Man Charged For Having Sex With A Patio Table

[accadacca]

Oh my hell. . .am I just a cruel asshole for laughing.



Police in Ohio say that a married father of three has confessed to repeatedly having sex with his patio picnic table.

Art Price, Jr., 40, has been charged with four counts of public indecency after a neighbor videotaped him getting all nasty with the umbrella hole in the middle of his plastic picnic table. Apparently preferring the table's legs in the air, Price reportedly flipped the table over before forcing himself inside of it.

Price admitted that his skeevy antics took place both inside and outside of his home, and police say he did his table humping in broad daylight, not far from a school.

In addition to public outrage, we imagine there's considerable jealousy among Price's other lawn furniture. While barbecues and lawn chairs don't have many places for good loving (unless you're big enough for that drink holder), we're sure that plastic gnome hiding in the hedges is wondering why he wasn't chosen. The garden hose, however, is probably pretty relieved.

[LOAH]

Wow, I'm glad I never got caught.

[Mtnman1830]

Apparently preferring the table's legs in the air, Price reportedly flipped the table over before forcing himself inside of it.

So, is he being charged with rape?

[Sombeech]

Just make sure the Grill is OFF.

[denaliguide]

a few things come to mind.

1) must be well endowed. the average umbrella pole is like 1 3/4 ". so, the hole in the table is probably close to 2" in diameter.

2) his neighbor is one sick puppy to run in and grab his camera.

3) wonder if the table ever said no.

i just have a hard time picturing in my mind how this worked with the table legs in the air. and i have a pretty good imagination.

another thing to remember.... it's only kinky the first time.

[Sombeech]

[Mtnman1830]

GOT WOOD?

[sparker1]

I've heard of guys doing a watermelon, or a knot hole in a wood fence, but a patio table???? He must have been "Board".

[RugerShooter]

GOT WOOD?

[Teleken]

So if he is going to jail, is the table seeing anyone else yet?

[Brewhaha]

I'd hit it.

[Iceaxe]

What happens on the patio stays on the patio.

[DirkHammergate]

So many questions running through my head, seriously though could an umbrella hole really be that pleasurable?

[Mtnman1830]

So many questions running through my head, seriously though could an umbrella hole really be that pleasurable?

Only if the table was made out of greasewood

[Sombeech]

He took down the umbrella one day and looked at the table. He noticed the hole and said "Hey, I'll bet I could hump that".

At each family BBQ, they made sure to keep him inside, washing dishes after the party.

[trackrunner]

I wonder will he have to register as a sex offender for this. Who ever would have thought patio picnic tables would be jailbait.

[Iceaxe]

I'm not really seeing the crime here.

It's not like he was intentionally flashing or anything. Heck, I bet more then one of us has been caught by the neighbor having sex with the wife/girlfriend.

Table's are not really my thing..... but unless the picnic table says NO I don't get it....

But you know what would be funny as hell.... If the neighbor got a ticket for being a peeping Tom.

[Thomas]

You think you have seen it all and then something else pops up, or pops through, or pops on. Give the guy credit at least he is unique.

I need to replace the bottom bracket in my mountain bike mmmmmmm, I have an idea.

[Sombeech]

I wonder will he have to register as a sex offender for this.

They never checked his record at his interview at Lifetime Products.

[R]

I am still looking at today's date on this one; a very elaborate April Fools joke?