The Hammer

[DirkHammergate]

is getting divorced... I need a rebound girl.

PM me LJ, I'm a great time, plus I've decided to completely start over and go back to my roots. I'm chucking the springbar (well, just letting the ex have everything as she steamrolls me into oblivion) and going back to backpacking gear. I'm stocking up over the winter and getting my 7 and 4 year old sweet bags and gear for a summer of single dad fun.

That is all.

Dirk

[snatch]

good luck, god speed, and god bless.

[DirkHammergate]

good luck, god speed, and god bless.

In all seriousness, thanks and I'm going to need it. I feel totally overwhelmed at the prospects of raising two little boys as a single dad.

[Scott Card]

Good luck. I have gone through this with hundreds of clients but not personally. Things that seem to help them in similar situations are to surround yourself with good supportive family members and/or friends. Do like they do in football. When the game is tight, there is confusion on the field, or things seem not-right, call a time out and talk to the coach. Whether it be God, a trusted friend or family member or even a counselor, don't be afraid to talk and ask for help/advice. Men have a hard time with this but it really can relieve a lot of stress and pressure.

Next, don't put your kids in the middle of this by bad mouthing your ex in front of them or in front of others who will tell your ex or the kids. Whether you and your ex can talk or work out problems in the future or whether she is an evil jerk, she is still the mother of the kids. Kids are smart and will grow away from you if evil mom becomes the excuse and reason for every bad thing that happens.

Finally, time will fix most problems and mend most hearts if you hang in there. You don't have to be perfect and the incredible thing about kids is that they are very forgiving and forgetful. Just do your best and love them, you are their hero and dad. NO ONE can take your place as imperfect or overwhelmed as you may think you are, no one.

I am sure you have already heard all this before but what the heck. It was free advice. My prayers are with you and your kids. Tough time right now, better times in the future.

[Iceaxe]

Yeah.... I'ver been through this one before..... and here is my advice....

The best way to get over one woman is to climb on top of anther

[DirkHammergate]

Good luck. I have gone through this with hundreds of clients but not personally. Things that seem to help them in similar situations are to surround yourself with good supportive family members and/or friends. Do like they do in football. When the game is tight, there is confusion on the field, or things seem not-right, call a time out and talk to the coach. Whether it be God, a trusted friend or family member or even a counselor, don't be afraid to talk and ask for help/advice. Men have a hard time with this but it really can relieve a lot of stress and pressure.

Next, don't put your kids in the middle of this by bad mouthing your ex in front of them or in front of others who will tell your ex or the kids. Whether you and your ex can talk or work out problems in the future or whether she is an evil jerk, she is still the mother of the kids. Kids are smart and will grow away from you if evil mom becomes the excuse and reason for every bad thing that happens.

Finally, time will fix most problems and mend most hearts if you hang in there. You don't have to be perfect and the incredible thing about kids is that they are very forgiving and forgetful. Just do your best and love them, you are their hero and dad. NO ONE can take your place as imperfect or overwhelmed as you may think you are, no one.

I am sure you have already heard all this before but what the heck. It was free advice. My prayers are with you and your kids. Tough time right now, better times in the future.

#1 - Thanks for the advice, I have an amazing family and support system, my soon to be former wife is getting good family support too. I've received counsel from my parents, brothers and sisters, her dad, her siblings, and I have a really great therapist I work with weekly. Unfortunately she is not feeling the need to accept any sort of counselling at the moment. I've found it to be really helpful in navigating through this time as I look to a sudden and complete life change.

#2 - Neither one of us has said a negative word about each other to our two boys. I do anticipate this to continue as we are both very committed to making sure they are happy. I have them from Thursday to Monday (typically 3 to 4 days) and she'll take them for the bulk of the school week. I refuse to bad mouth her in front of the boys, she's a fantastic mom, I'm still totally in love with her, and I'd do anything to ensure the boys happiness.

#3 - I do believe our problems are fixable, honestly, I'm going lay low for the next year to year and a 1/2 just focusing on work and the boys. I know she is unhappy with many things, I hope she can find something that makes her happy and that ultimately could be me and the boys. I'd like nothing more than to be that guy she feel in love with and married 12 years ago. I really want to do what is best for the two special boys I have now, that will be my focus as I move forward.

#4 - I appreciate the well wishes, its been the hardest three months of my life. I'm starting to get a better grip on things. You have really solid advice. Thanks Scott.

[DirkHammergate]

Yeah.... I'ver been through this one before..... and here is my advice....

The best way to get over one woman is to climb on top of anther

Duly noted.... Thanks

[DirkHammergate]

Here is Team Hammer one fine November 2005 day on Zuma beach in Malibu. That ava sure makes things shrink like I just got out of the pool... These two boys rule.

[DirkHammergate]

Anyone who wants to wear a "Team Hammer" tee shirt feel free....

Something like this:

[rockgremlin]

Cute kids. I hope all works out for the best.

Is nitmik still maintaining his forum? What does See and the rest have to say about your latest news?

[DirkHammergate]

Cute kids. I hope all works out for the best.

Is nitmik still maintaining his forum? What does See and the rest have to say about your latest news?

Thanks, yea, basically the same thing Scott said except See thinks I should get on the first female I come across. I'm kind of reluctant to do that just cause I'm still reeling from the wife walking away on me in such a short amount of time. I have to deal with some trust and relationship issues before I dive in again, well, unless LJ wants to pm me.

[Iceaxe]

I have to deal with some trust and relationship issues before I dive in again.

Oh my god, you are making my head hurt..... too much Dr. Phil.....

We ain't talking about buying the cow here..... just hangin' with some fun time party girls....





ps: I resized your pic, hope ya don't mind.....

[savanna3313]

Here is Team Hammer one fine November 2005 day on Zuma beach in Malibu. That ava sure makes things shrink like I just got out of the pool... These two boys rule.

Dang darlin'!! Anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Matthew McConaughey? You won't be solo for long!

[savanna3313]

Yeah.... I'ver been through this one before..... and here is my advice....

The best way to get over one woman is to climb on top of anther

So, this advice would work for women as well who are getting over a man? Just climb up on top of another? Geez.....it's that simple, eh?

[savanna3313]

Good luck. I have gone through this with hundreds of clients but not personally. Things that seem to help them in similar situations are to surround yourself with good supportive family members and/or friends. Do like they do in football. When the game is tight, there is confusion on the field, or things seem not-right, call a time out and talk to the coach. Whether it be God, a trusted friend or family member or even a counselor, don't be afraid to talk and ask for help/advice. Men have a hard time with this but it really can relieve a lot of stress and pressure.

Next, don't put your kids in the middle of this by bad mouthing your ex in front of them or in front of others who will tell your ex or the kids. Whether you and your ex can talk or work out problems in the future or whether she is an evil jerk, she is still the mother of the kids. Kids are smart and will grow away from you if evil mom becomes the excuse and reason for every bad thing that happens.

Finally, time will fix most problems and mend most hearts if you hang in there. You don't have to be perfect and the incredible thing about kids is that they are very forgiving and forgetful. Just do your best and love them, you are their hero and dad. NO ONE can take your place as imperfect or overwhelmed as you may think you are, no one.

I am sure you have already heard all this before but what the heck. It was free advice. My prayers are with you and your kids. Tough time right now, better times in the future.

Reading this brings tears to my eyes. Well said Scott!

[Sombeech]

Good luck bud. That's too bad.

[accadacca]

Dang man that sucks. You sound like your headed in the right direction. Good luck...the uutah posse is here for you.

[DirkHammergate]

[Dang darlin'!! Anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Matthew McConaughey? You won't be solo for long!

You are being waaay too kind, but if anyone wants to lump the Hammer with what People Magazine calls "the Sexiest Man Alive" so be it, says me. Actually, you should see how hot my soon to be ex wife is, damn, we were like one of those families where people put the XMas card in the center of their fridge for the year. I really don't want to be solo, I miss being a family too much still but I'm sure eventually I'll be able to move on.

BTW - Thanks for the well wishes everyone, there is always two sides to the story as well.

[Shan]

I am sorry Dirk. I wish you the best of luck.

[DirkHammergate]

I am sorry Dirk. I wish you the best of luck.

thanks, in two hours I get to review assets and debt split (me taking the debt and her taking the assets), child support agreements, and the draft of my divorce papers, all of which I've done myself because she's too busy but wants a divorce immediately.

I'm not bitter...