Pirate Canyoneering/Lake Powell

[EvergreenDean]

April 28th, 2010, Chris and I find ourselves at Lake Powell looking for a fun. We notice a boat unloading at the ramp and recognize it as the infamous Canyon Queen, a well known pirate canyoneering vessel out of Zion. We approach and greet the crew, and they advise us that since we have spotted them and can now identify them to the authorities, we must come aboard. We are immediately searched, relieved of our GPS and camera, and about $500 each, along with our remaining valuables. We are told that we will be sailing with them in search of treasure...canyons lost over half a decade ago and rumored to be in the area.

The seas were brutal as we departed, and we feared for our lives. The captain, a skilled sailor with a heavy South African accent and wild long brown locks, begins to navigate through the ominous surf. As waves crashed over the deck, we were blind-folded then injected with a sedative so as not to be able to reveal our route, if we survived. Once the blind-folds are removed, we find ourselves at a remote beach and are forced into hard labor setting up camp in 50 mile per hour winds.

The next morning we are forced back on to the boat and travel some distance before being ordered off the boat and led in a forced march up brutally steep sandstone slopes, using handhold carved thousands of years ago by the ancients as we ascend into this wild wind-sculpted land. After what seems like an eternity, we are at the top of a crack in the hardened earth that descends down into the unknown darkness below. As ropes are in hand, we dare to ask "What will we be anchoring to? There is nothing here!" We soon find that these wild explorers have a contraption I have heard rumor of, essentially a tarp that is filled with sand, used as an anchor, then pulled below to eliminate any trace of their travels.

For the next three days, we find ourselves maneuvering through huge pot holes, descending pour offs with no sign of any prior human visits, and generally facing terrors beyond our wildest night mares. Swimming through dark passages filled with log soup, the un-Godly stench of death pervades all. We are forced to forge ahead and set up anchors with this contraption, the Sandtrap, all the while pleading with our captors "But we are just newbies...take a look at Bogley and you will see, we know nothing!" To no avail, we are forced to learn their ways. My young companion, Chris, had the misfortune of being the smallest in the group, and was often relegated to going into the unknown first, learning to ascend out of deadly pot holes and become a human anchor for the rest of us. I, being of larger stature, had the unpleasant duty of being the human anchor in many instances, then ordered to down climb with assurances of "We'll catch ya mate, we aren't done with you yet!"

On day four, after days of eating gruel and remnants of animals found in the canyons, we managed to fake ingestion of the mandatory drugs forced upon us to ensure against nocturnal escape. Once we heard the villains' slumber ensue, we seized our opportunity and quietly paddled out on a log into the darkness. As the sun began to rise, we were amazed at our good fortune as a pair of beautiful voluptuous women on jet-skis saw our hopeless situation and offered us aid. We made it back to the marina, thanked them the only way we knew how (edited), and fled.

I urge all to keep an eye out for these miscreants of the canyon lands, as you may not be as fortunate as we. If you find yourself on this God-forsaken lake and see the South African flag rising out of the mist, run for your lives. You have been warned...

[moab mark]

Nice TR. Are the pirates doing a guided rappel off their tarp/sand trap?

[CarpeyBiggs]

Nice TR. Are the pirates doing a guided rappel off their tarp/sand trap?

kind of?

my guess is they are doing a sand trap sequence. anchor for the first set of people is the trap, backed up to human meat. once the team has moved across the obstacle, the last person raps into the pothole off the sandtrap, and then clips into the other side on a pully lever system or some such, and ascends the other side, then the trap is pulled, nothing left behind...

that's how i've used it at least, so it is probably just one technique of many. they undoubtedly have more.

[CarpeyBiggs]

nice TR btw.

[ScoutColorado]

Pirates! Freakin cool.

Although do I detect a little bit of funnin' at us boys here at Bogley?

Seriously Dean, looks really cool. Sorry I missed this trip. Maybe next time.
RR

[EvergreenDean]

No meat backup...just watchful eyes ready to add friction. Guide rope anchored to a few small willows, retrievable anchor on that one. Last man over the hole pulled the guide rope. There is yet another pot hole below you cannot see, which took some tricky maneuvering as well. Rap rope pulled from the boat for the finale.