Bathroom Courtesy

[derstuka]

Ok, this may be a touchy subject for some, but it is a part of daily life for me, so I figured I would take a poll.

At my work, there are several bathrooms, plenty to go around, but that is not the problem. The problem is that many people tend to go into the two closest ones to me and just kill it for 30 minutes. I mean, they just sit there and let it stew forever, stinking up the whole damn thing. I walk in there sometimes, and all I can mutter is "my God, somebody needs to flush" and I walk out. Yet, at this same time, some people walk right past me like there is no odor whatsoever, and they proceed to take a seat right next to the stinker. I just can't see how one can choose to tolerate such smells. It boggles my mind. I really don't care if someone spends half the day in there, just as long as they do a "courtesy flush" and then proceed to read their paper, or do whatever it is they do.

What are your bathroom manners in a work bathroom, or where others will be soon using it?

[Sombeech]

You just smell like angels.

You should have made an option of "Flush right when it hits the water". That's me.

[rockgremlin]

I'm with you...I can't tolerate the smell of other people's poop. I would rather poop outside in the dirt over using those disgusting porta-potties that stink like all holy $%*t!!

[derstuka]

Anybody ever seen these pooping rules? Years ago, I posted and highlighted the "Courtesy Flush" one and kept re-posting it in the offending bathrooms. Somebody would tear it down, so I kept putting a new one back up.

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[live2ride]

What do you think about those that always let a big fart when they are at the urinal, sometimes it just makes laugh, I know I need to grow up but what the hell? I let escapies on purpose!!

[Sombeech]

THE ASTAIRE!!!

JAILBREAK ---

[Mtnbiker]

Holy hell, what a funny subject. This hits all too close to home for me.. ugh my office is two doors down from the one sacred shrine that serves the entire front office. Therefore I thankfully get to hear ALL happenings and all conversation in said sacred shrine.

Not only do we have at least two immensely proud out of the closet poopers, but they especially revel in the situation that brings both their stank asses into the two stalls in the bathroom at the same time! It's literally a poopfest, and I'm still amazed at the great detail in which they explain their prize possession to their neighbor. I think they are truly sad to see it go! Comments like... oooh, I should've let it brew awhile, or Ouch, that one hurt, or, HOW many beers did I have last night...?

One guy you can hear shuffling down the hall from two miles away, slow and steady, to announce his arrival. The other (as described above) either proudly displays the newspaper under his arm like a trophy, or literally swings the newspaper bag around in large circles as he parades down the hall. I don't get it. I like to be sneaky in my shrine visits but he actually would print it in the paper to let everyone know if he could.. WEIRD.


The walk of shame is in my office, the walk of FAME. What's even worse is they've all worked here about 100 years so they intimately know each one's stink, and if the other had been in before them, upon arrival they usually announce to everyone their disgust that "Fred" has been there! hahaha.....

[live2ride]

I love the google adds this is bring up!!!!

[RugerShooter]

At my work, there are several bathrooms,

how would that be to have several, at my workplace there is one bathroom, and I don't think anybody know's the "COURTESY FLUSH"

you have to do several "FLY BY'S" to be safe

[accadacca]

Just pure torture to smell some of these guys. The phrase "someone died in there" is the only decent comparison. If it is that bad I head to the next floor...just makes me sick.

If I hear someone opening the flood gates of HELL. I usually say, "what the hell did you eat" or "take it easy in there." Sometimes they laugh or don't say anything....

[Iceaxe]

You guys sure make a big deal out of pooping.....

My major concern is after I drop a duce...... should I stand up or sit down to wipe? Right handed or left handed? Fold or crumple?

[derstuka]

Man, this BIG guy used to work at my office years ago, and when he was in the bathroom you knew it! I was in the stall one time, taking care of business, and then all of a sudden, I hear very heavy breathing, like a grizzly bear, and the door next to me slams open, next thing I know, it sounds like world war III over there. Pow, bam, pow, pow, splash ...with all sorts of grunting and moaning....needless to say, I cut it short, and literally ran out of the bathroom as fast I as could. That is another thing that amazes me. Just like live2ride said, the people who cut a big fart next to you, almost like it is on purpose, and you're like, holy hell! I try and be somewhat descreet, unless the bathroom is empty, then that is time to let out all the stops!

[derstuka]

Just pure torture to smell some of these guys. The phrase "someone died in there" is the only decent comparison. If it is that bad I head to the next floor...just makes me sick.

If I hear someone opening the flood gates of HELL. I usually say, "what the hell did you eat" or "take it easy in there." Sometimes they laugh or don't say anything....

That's funny sh*t!

[live2ride]

That's funny sh*t! [/quote]


That was very appropriate for this thread!! I love it

[Sombeech]

ESCAPEE.
JAILBREAK
COURTESY FLUSH.
WALK OF SHAME.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
SAFE HAVENS.
TURD BURGLAR:
CAMO-COUGH.
ASTAIRE.
WATERMELON.
HAVANA OMELET.
UNCLE TED.
FLY BY.

OK, here are some more definitions.

IMAGINARY FRIEND - This happens when the unknown dude in the stall next to you starts up a conversation. A very uncomfortable situation, as you should stay quiet. Reason? They are actually talking on their cell phone, and NOT TO YOU. The goal is to finish up, wash up, and exit before your "neighbor" comes out of the stall and recognizes you, or you risk a WALK OF SHAME.

ONE, TWO, PICK UP SHOE - Often, the shoes are the only thing seen from outside the stall. To hide your identity from a passer-by, you can scoot your feet in towards your body so there is no traceable evidence that it is really you in there. If it is a small stall, picking both of your feet up may be your only option. Be warned, this may invoke a TURD BURGLAR.

[greyhair biker]

I've got you all beat!! MY little home away from home consists of a 6'x6'x6' cube with a door & painted blue of all things with a porta pottie in it...we call it 'the blue room' - we get to haul it around with us when we advance/retreat mine AND when you move it around with a forklift it tends to splishsplash a bit...makes it exciting for the next guy to use it. It's the Last Resort room!

[savanna3313]

I wasn't going to *step* into this one, but a memory I had tried to keep supressed returned after reading this thread.

When I still had my business down in New Orleans, the a/c & heating ductwork system was one solid piece and connected the two PUBLIC restrooms along with the ductwork that came into my office. Many times I had to exit my office, door open to the fresh air, and wait while the funk filtered out. The odor always came unexpectedly......it reminded me of one of those horror movies where you see a shroud of eerie fog moving along slowly - ready to engulf anything it its path. It would drift through the vent and filter down on your head. Quite embarrasing if you had people in your office and the a/c kicked on after someone had just spent the last 30 minutes in one of the restrooms.

Closing the bathroom vents didn't stop the problem, so I finally had a thick piece of plastic placed over them from the inside. It worked.

[greyhair biker]

Well, we have a person dedicated to driving around the mine and checking the blue rooms...sometimes they go a little longer than you'd think is acceptable...they are also 'outby' or upwind of the working panels most of the time ...just thinking about it is enough to put me off my dinner...which is 'inby' or downwind in the panel...

[Sombeech]

Here's some bathroom stuntwork for our thread.





I'm sorry Sombeech, Sombeech can't allow that. Thank you. Sincerely, Sombeech.

[Udink]

Here's some bathroom stuntwork for our thread.

Man, the rest of this thread hasn't been too bad, but that just ain't right.