What Makes Men Fall in Love?

[tanya]

Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men's Health from men seeking relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.

When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right place at the right time that kick-start many a relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall -- and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8 percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let's delve a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what kind of woman does a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men's tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of "24," these are some of things that many men value in "the one."

A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him

Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered. Yes, it's nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.

A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time

Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once a couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that period when most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together. But at some point in the dance, one person will call a time out from the music of coupledom, and try to spend more time with his or her friends -- while still being careful not to step on any feet in the process. Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love, appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and not complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers. Don't worry, March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!

A Woman with a Strut

Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction. The strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night together may have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that happens day in and day out is one of the major attractors for a man. What do I mean by the strut? It's that attitude, that sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that charm that shows she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent post I talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that in certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the strut. Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of the whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the door.

A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties

Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we care about is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a key word-gentle guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that it's a man's need to be mothered, but it's more than that. Every relationship is a give and take, and guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're doing and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us, without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured copilots.

Have your own ideas about what makes us fall -- and fall hard? Share them here.

[accadacca]

What Makes Men Fall in Love?

[tanya]

You probably go head over heels for the woman in the motorcycle commercial where she is exchanging keys with the guy.

[hank moon]

Forgive me for saying so, but almost anything written about "love" in a mainstream magazine is bound to drivel. Hardly anyone talks about what love *is* - it's generally accepted that all humanity shares a (more or less) common view of what love is, means, etc.

Hardly.

I've never met 2 (non-authority oriented) people with identical views on love. We don't know what it is because we fail to talk about it, read about it, or be generally interested enough to learn about it. We hardly discuss any of the important aspects of life (birth, love, death, etc.) except with our partners or most intimate friends. Woe to the delusional demographic ingesting the vomitus served up in rags like Men's Health.

---

What is called love? Dependence, submission, and the inability to move away from the familiar "stable," domination, possessiveness, and the craving for control are felt to be love; sexual greed and the inability to stand solitude are experienced as proof of intense capacity for love. People believe that to love is simple but that to be loved is most difficult. They do not know that the real problem is not the difficulty of being loved but the difficulty of loving; that one is loved only if one can love, if one's capacity to love produces love in another person, that the capacity for love, not for its counterfeit, is a most difficult achievement.

-Erich Fromm

[sparker1]

Not to be difficult, Tanya, but none of that BS even remotely applies to me or anyone close to me. Honestly, I don't know myself what exact factors caused me to fall, and if truth were known, the same factors may not work another time. There is something we can't analyze, so I don't even try.

[tanya]

For me it's pure lust.

[sparker1]

For me it's pure lust.

That's the number 1 factor for me.

[tanya]

Then we think alike.

[tanya]

Not to be difficult, Tanya, but none of that BS even remotely applies to me or anyone close to me. Honestly, I don't know myself what exact factors caused me to fall, and if truth were known, the same factors may not work another time. There is something we can't analyze, so I don't even try.

Not even the strut!!!!!

[greyhair biker]

..there's a motorcycle in that commercial??!! I have a hard time getting past the woman strutting past the guy & tossing the keys...& that look...the smirk she gives...AYCARRAMBA!!...the hair.... ....Oh, does that answer the question Tanya?

[tanya]

That's THE STRUT!!!!

[greyhair biker]

on my....we NEED that video on here! I could watch it over and over...but until then it's playing on loop through my head

[Iceaxe]

What Makes Men Fall in Love?

I can only speak for myself.... but I usually fall in love after drinking to much beer or Tequila.
.

[tanya]

I always took you for the hit and run sort of guy.

[savanna3313]

Women who are orally gifted.

[sparker1]

Women who are orally gifted.

Isn't that a sub-category of lust?

[Sombeech]

Women who are orally gifted.

[tanya]

Seems to be how you interpret orally gifted

[greyhair biker]

you two are terrible! ...i so like terrible!

[tanya]

Let's set the record straight!!!!!

That would be Sparkler and 'Beech being terrible this time!!!!!


Savanna and I are totally innocent