Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Tool

[Iceaxe]

Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Tool

1. Backwards Baseball Hat - Do you play catcher for a major league ball club? Minor league? Local softball team? No? Then don't do this.


2. Oakley Blades - Your Tour de France riding days are over, pal.


3. Bluetooth Headset - Trust me, you're not that important. You're now just one-degree removed from Lando Calrissian's bald android assistant.


4. Gold Necklace - Rap moguls, NBA stars, and Mr. T excluded. Some white guy from the 'burbs, nuh uh.


5. Tommy Bahama Shirt - When in Hawaii, this is OK. In the upper 49, toolbag.


6. National Review Magazine - In close association with bad style, bad politics.


7. Belt-Clipped Cell Phone - Scream "I am a middle manager!" a little louder. The guy across the street didn't hear you.


8. "Cause" Wristband - Exceptions made if you or immediate family member is battling various wristband maladies. Otherwise, grab a scissors.


9. Over-The-Knee, double-pleated shorts - Two things wrong here: (A) 4 pleats. (B) Over the knee.


10. Crocs - The Zubaz of the '00s. Here's a good rule to live by: Never wear the same shoes as your 5-year-old nephew.

[Deathcricket]

You forgot the "barbed wire" tatoo around the bicep.

[derstuka]

Number 3 and number 10 (ok, number 1 sometimes I hate) are the only ones I agree with 100%. I HATE crocs! I saw you wearing a hawaiian shirt in some pictures Ice. Nothing at all wrong with Oakley blades.

[gonzo]

Hey, I wear Blade-like sunglasses. If I'm a tool can I be a monkey wrench?

The worst though are guys that wear some sort of sports team hat, with a different team's t-shirt. Especially if said teams are in the same league. Hey buddy, it's either Yankees OR Red Sox. You can't choose both.

Oh yeah, and anyone wearing an American Eagle shirt. American Eagle screams "HEY, LOOK AT ME! I CAN'T AFFORD TO SHOP AMBERCROMBIE AND FITCH, BUT I STILL WANT TO LOOK LIKE A DOUCHE BAG!" Doubly so if it's a pink Polo shirt with a turned up collar.

[Iceaxe]

Oh heck.... when sex is involved I have to problems looking like a tool.

[Alex]

Hey that's me! I wish I was middle tier management

[R]

Hey that's me! I wish I was middle tier management

Mine is on the left. Am I cool again?

[Jaxx]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.

[shlingdawg]

1. I concur.

2. Sunglasses are sunglasses. You're only a tool if you still wear the 80's Varnet's. (I know that's bound to offend someone around here.)

3. Concur. Attnetion whores for sure.

4. Anything gold shouldn't be worn by a white guy. Including gold watches, rings and bracelets.

5. Hawaiian shirts are lame. Even in Hawaii.

6. I have no opinion as I've never heard of that magazine.

7. Belt clip cell phone or Crackberry holsters are okay by me, if you're dressed in business attire and your coat covers it up. When the pants companies start putting an extra pocket on the front just for cell phones, I'll start using that instead of a holster or clip. Don't wear it when you're wearing casual clothes.

8. I support cause wristbands. Choose one, and only one. Too many makes you look like the only cause you're supporting is the lesbian-gay community (which I neither support nor condone).

9. Pleats of any kind, on any manner of dress should be left in the last century. Knee length are okay by me. I do not want to see your nasty hairy legs nor do I care to know which religion you belong to.

10. Croc's belong to children. That is all.

[rockgremlin]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.

concur


If this is the latest fashion, count me out!

[gonzo]

7. Belt clip cell phone or Crackberry holsters are okay by me, if you're dressed in business attire and your coat covers it up. When the pants companies start putting an extra pocket on the front just for cell phones, I'll start using that instead of a holster or clip. Don't wear it when you're wearing casual clothes.

The only people I know who regularly wear a suit jacket are tools. It's part of the territory.

[Iceaxe]

You make the call....

Legendary canyoneer MK.

[ericchile]

Or you do anything like these guys....

[shlingdawg]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.

concur


If this is the latest fashion, count me out!

DANGLE!

[savanna3313]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.

concur


If this is the latest fashion, count me out!

DANGLE!

I was thinking the same thing!

[James_B_Wads2000]

[quote=shlingdawg]

[James_B_Wads2000]

3. Bluetooth Headset - Trust me, you're not that important. You're now just one-degree removed from Lando Calrissian's bald android assistant.

[Rev. Coyote]

Too many makes you look like the only cause you're supporting is the lesbian-gay community (which I neither support nor condone).

Comments like that make a person look like a tool.

Other things:

1. Izod shirts with the collars turned up give a guy the King Tool award.

2. Mullets.

3. 4" exhaust tips on Dodge Neons (or any non-diesel vehicle for that matter). Ditto the giant spoilers on cars that can't break 100 mph.

4. Window stickers that show Calvin kneeling at the base of a cross. Those are big around here.

[gonzo]

4. Window stickers that show Calvin kneeling at the base of a cross. Those are big around here.

Window stickers showing Calvin doing anything. C'mon, that joke got old about 10 years ago.

[Rev. Coyote]

4. Window stickers that show Calvin kneeling at the base of a cross. Those are big around here.

Window stickers showing Calvin doing anything. C'mon, that joke got old about 10 years ago.

Yep. REAL old. The religious whackos around here are a trip. At least we lost Jerry Falwell to the Jaws of Death. Good ****ing riddance.