Medical Humor

[Windwalker]

Humor submitted by Doctors


1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab. I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in
the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.


2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths, "I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the
patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?! " I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six
hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him
quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body. Now, the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying
a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -
when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kra! nsdorf, Detroit, MI


7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,
so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was com-
pletely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that
her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................


8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly. The middle-aged lady! upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was
I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

[chickenlicken]

Those are great!