
    in any way responsible if you don't
    use the topo, and something bad happens anyway.

    Nature is unpredictable and unsafe.
    Mountains are dangerous. Many books
    have been written about these dangers,
    and there’s no way I can list them all
    here. Read the books.

    The area depicted by this topo is covered
    in steep terrain with loose, slippery and
    unstable footing. The weather can make
    matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere.
    You may fall, be injured or die. There
    are hidden holes. You could break your
    leg. There are wild animals, which may be
    vicious, poisonous, hungry or carriers of
    dread diseases. These may include poisonous
    amphibians, reptiles, and insects; insects
    to which you have allergies, or whose
    multiple stings can cause anaphylactic
    shock; mammals which may include skunks,
    badgers, marmots, lions, tigers, and bears;
    predatory birds, and all other manner of
    beasts. Plants can be poisonous as well,
    and even when not poisonous, can inflict
    serious injury like a sharp stick in the
    eye. This topo, and the author of this
    topo, will not do anything to protect you
    from any of this. I do not inspect, supervise
    or maintain the ground, rocks, cliffs,
    wildlife, vegetation or other features,
    natural or otherwise.

    Real dangers are present even on approach
    trails. Trails are not sidewalks, and folks
    have died and been seriously injured even
    on sidewalks when they have tripped on cracked
    concrete, plunged into meter boxes with
    missing covers, been mugged, hit by cars,
    had pianos fall on them... Trails can be,
    and are, steep, slippery and dangerous.
    Trail features made or enhanced by humans,
    such as bridges, steps, walls and railings
    (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise
    fail catastrophically at any time. I don’t
    promise to inspect, supervise or maintain
    them in any way. They may be negligently
    constructed or repaired. Some trails in
    the area are only maintained by Nelson Bighorn
    Sheep, who have little regard for human life
    or human safety, or any humans whatsoever.
    In summary, trails are unsafe, period. Live
    with it or stay away.

    Stay on the trails whenever possible. The
    terrain, in addition to being dangerous,
    is surprisingly complex. You may get lost.
    You probably WILL get lost. The chances of
    getting lost multiply geometrically after
    the sun goes down, due to poor visibility.
    The sun goes down at least once a day in
    this area. Not to say that you won't get
    lost during daylight hours. In either event,
    carry a flashlight, extra bulb and batteries,
    compass, GPS, altimeter, cellular phone,
    food, water, matches and first aid supplies
    at all times. My advising you of this does
    not mean there are not other things you
    should be carrying. Carry them all as well,
    and know how to use them. I am not responsible
    for the consequences if you fail to heed this
    advice. In fact, I am not responsible for
    the consequences even if you DO heed this
    advice and, for example, end up in an unplanned
    bivy because you were carrying too much g*dd@mn
    stuff, stumble into the bivy fire at 2 am when
    you get up to take a p!ss, and severely burn the
    flesh on your hands. You have only yourself to
    blame, so leave me out of it.

    Rocks and other objects can, and probably will,
    fall from the cliffs. They can tumble down
    slopes. This can happen naturally, or be
    caused by people above you, such as climbers.
    Rocks of all sizes, including huge boulders,
    can shift, move or fall with no warning. If you
    don't believe me check out the talus slopes at
    the base of some of the rock walls. They
    didn't just grow there. Use of helmets is advised
    for anyone approaching the rock formations. As a
    matter of fact, approaching the rock formations
    is not advised. That is pretty stupid too. But if
    you DO choose to risk your worthless scrawny neck
    by going near rocks, shoulder pads, knee pads,
    elbow pads, athletic cups and supporters and
    other body armor may be handy as well. These
    items can be purchased or rented from
    mountaineering shops and athletic supply stores.
    They won’t save you if you get hit by or
    scrape against something big or on another
    part of your body. A whole rock formation
    might collapse on you leave nothing but a
    grease spot. Don’t think it can’t happen.
    It does, and it probably will.

    Weather can be dangerous, regardless of
    the forecast. Be prepared with extra
    clothing, including rain gear. Hypothermia,
    heat stroke, dehydration, frostbite,
    lightning, ice and snow, runoff from rainstorms,
    flashfloods, etc. can kill you. Rain can turn
    easy terrain into a deathtrap, can drown you
    if you're looking up into the sky with your
    mouth open, and vastly decreases traction on
    pavement. Snow is even worse, the hazards
    ranging from snowball fight injuries to avalanches.

    If you scramble in high places (scrambling
    is moving over terrain steep enough to use
    your hands) without proper experience, training
    and equipment, or allow children to do so, you
    are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know
    what you’re doing and are the most experienced
    and safest climber the world has ever known,
    you are still making a terrible mistake: lots of
    things can and do go wrong and you may be injured
    or die. It happens all the time.

    Furthermore, scrambling amongst the huge boulders
    in this canyon, even without exposure of high
    places, can result in serious physical and/or
    emotional injury, or death.

    This area, and this route, are not provided with
    any rangers or security personnel on any regular
    basis. The other people in the area, including
    other visitors, USFS employees, foreign agents,
    biologists and nature freaks, and anyone else
    who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, a
    religious fanatic, or otherwise dangerous. They
    may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using
    illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and
    ready to use them. I'm not going to do anything about
    that. I refuse to take responsibility.

    Excessive consumption of alcohol, use of
    prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications,
    and/or legal or illegal controlled substances while
    frequenting this area can and probably will affect
    your mental state, alertness, and decision-making
    abilities, and could make an already dangerous
    situation even worse. Even abstinence won't
    protect you from the actions of others under
    the influence of such substances. Tough luck.
    Not my fault.

    The driveways, freeways, highways, streets,
    alleys, back roads and unimproved 4WD tracks
    leading to this area kill hundreds of folks
    each year. Many of these fatalities are folks
    who aren't even on their way to this canyon,
    who in fact have never heard of this canyon,
    but are simply innocent victims. Not so you.
    You have been warned. You could get killed
    driving to the trailhead. Wearing your seatbelt
    tightly fastened with the lap belt low across
    your waist improves your chances of survival,
    in most cases (except that one steep section
    of road) but does not and cannot guarantee your
    safety. You might die before ever stepping out
    of your vehicle at the trailhead, or on the way
    home. It can happen any time. If you think you
    are immune from this kind of thing, you're
    fooling yourself.

    This is not a sterile environment. Bacteria,
    viruses, protozoa, protoviruses, fungi and other
    forms of life and protolife which may or may not
    be currently included in either the plant or animal
    kingdom are capable of causing you serious bodily
    harm, illness, or death. These kinds of biological
    agents are both endemic in the area or present in
    the plant and animal populations; and are also
    capable of being carried or transmitted by your
    climbing partners and travelling companions. I'm
    not going to take responsibility for this, either.
    My advice for you to treat drinking water, wash
    your hands before and after going to the bathroom
    and before eating, and to not indulge in unprotected
    sex in this area, in no way obligates me to be
    responsible for the consequences if you fail to
    do so, nor does it mean that even if you DO take
    these precautions and something happens anyway,
    that I am to blame. Not so. Forget it. Nada. Negativo.

    If you climb, you may die or be seriously
    injured. And the longer you climb the greater
    your risk of bad luck, which may or may not
    be compounded by hubris, catching up to you.
    This is true whether you are experienced or
    not, trained or not, and equipped or not,
    though training, experience and equipment may
    help. It’s a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous.
    If you don’t like it, stay at home. You really
    shouldn’t be doing it anyway. I do not provide
    supervision or instruction. I am not responsible
    for, and do not inspect or maintain, climbing
    anchors (including bolts, pitons, slings, trees,
    etc.) As far as I know, any of them can and
    probably will suddenly fail without warning and
    send you plunging to your death with a bloodcurdling
    scream, likely pulling your partner to his or her
    doom as well. There are countless tons of loose
    rock ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone
    else. There are any number of inobvious,
    extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing
    on and around the rocks, and elsewhere in the
    canyon. I probably don't know about any specific
    hazard, but even if I do, don’t expect this
    topo or its author to try to warn you. You’re
    on your own.

    Furthermore, the fact that I'm not trying
    to stop you from being in this area in no
    way implies, nor should it be inferred, that
    I approve, recommend, advocate, or otherwise
    in any way affirm that such action on your
    part is anything but incredibly stupid.

    Rescue services are not provided by anyone
    near this climb, and may not be available
    quickly or at all. In fact, if anything
    really serious happens to you in this area,
    you'll probably be dead before word ever
    reaches civilization. Local rescue squads
    may not be equipped for or trained in mountain
    rescue. They probably won't be. If you are
    lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue
    you or treat your injuries, they will probably
    be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors
    and hospitals. I assume no responsibility. Also,
    if you decide to participate in a rescue of
    some other unfortunate, that’s your choice.
    Don’t do it unless you are willing to assume
    all risks, and don't blame me when it goes
    bad and you end up getting yourself sued in
    the process.

    By using, or even just looking at this topo,
    you are agreeing that I owe you no duty of
    care or any other duty, you agree to release
    me, my relatives, heirs, dependents, and anyone
    else I care to name, now and forevermore,
    from any and all claims of liability, even
    though my actions may be grossly negligent
    and/or be construed as reckless endangerment,
    manslaughter, or other misconduct up to and
    including premeditated murder. By consulting
    this topo, you agree to waive forever any
    rights that you, your partners, dependents,
    heirs, inlaws, and others known or unknown to
    you may have, to legal compensation resulting
    from anything that has anything to do with this
    topo, including but in no way limited to paper
    cuts from the edge of the topo itself. If
    you try to sue me in spite of all this, you
    agree to pay my lawyers fees regardless of the
    outcome of the suit, and you expressely agree
    to re-imburse me for any loss or injury, be
    it financial, physical, emotional, or imagined,
    which I may experience as a result of such lawsuit.

    I promise you nothing. I do not and will
    not even try to keep the area safe for any
    purpose. The area is NOT safe for any purpose.
    This is no joke. I won’t even try to warn
    about any dangerous or hazardous condition,
    whether I know about it or not. If I do decide
    to warn you about something, that doesn’t
    mean I will try to warn you about anything else.
    If I do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition,
    I may not try to correct any others, and I may
    actually make matters worse! I may have done
    things in the area that are unwise and
    dangerous. I probably did, but I don't remember.
    Sorry, I'm neither competent nor responsible.
    The topo gives you bad advice. Don’t listen.
    Or do listen. It's your choice, but you face
    the consequences either way, whatever they may be.

    In short, CLIMB AT YOUR OWN RISK. If you,
    or your heirs, relatives, dependents or others
    known or unknown to you; your partner or your
    partners heirs, relatives, dependents, or
    others known or unknown to your partner, are
    the slimy kind of lawyer-touting parasites who
    would try to sue the author of a topo, If you
    can't take responsibility for your own decisions,
    knowledge, routefinding and plain dumb luck,
    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay far far away from this
    route and this canyon, give up climbing, and die
    of some completely natural, painful, and slowly
    progressive disease.

    Thank you, climb safe, and have fun!

    END of Disclaimer
    Credit is due to Russ Walling for the original
    inspiration, and to a rumored sign at Seneca Rocks
    from which I unabashedly stole some of the text.

  10. #8
    Sumptuous mummer hank moon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian in SLC View Post
    My favorite, from an old climbing partner, Brutus of Wyde (RIP):
    Quote Originally Posted by Brutus of Wyde
    Credit is due to Russ Walling for the original
    inspiration, and to a rumored sign at Seneca Rocks
    from which I unabashedly stole some of the text.
    Fun riff on the Nelson Rocks' original. There are other versions out there based on the same original - it's a true classic! As well as the Russ Walling "death-claimer" (deja posted) mais oui.

  11. #9
    Outdoorsman
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian in SLC View Post
    My favorite, from an old climbing partner, Brutus of Wyde (RIP):
    Uhh..., is there a condensed version of this disclaimer?

    Nat

  12. #10
    Nah, Nat, that was kinda the point...

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