Just for the boys: Do you mancation?

[tanya]

When Lee Glickenhaus and his four buddies attended Oberlin College in the 1970s, no day was complete without a hard-charging game of Ultimate Frisbee.

But 25 years later, few Frisbees were being tossed during their annual get-togethers. In their new roles as husbands and fathers, they found their weekends together to be pleasant but ... different. Inevitably, the spontaneity of their undergraduate days took a back seat to domestic obligations.

What could they do to recapture the old camaraderie?

The answer, they concluded, was for the five of them -- no wives, no children -- to go on an outdoor vacation together.

So for the past few years they have done just that. They have hiked through Zion National Park and Arches National Park, both in Utah. They have gone mountain-biking through another national park in Utah, Canyonlands. They have bicycled along the Cape Cod National Seashore outside of Provincetown. They have hiked on Great Island in Wellfleet. Though it hasn't always been easy to find the time amid family and work obligations, the five men have made it a top priority to spend a week together.

"It's a chance for us to talk about our lives, where we've been, where we're going," says Glickenhaus, 49, of Brookline. "It's allowed us to sort of go through life together."

This sort of guys-only getaway has acquired a groan-inducing moniker: the "mancation." But whatever you call it, it's on the rise.

Your typical mancation is spent in the strenuous pursuit of fun or adventure -- skiing, mountain-climbing, golfing. But the larger goals are to reconnect with old friends (or strengthen the ties with new ones), to recharge depleted batteries, to hold on to youth (or at least youthfulness), to regain a piece of an identity eroded by time and change.

Or simply to cut loose and kick back in a context that does not resemble the office or the home front in the slightest.

Take Tom Rolfs, for instance. As the principal trumpet of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, Rolfs has a high-profile job in one of the swankiest workplaces imaginable.

But every year, Rolfs teams up with three other BSO principal players and another friend and spends a week on the shores of a lake in Ontario, a spot so remote they have to fly in on a float plane.

Their cabin has no indoor plumbing, requiring the musicians to use outhouses and to pump water from the lake if they want to shower. They sleep on bunk beds. They fish for their dinner. And they love it.

"There's no telephone calls, no computers, no televisions," says Rolfs, 47, a married father of three who lives in Winchester.

"There's a lot of quiet time, just sitting around playing cards. But then there's a lot of conversations about all sorts of things, not necessarily music, either. You get to know each other in a way you normally wouldn't in the workplace."

Not that they completely leave work behind. These are, after all, world-class musicians, and as such, perfectionists. In addition to Rolfs, the group includes French horn player James Sommerville; tuba player Mike Roylance; timpanist Timothy Genis; and Mark Cantrell, a former Boston Pops trombonist who now works as a pilot. Their instruments are too large for the float plane, but that doesn't stop a couple of them from bringing along their mouthpieces so they can practice, sort of.

So as the sun sets on the lake, a musician from one of the nation's most prestigious orchestras might be sitting on the end of a dock, buzzing away on a mouthpiece with only the fish for an audience.

But that's where Rolfs draws the line. Noting that Sommerville, 44 and a Toronto native, was recently hired as the artistic director for the Hamilton Philharmonic Orchestra (he will remain at the BSO), Rolfs cracks: "We can't have people looking at scores on our trip. We can't let that happen, just because he has this fancy job."

Strong words. But then, trash-talking is a part of the mancation. While it is mostly good-humoured, arguments can result when you add the human ego to a complicated logistical equation involving different locations, family situations, and job demands -- not to mention competing notions of a good time.

"There are times when we fight like banshees," Glickenhaus says of his group, which includes men from Seattle, San Diego, Santa Cruz, N.M., and Ames, Iowa.

One year, for instance, Glickenhaus wanted the group to go to the mountains, while one friend lobbied hard for Key West.

"We had an enormous falling-out on the issue of where we should go," he says. "It was pretty ugly for a while." (The group eventually compromised and went to Cape Cod).

Sometimes, quirky traditions grow up around the mancation. For instance, a ratty old green polyester blazer is the trophy for the victor in the annual golf excursions undertaken by Tim Wern of Canton, Conn., and seven fraternity buddies from Cornell.

The golf trips have taken them to Las Vegas, San Diego, Myrtle Beach, S.C., Hilton Head, S.C., Scotland, and Canada. This summer, they will head for Lake Tahoe, Nev.

The winner, by tradition, gets to put his own logo, usually unsightly, on the coat, which was purchased at a secondhand store on Route 1 in Saugus.

"It gets uglier and uglier with each successive patch," says Wern, 39. "If you're the winner of the coat, you have to wear it when we go to a restaurant. It always draws a lot of attention."

Wern organized the first golf trip in the early 1990s, not long after the eight graduated from Cornell.

Back then, it was a way for a group of ex-athletes to keep their competitive juices flowing. But as they have approached middle age, its meaning has deepened.

"As the years go by, it's more of a draw, because guys need more of an escape as family commitments increase," says Wern, a married father of one. "It's almost like time hasn't passed, in a way. We all look older, but the banter is the same. It's almost like we're back in college again."

In Wern's view, "Our generation is different from the previous generation. Where they were just more work and family, our generation is more in touch with taking care of ourselves, which might be one weekend away with the guys."

In fact, the annual excursion is so important to Wern that before he got married, he made it clear to his wife-to-be that it was, in his words, "A take-it or leave-it deal."

"I joke that there was a prenup," says Wern. "She knows I would go crazy if I couldn't do this. Frankly, most of us would love it if our wives did the same thing, so we could reciprocate."

Because physical challenge is the organizing principle of the mancation, age and injuries inevitably take a toll. What starts out as an annual mountain-climb might quietly downshift, over time, to a bicycle trip.

Lee Glickenhaus's cadre has begun to suffer the slings and arrows of middle age: sciatica, bad knees. But Glickenhaus is getting more ambitious, not less, about their outings; in fact, he hopes one day to talk the gang into trekking across the High Sierras or the Cascades in Washington state.

"We are getting older, and it's nice to challenge ourselves and feel alive," he says. "This is an enormous priority in our lives. It's pretty sacred at this point."

Rolfs feels the same way. But, illustrating the vagaries of scheduling that can befall even the most devoutly observed mancation, this year's trip might be a casualty of a late-summer European tour by the BSO.

"I think the BSO should have cleared that through us," jokes Rolfs. "James Levine must have forgotten about our trip."


http://www.hamiltonspectator.com

[JP]

Yes, we're on a mancation out to Moab

[DiscGo]

My wife would be really upset if I were doing all sorts of hiking and camping (vacationing) with other people every year and she was not invited.


I think it is cool that these guys are still friends, but what is up with not inviting their wives? I wonder if there wives get a long and/or if their wives enjoy these activities.

[JP]

I just never heard of it called a mancation

[sparker1]

Different stokes for different folks. I would never feel comfortable going away without my wife. In fact, nearly all my relationship building over the years has been with family, so I've had very few close friends outside the family. Even when I played golf, it was mostly with my wife, maybe friends also. Not sure if it's good or bad, but I can't think of anyone I would mancation with.

[TreeHugger]

I would think all guys would want to mancation. The only time a guy can really be a guy is without girls around, sounds fun to me! I go away without my husband every year for a week or two (often a few times a year for long weekends), either with my girlfriends or my sister, usually on a mancation - biking, backpacking, hiking, etc. I just like the idea of hangin' with just my buds and being ourselves, it's such a blast and my husband is totally supportive of that. I would be all for him going on a mancation with his friends or brothers, for sure.

[gonzo]

I wish it weren't called a "mancation". That sounds like some sort of dental procedure.

Just about every year my friends plan a weekend out to Vegas for Defcon (we're geeks). And this year I'm doing a trip to Mount Whitney without my wife. (She was invited to go, but for some reason doesn't want to hike to 14000 feet while eight months pregnant).

My parents have been doing separate vacations for years, and they both really enjoy them. They also do plenty of vacations together. I think sometimes you need just need some time apart to be yourself.

[DiscGo]

I think a lot of this would come down to how much time you have available for vacationing. If you only get a week (or two) vacation a year, it would seem weird to me if you did not want to take that time with your spouse. If you can afford the time and money to do multiple trips, it would make a lot more sense to me.

If my wife and her friends wanted to do a road trip together, I would be grateful not to be invited. For me everything is better when my wife is around, so I would just rather things with her (which is probably why so many of my normal friendships are fading).

[TreeHugger]

Well, fortunately for me, I get lots of time off (a teacher), so I can do a long vacation with my awesome husband, plus a couple of short ones, AND have a long vacation with the girls, plus a couple of short ones. Yep, it's all good!

[DiscGo]

Wow! Good for you! It seems like it is not very often that teachers are actually able to take summer break. I can definitely see where for you having summers off and your husband (I'm guessing) having to work in the summer, it would make a lot of sense to do a trip like that.


I know you are a teacher, but what do you teach?

[Cirrus2000]

I have one buddy that I "mancation" with (sounds dirty) regularly. Zion, Moab, Skaha (rock climbing in BC's interior). We've also done trips to Paris & London. Back to - somewhere in Utah - this coming fall.

Right now I'm on a monocation (that's a solo vacation) in Utah. My wife is NOT into outdoor things - I only got into about 10 years after we married - but she gets away regularly with friends of hers. We also do family trips with the kids (Disneyland in January, 1 week every summer at a BC hot spring resort, visiting family this year in Ontario) and trips with just the two of us (Vegas last spring, NYC last fall).

Mmmm, traveling. I'll take it however I can get it! (And yes, TreeHugger, lots of time off really helps!)

[accadacca]

I do spend lots of time with da boys. We find that we must stay in a pack to keep each other outta trouble... But I also spend lots of time up at bear lake with my wife and two boys.

Some buddies and I are headed south on our motor-cicles st patties day weekend. That'll be a blast and I am hoping the weather is good.

[greyhair biker]

I strongly believe you have to take a little time for yourself, call it what you will. I plan at least one guys time out a year and I expect my wife to do the same. We do family vacations & stuff but when I gotta get away and let off steam Im impossible to live with if I dont get to...now for the groan...I got 190 hours vacation this year...thats on top of the days off I get...I only work half the year... please dont hit me!

[Cirrus2000]

I got 190 hours vacation this year...thats on top of the days off I get...I only work half the year... please dont hit me!

About 179 days last year. Worked, not off. It's rough, huh?

[DiscGo]

I only work half the year... please dont hit me!

That is awesome. I have been married for 4 years and my wife and I are still just starting out in life. We don't have the budget to take multiple trips every year, yet alone the time. I'm jealous!

[greyhair biker]

I only work half the year... please dont hit me!

That is awesome. I have been married for 4 years and my wife and I are still just starting out in life. We don't have the budget to take multiple trips every year, yet alone the time. I'm jealous!

hey, we'll have been married 24 years April 15(tax day - can tforget that one) and after this long you figure out, kinda, what you like and dont like to do together and as far as a budget is concerned, you plan as far in advance as you have to for what you want anyway...we start putting $$ away for our Hawaii trips a year in advance and well, biking trips, they just work themselves in wherever

[Sombeech]

I go on a lot of mancations. I had 2 in Feb.

[DiscGo]

hey, we'll have been married 24 years April 15

You really don't look old enough for that to be true. I guess that is one of the blessings of staying in shape. I already look older than I am.

[greyhair biker]

hey, we'll have been married 24 years April 15

You really don't look old enough for that to be true. I guess that is one of the blessings of staying in shape. I already look older than I am.

No one believes me when I tell them I have three sons 15,18,21 either - Ya just gotta do something, ANYTHING to keep active...any of us old farts will tell you the same thing. I would DIE if I couldnt get out and do SOMETHING. BTW, there are older guys on here than me...Im actually a youngin..42

[TreeHugger]

hey, we'll have been married 24 years April 15

You really don't look old enough for that to be true. I guess that is one of the blessings of staying in shape. I already look older than I am.

No one believes me when I tell them I have three sons 15,18,21 either - Ya just gotta do something, ANYTHING to keep active...any of us old farts will tell you the same thing. I would DIE if I couldnt get out and do SOMETHING. BTW, there are older guys on here than me...Im actually a youngin..42

You're right, I dont believe you either, you look great! :D Well, I still got two years on ya, no one believes I'm 44 either. Good genes and an active lifestyle.


DiscGolf - I teach middle school special education (primarily learning disabilities, behavior disorders, emotional impairments - no severe stuff) I've been in the high school for the last 15 years, I just switched to middle school this year.