Dmitri - He be pimpin. Or is this Alex?

[Brewhaha]

For your enjoyment:



Another interpretation:

[Alex]

OMG, how did you get a hold of my Olga's voice mail!?!?!?! That is so not fair, I am a straight forward guy and I say how it is, I give you until 2:30pm today to return all of my message left on Olga's voice mail, and I mean all 254 of them, or you can just forget it!! I mean it!

-Dmitri (real name is Alex)

[canyonphile]

Holy crap - a friend sent me the link to that a few days ago, with the header "OMG...what a catch". It was posted on holytaco.com, and here's the text that went with it on that site:

[quote][i]In all my years of studying douchebaggery, never have i encountered anything like this. It

[KapitanSparrow]

Heh. I am lost for words, heh.

[Iceaxe]

So.... do you think she called him back?????

[KapitanSparrow]

You know, sometimes in the middle of leaving a voice mail I think to myself "that sounded dumb" but never like this. Heh, I want to kick his ass and I am not even a girl, heh. I wish the whole world was full of Dimitris - we would be Gods!

[Iceaxe]

The second link is 100 times better than the first.

[theking648]

i heard that on the radio the other day, what a retard

[canyonphile]

So.... do you think she called him back?????

After he extolled his countless virtues, how could any woman NOT want to call him back? As he himself said, he's quite a catch....
....and release - QUICKLY!

I had a sort of similar experience about 5 years ago. This guy named Tim started chatting me up in the coffee shop where I would go to write up charts. Me, being a friendly and social type of person, thought that he was just friendly and hey, who doesn't like to have more friends, right? He was educated (Cornell) and seemed normal. He also told me within 2 minutes that he was being treated for not one, but two types of lymphoma. He was driving back and forth from Prescott, AZ to Stanford, CA for cancer treatments. He had no job and had his son in a college prep school in the area, which I think is why he was in Prescott. And of course a crazy bitch ex-wife back in NY . He bragged about being personal friends with that '50's rock relic Jerry Lee Lewis, and later showed me a photo of them together. Whatever; not impressed in the slightest by that sort of thing. He also told me that he'd published a book. Now, he made his money by passing a tin cup around at the local coffee house while playing his accoustic guitar and writing weird poetry. To say that he wasn't dating material was the understatement of the year for many reasons, including the fact that I wasn't completely single. I felt bad for him, but at that point, I thought he still seemed like he might be okay to do occasional things with, like have coffee and chat. You know - a casual friendship. I like those.

WRONG. What a nightmare he became. Apparently, the fact I was nice to him meant I clearly wanted a R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P with him ! I made the huge mistake of inviting him over one evening to listen to music and chat (and I had a roommate at the time) and he proceeded to plaster himself all over me and grope me and then would not leave! He was begging me to spend the night over and promised me he wouldn't "try anything". It was revolting and I finally managed to get him to go AWAY and go HOME to the place he was sharing with some woman in Chino Valley (about 15 mi. away).

He sent me an email the next day that had some sort of poem or verse in it that he'd written about seeing me at the coffee shop. It totally creeped and freaked me out. He showed up at the coffee house that evening while I was there doing work (and hoping I'd finish before he showed up). I had to have the "Dear John" conversation with him outside of the coffee shop. He got really pissed off and basically accused me of leading him on - huh?? Okay - lesson learned: don't talk to men at the coffee shop again, unless you want to have sex with them.

He sent an email that was similar to Dimitri's phone message, where he essentially wrote out this paragraph extolling his many wonderful qualities, which I apparently had failed to see. Included was his noble task of being a single father. Dude, whatever. There are tons of single parents out there that do that under much more difficult circumstances, and I know some of them. It's called being a "responsible parent", and you don't get a gold star for doing your job.

And, in typical fashion of an insecure misogynist scorned, he called me "frigid". Of course, if I had been so stupid as to sleep with him and then given him his walking papers, I'd have been a "slut". So, you can't win with these creepy asshole types.

The worst, however, was the obsession to see me in person before I left on a 4-day backpacking trip to "talk". I had nothing left to say to him at that point. He called me late one night (thank god for caller ID, eh?) and then early the next morning before I left for work. Since I didn't answer the phone, he resorted to the next option: show up at my work. He literally intercepted me as I was walking from the parking lot to my office in his van! Bothering me via phone or internet is one thing, but messing with me at work - that's where I draw the line. I was incensed and told him I had nothing to say and had to go to work.

From there, he degenerated into sending really nasty emails, calling me all sorts of names [favorite: a "pre-menapausal wilted fader" - whatever the hell that is], and trying to call me out on my numerous shortcomings and flaws as a human being. Yep, you've clearly known me long enough to know everything about me. I told him I was blocking his emails and to stop stalking me and spend what limited time he had left on this planet surrounded by friends that cared about him and his son, and not wasting time hating someone who he hardly knew. He finally went away.

It's really funny how with these types, a woman goes from being "elegant", "beautiful", "beautiful on the inside and outside" [I heard that stupid line from another crazy stalker a few years before] to "slut", "frigid" "probably being treated for anxiety or depression since you didn't call me" and that sort of thing - all in the span of hours or a day. Fascinating, isn't it?

So, major ick. After that, I was a little less friendly to any dude trying to strike up a conversation with me in the coffee shop - I think I must have had my "freak beacon" on or something.

Does anyone else have any weird creepy stalker (men or women) stories to share? They are pretty intertaining after the fact.



-SJ