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Thread: How Great Of Driver Are You?

  1. #1

    How Great Of Driver Are You?

    The bucket list thread got me to thinking about some of the traffic tickets I've received over the years. So I was hoping this group might share a few of their stories.... I'll go first to get things rolling.....

    I know it's probably hard for some of you to believe that a sweet responsible human being like me would ever get a ticket for driving... but I have a couple...

    Not long after I was married I was pulled over just outside of Big Piney Wyoming for 130 mph.... The hot young wife and I were on our way to Jackson Hole to drink away the 24th of July weekend..... There were three motorhomes running nose-to-tail and I stood on the loud pedal because the only way around them was to take all three at once.... just after I cleared the last motorhome and pulled back into my lane I passed the highway patrol hidden beside the road.....

    I looked in my rear view and saw the HP light up his bubble gum machine and try to pull out.... but he ended up stuck behind the motorhome convoy. I thought quickly... stay on the gas and the guy will not catch me... but eventually his radio will, since there are not a lot of places to duck off the road in the middle of Wyoming.... or just pull over and take my medicine... all this took less then a minute.... but by this time the HP was at least 2 miles behind me.... hell, I was still standing on the gas while calculating my options.....

    So I decide the best option was to not make the trooper work too hard for the bust and pulled to the side of the road to wait for him to catch up.... it took a couple of minutes for the HP to pull up to where I had stopped, after all, he started from a dead stop and also had to pass the motorhome convoy.... The smokey gets out of his car and strolls up to my window.... I already had my licence and registration in my hands, which are in plain sight on top of the wheel (not my first rodeo).

    Smokey: Hey son, you ever been to jail?

    Ice: No sir (I lied)....

    Smokey: Looks like you might make it for this one.

    Ice: So you are telling me I hold the speed record for today?

    Smokey: (chuckling) Actually NO, you are in third place today. Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

    Ice: Over 120, I had the needle pegged.

    I figure why lie, the HP knows damn well how fast I was going. I also knew exactly how fast I was running as I had glanced at the tach when I went by the trooper... it was reading 6500 RPM, which with the 3.73 rear end I had in the car worked out to 130 MPH.... what can I say.... I'm good at math.... All this time my new bride is sitting next to me trying to decide if she will wait for me while I'm in prison....

    About now the motorhome convoy rolls by honking and waving.... I ****in' hate motorhomes....

    Smokey: Why the rush?

    Ice: I wanted to get around those motorhomes, the dipshits were running nose-to-tail and the only way around was to pass all three. Most of the day I've kept the driving under 80 mph, honest. (road was posted 65 if I remember correctly).

    Smokey: I know what you mean, but you still can't drive that fast. I want you to slow this sucker down. I'm going to write you up for 10 over....

    Ice: Thanks...

    First time in my life I was thrilled to get a speeding ticket for 10 over. But I still had one last question for the trooper after he handed me my ticket.....

    Ice: Hey officer, just out of curiosity what is the record today?

    Smokey: A Vette has you and a Porsche both by 5 mph. Drive safe.


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  3. #2
    I'll go. So i'm living in Elko, working in a gold mine. We're dumb and young.

    So on Friday nights we would fill our Super soakers and put on presidents masks and squirt people at redlights. Well one night we've soaked about a dozen cowboys and their trucks and eluded all with my masterful driving. However while trying to evade the last vehicle i passed a cop doing about 90 in a 25 mph zone (some real wet and determined cowboys behind us). Cop pulls me over and asks me to get out of the car.

    Well....my nissan sentra was a bit busted up so the doors didn't open. So I proceed to climb out the window all dukes of hazzard like. Well the cop is kind of pissed. So now he has me and my buddy and our girlfriends on the sidewalk. He's going through the car and finds a couple of presidents masks. He starts talking about how someone in a nissan is breaking into cars at the mine lots (people park in big parking lots and ride the buses to the mine). He figures since I got masks I'm the guy. It also turns out that Elko has a curfew law. No minors out past midnight. Oops. Both our girlfriends were 17. I look at my watch and it's11:55. Cop sat there looking at us till 12:01 and booked me for contributing to the deliquency of a minor, two counts. 3-6 months of jail for each count. Now this charge is usually reserved for drug dealers and such.

    I was poor and my uncle was out of town on the elk hunt. So I sat in the drunk tank for two days till i could post bail. I found out later that I only got arrested so that the cop could gather additional evidence and get me for the car break ins. Which I had not done by the way.

    Long story short, I got a court appointed attorney, who got the jail time waived and since the court documents read 12:01 the judge turned the felonies into misdemeanors and made me pay $500 for the attorneys time. He felt bad that I had made two trips from St. George for the arraignment and the hearing.

    Lesson learned, dump the masks on the raod during the getaway.
    beefcake. BEEFCAKE!

  4. #3
    I was 17 and went on a road trip to my friend's wedding in Denver. My girlfriend and my best friend were both asleep in the back of the car and I am seeing how fast I can get her brother's Rodeo to go. It is around 3 o'clock in the morning and I am getting tired and focusing way too much on the speedometer and way too little on the road. I look up and notice a cop has his lights on directly behind me. (I immedietly look down and notice that I am going 95 mpg) I pull over and wake up my friends.

    The cop comes to the window and before he can say anything my girlfriend asks: "Excuse me, how far are we from Colorado".

    The cop replied: "You have been in Colorado for the last 120 miles"

    My girlfriend then exclaims "WOW! You must have been going FAST!"


    I did not get a ticket that night and believed myself to be invincible. About 3 months later my friend got a ticket for going 102 mph and despite my efforts to convince the cop otherwise, my friend lost his license for 2 years.
    __________________________________________________ _


    Darn it. I just read through my story and it sucks compared to your guys' stories.

  5. #4
    Ticket #2
    Driving on the Sidewalk


    Yes it's true.... I got a ticket for "Driving on the Sidewalk". It happened on 4th South and State Street in downtown Salt Lake City in the summer of 1980..... and alcohol was NOT involved...

    Every time I hear comedian Ron White tell his story about driving on the sidewalk I laugh.... "At first I thought the cops were profiling me, which is illegal. But then I discovered they were pulling over everyone that day who was driving on the sidewalk".

    OK, this one is not really as bad as it sounds. I stopped at the Brighton Bank on the corner to do some banking and when I went to leave the parking lot I noticed they had only one exit. I also noticed I couldn't get through the gutter as it was pretty deep at the exit. I could see where a lot of other cars had scrapped exiting the parking lot.... and since I was driving a 1980 Camero Z-28 that had been lowered 2" I knew there was no way in hell I could get through the gutter without tearing up my front spoiler and headers.

    So.... I looked around and contemplated my options. My first thought was to exit through the entrance, but the entrance had one-way tire rippers. Next I looked down the sidewalk and noticed that 50' down the sidewalk was anther parking lot. Only they had been smart and put the gutter into a pipe at the exit and paved over the pipe to make a smooth transition onto 4th South. I waited for the pedestrians to clear the sidewalk and then drove down the sidewalk to the other exit and out onto 4th South.

    Of course one of Salt Lakes finest had witnessed this brilliant piece of driving and pulled me over. I tried to explain it was the only way out of the parking lot for me but he was a major ass and told me too damn bad and he didn't give a shit if going through the gutter would damage my car.

    I had driven on the sidewalk and in fact the ticket might have been deserved, I was willing to pay the ticket and considered it a fair price for not damaging my car.... but the cop was a complete ass and that pissed me off... so I decided to fight the ticket, mostly because I hate it when a cop is an ass.....

    I took it to court and the bailiff (I guess that's who it is). Told me they would cut the fine and points in half if I would just pay the stupid ticket....

    That was actually a pretty good deal... the ticket was only something like $50 to begin with.... but the cop was an ass and if you know me you also know I like to be entertained by jerks....

    So.... I took the ticket to court and explained what had happened to the judge. I told the judge the parking lot was only a block away and that if he would walk down to the lot with me I would happily pay the ticket if he didn't agree with my assessment. The judge said that sounded fair so we start walking out of the courtroom.... just before we exit the courtroom the judge said "this is bullshit, the ticket is dismissed". The jerk cops jaw dropped to the floor.... I left with a big smile on my face, no fine and no points against my driving record......


  6. #5
    Resident Southern Belle savanna3313's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iceaxe
    Ticket #2
    Driving on the Sidewalk


    Yes it's true.... I got a ticket for "Driving on the Sidewalk". It happened on 4th South and State Street in downtown Salt Lake City in the summer of 1980..... and alcohol was NOT involved...

    Every time I hear comedian Ron White tell his story about driving on the sidewalk I laugh.... "At first I thought the cops were profiling me, which is illegal. But then I discovered they were pulling over everyone that day who was driving on the sidewalk".
    If you didn't drive on the sidewalk during Mardi Gras time in New Orleans, you'd never get anywhere!
    Never regret anything that made you smile!

  7. #6
    I had a '68 mustang in high school. I had it up to 110 and it started floating. Scared the shit out of me.
    Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit, as vital to our lives and water and good bread
    - Edward Abbey

  8. #7
    Resident Southern Belle savanna3313's Avatar
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    When I first moved to SL, I was driving down the I-15 "somewhat" over the speed limit and spotted a state trooper coming from the opposite side. He passed by and when I looked in my rear view mirror, he was hooking a u-turn in the median. There was an exit coming up, so I slowed down and moved over to make the exit. I can see the trooper coming up in the traffic behind me with lights flashing. When I exited, it was a double lane with traffic going either west or east, so I chose the west bound lane. I looked over at the car in the east bound lane and it was literally identical to my own - a pearl white 4 door Maxima. Sure enough, here comes the trooper with his lights flashing and he pulls up behind the other guy's car instead of me! The light goes green, I turned west and never looked back!

    Now.....

    Should I have rolled down my window and admitted to being the one the trooper should be pulling over, or did I just get one sweet lucky break?


    Never regret anything that made you smile!

  9. #8
    The only ticket I have ever got was going 57 in a 40, As soon as I seen the County Sheriff I knew I was busted so I was pulled over before he ever even got behind me. When he came to my window and asked if I knew why I got pulled over and I told him that I was going a little to fast, back there and he asked if I knew what the speed limit was and of course I did, and I told him and he said since I was honest he was only going to write me up for doing 5 over. I guess it does pay to be honest with the LEO. The fastest I have ever been going was about 105 in a little Ford Escort. Damn Scary

  10. #9
    After Iraq I went and got the Purple Heart Veteran license plate, it has a big Purple Heart medal on it and Combat Wounded across the bottom.
    I figure it would take a real ass hole of a cop or some outrageous driving to get a ticket with that plate so I started driving a bit more aggressively.
    I was doing about 20 over when I saw the cop coming toward me in the opposite lane. He immediately pulled over to let the traffic behind him pass before making a u-turn, but I knew he was coming so I just pulled over, turned on my interior light (it was dusk) and waited.
    When he walked up the first thing out of his mouth was So, what war were you in? I knew I was getting off with a warning. Of course he checked for warrants and told me to slow down but he also told me about his brother in the Marines and that was that.
    I've been pulled over and given warnings twice since, different cops but always a story about how they used to be in the service or some connection and then a verbal warning.
    Lucky I drive a Jeep and it doesn't really go fast or I'd get cocky about it and try to push my luck.


  11. #10
    I'm feeling like Arlo Guthrie in this crowd, but I did a ticket in Georgetown once. My infraction: I drove into an angle parking space instead of backing in. The law can get rather specific in the District of Columbia.

  12. #11
    Adventurer at Large! BruteForce's Avatar
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    I haven't been ticketed since my Camaro days. Of late, the combination of tight haircut and Army 201 file on the rear window, I've only had warnings.


  13. #12
    While speeding in Wyoming you need to 'research' where the local police hang out or at least befriend the city cops that you know .
    Last big ticket I got was doing about 100 going past one of the Mountain View WY exits. Those cops don't mess around. They will bust you.
    When I was a teenager I had a VW Bug that I used to fill to the brim with friends & we would head to several schools in the Midvale/Brighton/Cottonwood/Holiday area at night - when the sprinklers were on - and tear the grass up doing doughnuts. Inevitably, someone would call the cops on us and we'd outrun them in the neighborhoods...hide in peoples' garages, alleys, anywhere the little getaway car would fit. Yeah, I was a little hellion

  14. #13
    I've found that having a Concealed Carry Permit lets me off the hook a lot.

    My license has been clear for about 7 years now, and I've gotten 3 warnings.

  15. #14
    i went to defensive driving when i was 17 for rolling through a stop sign. it was actually kinda fun. funny cop leading the session. anyhow, at the beginning he asked what everyone was pulled over for, starting with failure to stop at a stop sign.

    then he proceeded to ask about those who were cited for speeding. he asked people to raise their hands and drop them when the number of mph over that he called out no longer applied to them.

    he proceeded in sequence, "who had 5 over or more? 10 over or more? 15 over?" etc. slowly the number of hands in the air dwindled to a single hand raised and the guy didn't budge while the cop kept increasing.

    finally the cop stopped and just asked, "how fast were you going over the speed limit?"

    the guy responds, "90"

    the entire room swings their heads to get a good look at the guy.

    the cop smiles, seems impressed. "90 over huh? what were you doing?"

    the guy says, "well, i had a business meeting and i needed to get from salt lake to denver. i missed my flight (or something) and decided i would drive there."

    he ended up driving a porche there flying most of the way. the cop does the math and realizes the implication --- basically that the guy was doing 90 mph over the 65 mph speed limit, bringing the car to 155 mph which is faster than the 150 mph limit on the mustang engines of the highway patrol --- and says, "so you were pushing those mustang engines to the limit, how did they get you."

    the guy replies, "road block."

    the guy wouldn't tell us what was the fine he incurred, but i can imagine it was pretty steep.

  16. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by savanna3313
    When I first moved to SL, I was driving down the I-15 "somewhat" over the speed limit and spotted a state trooper coming from the opposite side. He passed by and when I looked in my rear view mirror, he was hooking a u-turn in the median. There was an exit coming up, so I slowed down and moved over to make the exit. I can see the trooper coming up in the traffic behind me with lights flashing. When I exited, it was a double lane with traffic going either west or east, so I chose the west bound lane. I looked over at the car in the east bound lane and it was literally identical to my own - a pearl white 4 door Maxima. Sure enough, here comes the trooper with his lights flashing and he pulls up behind the other guy's car instead of me! The light goes green, I turned west and never looked back!

    Now.....

    Should I have rolled down my window and admitted to being the one the trooper should be pulling over, or did I just get one sweet lucky break?


    You will get yours when the day of final judgement comes!
    "Always look at the bright side of life"

  17. #16
    There was a girl I used to date in Draper. This was back in about '77. After taking her home one night, I decided to see how fast I could get my parents old Plymouth Belvedere station wagon going. Remember, back then Draper was a sleepy little farming community, not like the busy place it is today. Too bad it's changed. Anyway, I got onto one of these roads between horse pastures and I lay my foot on the gas, I got up to 100, then decided to slow down. Two seconds after I slowed down, there was a horse in the middle of the road. I guess I was lucky that day.

  18. #17
    How girls do it!


  19. #18
    These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

    #16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

    #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight cause they're new they'll stretch after you wear them a while."

    # 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document

  20. #19
    Great stories.

    The fastest that I have gone in a car: 150 in my Dodge Daytona Shelby

    The fastest on a motorcycle: 130 on my BMW R1150GSA

    Somehow I have avoided speeding tickets for the most part I think. I have been passed by cops many times when I thought they were coming for me. Hell, I cant really remember very many tickets for speeding. I must be getting old. I got a speeding ticket a few years ago on my dirt bike (but it is street legal). I had just finished putting a new throttle cable on it and I was doing 50 in a 25 and then I ran a stop sign too. Shit. I think he gave me a 10 over and the stop sign deal he let slide. I tried to give him some lame excuse about trying to adjust my throttle. He didn't buy it. Bastard.


  21. #20
    Oak Creek, Colorado March 8 2009, approaching Oak Creek from Highway 131 headed north.

    Me:

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