A joke for Price and his perfect understanding of English

[DiscGo]

Rules for Better Writing

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clich=E9s like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clich=E9s.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

[Mtnman1830]

16. Don't use no double negatives.

This is my favorite one to intentionally use!

[price1869]

Seriously, I couldn't get through this.

[DiscGo]

[Rev. Coyote]

Backward ran sentences until reeled the mind.

[price1869]

I do like palindomes:

No mel gibson is a casino's big lemon.

Flee to me remote elf.

Cigar, toss it in a can it is so tragic.

Golf? no sir prefer prison flog.

something about a rat . . . .

[DiscGo]

My cell phone is a palindrome. I always want to tell people when I give it to them, but I usually don't because I figure they won't enjoy it.