She's so old...

[funintheslots]

she was an early investor in Apple...the fruit

she actually robbed Peter to pay Paul

she was a fluffer for the Kama Sutra

she got a senior citizen discount to see Birth of a Nation

her social security number is 9

she's the third drawing from the left on the evolutionary chart

she remembers the mini-mall they tore down to build Stonehenge

she won't give her real age because it predates counting

she remembers the best thing BEFORE sliced bread

Methuselah dumped her for a younger woman

she remembers when Helen of Troy's face had only launched a couple of ships

her favorite hobby: Respiration

she majored in Spanish - not the language, the Inquisition

pre-menopause, she had geologic periods

Social life: not Speed Dating - Carbon Dating

she likes older men, but there are none

her first job was a papyrus route

she remembers when if you looked green around the gills you really were

Old Faithful was new and unreliable

Tuesday was hump day

incest was just called "sex"

there was only one way to skin a cat

in school Geology was called Current Events

the Twin Cities were Sodom and Gomorrah

amphibians were just called "show-offs"

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Thanks to Two and a Half Men...