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Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -
Fireman, Truck Driver, Salesman, etc.

Johnny...

This morning, I was in a huge hurry and on my way to work. I was
preoccupied with what my day held and I rear-ended a car at a stop
light because I was not really paying attention. I had hot coffee...

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet,...

Three (natural) blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said,...

At a French airport... A group of American retired teachers
recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an
elderly gentleman of 83, was part of the tour group.

At French Customs, he took...

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked...

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting and confesses; "I used
some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the...

A man is lying on his deathbed. His wife sits at his bedside holding his hand and praying silently. He looks up and says "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," she replies.
...

One night a man barges into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and stands in front of his wife.

"This is the pig I screw when you have a headache," he says.

The wife looks at him and...

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air....

Ole had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, "Vell, I'll...

Three third graders from Tennessee (an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a redneck kid) are on the play ground at recess.

The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the...

What's the difference between a chain saw and a viola?

If you absolutely had to, you could use a chain saw in a string quartet.

The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey--Nice bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this...

Oh, yeah! :naughty:

The 7 dwarfs all went to bed feeling sleepy. Sleepy got out and they all felt Grumpy.

A female officer arrests a man for drunk driving.

The female officer tells the man "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The drunk...

A plane is in trouble and going down.

One of the passengers, a woman, panics, gets up, takes off all her clothes and says "Who's man enough to make me feel like a real woman right now?"

A man...

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,...

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The...

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the Temple's marriage marathon, the Rabbi asked her husband, Ralph, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with...

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.

When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her "What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her...

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal...

I posted this here 'cause it applies to both climbers and canyoneers:

http://news.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/10/26/MNGMBM08VF1.DTL&\
type=printable

Be safe. Check your...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen....