PDA

View Full Version : Hilarious One-Star Yelp Reviews of National Parks



accadacca
08-26-2015, 10:57 AM
http://www.motherjones.com/files/imagecache/top-of-content-main/canyon_0.jpg
Grand Canyon National Park/Flickr

The National Park Service turns 99 years old on Tuesday. To celebrate, the Department of the Interior has waived admission fees for all NPS sites for the day. That's a pretty sweet deal. You should stop reading this right now, call in sick, and enjoy the great outdoors. National parks are great.

But not everyone agrees. Yelp is filled with one- and two-star reviews of America's most pristine and majestic natural wonders. And honestly, they're riveting. What makes a national park a one-star destination varies from one reviewer to the next. Maybe the tacos at the visitor center aren't up to snuff. Maybe it was cloudy. Maybe the park was too cowardly to cut down some trees for spillover parking lots. Maybe it was President Barack Obama's fault.

Whatever the case, you can thank these people for leaving the campgrounds a little bit less crowded for the rest of us:


JOSHUA TREE:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/joshuatree.jpg
The desert is too hot. Esther Lee (https://www.flickr.com/photos/47096398@N08/6128387697/in/photolist-akxA9R-ajXEJ2-ajXEzH-pjqqBL-ak1tym-dbseNr-oCoa8d-n2GwP5-82yCWG-ajXFtR-ak1t5h-pqzz68-rPcKqG-pqmaSG-oBd32q-qTs1Zd-dcERPA-q5LXyj-dK7TjT-nmyFVs-ak1s8j-ajXF4e-ak1tBL-oXSr4G-nfCAL7-n2PCN6-ak1rZJ-nArYUy-dP6mS8-nyTE8p-nwRWUf-4uivY3-7p1nw1-5RyCL-7dFH3p-7dFE9r-oRJYdn-khRaVE-7dKjPS-7dKhsW-7dKeKU-keaz5x-ke9TDv-keawve-n2ESPZ-nb8cCA-ozgvjq-nfCgJ8-khPcHR-nfCmGB)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.33.05%20AM.png
I looked it up, and it's true—the bees at Joshua Tree National Park are out of control (http://www.nps.gov/jotr/learn/news/09beeclosure.htm). In 2000, a group of hikers was attacked by a swarm and one man was stung more than 100 times (http://articles.latimes.com/2000/jun/26/news/mn-45011). They tried to get inside their car to escape, but some of the bees followed them inside the car and continued stinging them. Holy crap, bees! If you were stung 100 times by bees at Joshua Tree, you should give it one star. But maybe it shouldn't have come as too much of a surprise that the desert gets hot in the summer. This is like downgrading a restaurant because you went there on a hunger strike.


DEATH VALLEY:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/deathvalley.jpg
Pass. John Fowler (https://www.flickr.com/photos/snowpeak/16639369496/in/photolist-rmn7QY-ruXFXc-qwcWML-rodMBo-rDmeXo-4yQ1Zi-rgjhs2-wirzLb-gLf91G-dZPAnB-pQ85MZ-e51d7S-8tsz5t-8tvz6f-8tvAZY-8tvyx7-8tsx2K-pKdhZG-rAeKcB-gJVNvx-poG6bT-5xR1MH-qQKgC5-6cUkfz-hxHHZR-r5aZG5-9yCX4w-gK4JdQ-dH9oAc-gLeAcn-pNiqGQ-d2E4Xq-8tvBj1-gLemKJ-8tsyDi-8tvADN-gK2GU1-ntwLNR-8QjzLP-4yUiQu-gLeMY7-8QjzGX-gLe5hR-4ymUT4-4yrpg3-4ymRAP-4yrkuq-4yr4C5-4yr4cJ-4yr6a9)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.34.23%20AM_0.png

PINNACLES:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/pinnacles.jpg
Some rocks. sfbaywalk (https://www.flickr.com/photos/sfbaywalk/2151288416/in/photolist-7WERoL-4h6Shj-4h2SN8-7WBDrr-7WER5J-4h2PjZ-4gC92S-4h6Sw7-4gC6v3-4gyDa2-4h2ThR-4h6VsU-4gCmfj-4h6V6A-7WB8yZ-hRkmLe-9QimUZ-4h2QtZ-4h2Qda-4h6T77-4h6V2S-4h2P6x-pgxw7t-eigry9-9Qimbi-9QmbSu-4gxVMg-4gxN2K-4h6UVu-4gC569-9Qmcmj-4h2Pgg-4h2RHn-4gy2aR-hRkoB8-7WEjXq-4gBYys-4gChHG-4gytuB-4h6Ta1-7WERfS-7WjV5F-4h2QoK-4h6UCL-hV5CZb-4h2Pm2-4gyqkD-hSSSXi-9QimxB-4h6Syu)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.38.01%20AM.png

YOSEMITE:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/yosemite.jpg
And? Aaron & Carol (https://www.flickr.com/photos/extremepath/573414879/in/photolist-SEUgr-SEUGM-71k8cS-SETNV-SDiEu-8E6MCQ-SDgQ7-SEVTx-SETvD-71g9oM-71g6Yi-7QyyS4-eTmvBm-71g6sH-71g7fP-SEU18-SDi7E-71k8Uy-SET24-71g8EK-71k81G-SEUzM-7QytjK-71g7yD-71k6Sh-SDh4J-SETAn-SET8K-SEUdR-SDggw-SDhMy-SESjX-71g6xe-71k6JA-SDiLQ-71g8e4-SDfAS-SDfgY-71g9GT-SDfQQ-71g64V-SEViv-71g9CF-SDiNA-71g7Gz-71g966-SDgcW-71g7rB-71k9To-71g8sx)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.46.24%20AM.png

LASSEN VOLCANIC:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/lassen.jpg
Where's the lava? Roy Scribner (https://www.flickr.com/photos/73025701@N00/4780742076/in/photolist-8hsy4w-pmSbqb-p7ph8q-eY7Z6X-55ywP-icVDwD-ftqPCh-icWxjY-dRoMhe-icV82T-icVmkh-icVtfN-icVwE3-futPM8-8tAo5f-icV7Ji-rJyh6-dRumou-p7pcQ7-8txmKP-5pkbvu-nxN7tn-8AqTfy-icTE9s-xUxWk-icTNPb-icVgEf-8txnuV-8Mgv8C-a84rhY-ouVhVJ-dRumc9-cSogKj-dRoMae-tP1thc-cSoou7-dh7CiW-prVqoM-prULzm-pJ8bhe-pJra4Y-prUJtN-qr5jL9-m52YuG-8tApi5-cMVYBY-wxF1Hx-rH6JyV-8tAs1d-dM9G2Z)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.48.08%20AM.png
CRATER LAKE:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/craterlake.jpg
You could see Fantastic Four for the same price. Glenn Scofield Williams (https://www.flickr.com/photos/glennwilliamspdx/4980897405/in/photolist-8A9pgt-aUm2QZ-74bD7V-aUTfdF-6LZ15C-xUD4q-3npzzg-8wxecV-rzWWz2-xUAso-owGkL4-owGtXM-hZeDLu-qXgRC9-8s1euB-cXzsBU-d9HPW4-rU9yh9-5iZrGr-dPRekh-rRXpC7-36vgF-3nu34Q-8wwNce-8AcupN-9eDFdj-5kH1L4-ayx8sh-xuica-owH8qG-5BTtJ3-5kH1Gv-5BPbpc-cytFwE-dghRLa-24UDCb-dghSNj-oQ2MfK-rS5An8-rRXv3A-s9wzxk-rS5mne-s7eKYh-s9wFJt-s7ezV1-s9of1Y-s9ocaN-rcJjMn-rcwHkJ-rS5tRT)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.54.36%20AM.png
And a bonus two-star review of Crater Lake that's kidding itself about not being a one-star review:
http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.55.53%20AM.png

OLYMPIC:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/olympic.jpg
A big rock with glorified weeds. Esther Lee (https://www.flickr.com/photos/47096398@N08/5521421416/in/photolist-9pUJdY-ovCYpZ-9pRGzk-bDtbRS-bSnUGD-9pUJ83-9pRHha-aiDXnz-aiDY9n-9pRFT8-aiGMqS-dbN5pE-aiGB4C-dn7qB8-fDBExZ-fDBDFe-fDUht1-dn7qSp-fDBDyg-4sSNkh-ovMbLQ-dbN4wB-dbN4kR-fDUhHj-fDBCUx-8m84Ba-fDBDmZ-fDBCng-fDUgx1-fDUfhA-fDUeS7-bSHJp2-bDP2dG-bSHJov-qw3L8Y-oZEhfv-fDUdE1-fDUdiu-fDBBLe-74NFEF-8mT73J-8mhDZj-fqTY43-8pdaT1-8pdau9-8kYBwx-gMRke-8mPXKZ-ph9JmT-3cbar9)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2010.59.22%20AM.png
Do not let the National Park Service tell you how many friends you can have.


GRAND CANYON:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/grandcanyon_0.jpg
Few amenities. Grand Canyon National Park (https://www.flickr.com/photos/grand_canyon_nps/8452224764/in/photolist-dSTRXb-8yio3H-9bwiuM-djkc6L-bpzLpE-oqH1xf-qtciE7-7XzyTQ-pdSwCn-bCuHd2-7XzBgE-rp5u41-pFxdnh-pFsZTv-prnp7i-qnX5zp-q6yJ41-nGaHnw-nYyhw3-5zRC5b-poWoZn-nYE7P6-nYyh7A-nYE6Sr-nGaHGG-nYyh99-nGasuM-nGaHoA-f4hV1N-kU4TB-nW82RA-8u6cGp-pp2tm6-jDPFGt-7dAALr-pp3RKW-bpzNpS-bpzN5U-bpzLMb-pp1uU9-pp41ry-7XzAfo-pFedPV-oJBdkC-pFeayB-3yKCMC-pDuRGE-poWjKv-pp2cRD-pFwXES)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.03.58%20AM.png

CARLSBAD CAVERNS:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/carlsbad.jpg
Only go to this cave if you like caves. Greg Heartsfield (https://www.flickr.com/photos/grand_canyon_nps/8452224764/in/photolist-dSTRXb-8yio3H-9bwiuM-djkc6L-bpzLpE-oqH1xf-qtciE7-7XzyTQ-pdSwCn-bCuHd2-7XzBgE-rp5u41-pFxdnh-pFsZTv-prnp7i-qnX5zp-q6yJ41-nGaHnw-nYyhw3-5zRC5b-poWoZn-nYE7P6-nYyh7A-nYE6Sr-nGaHGG-nYyh99-nGasuM-nGaHoA-f4hV1N-kU4TB-nW82RA-8u6cGp-pp2tm6-jDPFGt-7dAALr-pp3RKW-bpzNpS-bpzN5U-bpzLMb-pp1uU9-pp41ry-7XzAfo-pFedPV-oJBdkC-pFeayB-3yKCMC-pDuRGE-poWjKv-pp2cRD-pFwXES)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.05.54%20AM.png

PETRIFIED FOREST:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/petrified.jpg
The trees are all dead! Park Ranger (https://www.flickr.com/photos/petrifiedforestranger/5690453383/in/photolist-q6EyX8-9ER75R-bNHARx-7gutRs-7oYW5n-p3qn6o-k6ayoT-9ER4xe-qKTmoJ-qKSLpw-oCexvD-9xcsfU-gRQx5R-qKRNfA-n3b95R-7h6ZvE-rmb3BE-qHk4sb-r3iZfM-eU3YW8-9HqX3H-n3bjC4-7foPuR-9Hr21P-9HqZyx-eQYFfz-9HtRhY-eRzsR4-7dBQBf-aKb692-aKb75R-aKbbBi-aKb7TT-aKbbeP-aKb4fV-aKba5R-9aeq5R-9aevbi-9aevyF-9aepYH-9HqWPn-7h2UPV-7djDbg-7h2UQ8-9x9mFM-e5JvjZ-k28z62-k29pxk-k27jei-oyoPp5)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.07.33%20AM.png

YELLOWSTONE:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/yellowstone.jpg
Good luck swimming here. A Davis (https://www.flickr.com/photos/biggernoise/5959466882/in/photolist-a5BPT1-a5BQku-a5yWLv-bsL44t-5oz35i-7ars1v-7avg7d-7avfNQ-7avgk3-7avgoS-7arsdv-7avgb5-7avfYU-awnWdi-6LEj58-6LJsi9-6LJvUC-6LEjjk-6LJAy7-6LJHQu-6LEpRx-6LEqWV-6LEoCH-6LEoXR-6LErmD-6LEjZe-6LJwuN-6LJz4J-6LJyuj-6LEkdk-6LJD3w-6LEiEH-6LJrT1-6LEpfV-6LEr9k-6LJtq5-6LEqqa-6LJHDY-6LEjM6-6LJxeQ-6LJwGS-6LJs5W-6LEkrp-6LJwfw-6LEuyK-6LJDed-6LEiSZ-6LEnYH-5u3NrK-jWAAk)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.13.07%20AM.png

BADLANDS:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/badlands.jpg
Bad. Jim Bowen (https://www.flickr.com/photos/jamiedfw/499102357/in/photolist-L72K4-oXJci7-bBMip4-wfQV5E-ionKgW-b5nKgR-aE2JgM-7bxMhL-boSokm-mPtvb2-c8gJku-aasdAV-aasdsF-cihP5w-9QHCQu-at1ZSn-at4DoC-3hoN22-dfVcrJ-55JDEu-8fUhPF-3n92D-8fdYyK-mPv7i5-8w1hD9-wW6a6c-xbHQKb-brd9Fj-wvcWKq-w1T9o6-7bxSny-vFbQ2m-x4RJYQ-4trQVa-vggtYh-vh1aiC-774aPb-xJ7V9D-xug28p-p4TR4A-eaSYjJ-34ejPJ-aaeX37-rcFx5-2Atvrc-Tshv1-8YCvgo-96tgBX-jhEb-8rRUGG)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.15.45%20AM.png

ARCHES:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/arches_0.jpg
One star. Max and Dee Bernt (https://www.flickr.com/photos/lhanaphotography/15075338076/in/photolist-rh2G-oYa3N1-jukzNX-acM1WU-jwhn5e-chKSD1-DtsS-wCttJd-8WxG2t-5fSV2r-qnfNEW-5xyb2-hwAZmH-nxtCXA-arWCWo-8U41GJ-6kcWZN-afnuvN-47nnpz-8nmM9B-La5Xd-4MK2Nf-8GkRtz-8UiT2u-atD6H4-2UXAUH-abbmJq-pJ3XV3-4tvUuC-vHVsKc-jjhPBH-jAGfXc-rxk2eo-ah2kBQ-ascv6c-awkCNh-aAUuAp-jCn6m5-8TZWNx-La6ks-dNKHSa-6qpjYZ-a78U6H-LamSF-La6vq-La8do-Lam4z-Lan9V-La7V7-LamMz)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.33.27%20AM.png

ZION:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/zion.jpg
Skip the tacos. Cyril Fluck (https://www.flickr.com/photos/39090590@N02/8356825126/in/photolist-dJsUXQ-5oDepS-5oyQut-5oyQvR-chKSUC-6JgPfF-nxnjrA-8aKNCC-5dqEvV-nxE247-8aKLKU-8aGu7t-4A5k8t-4A5kbt-4A9zZY-nxkuwt-nxo2Au-EpFnE-8aGwq4-8aKNkw-8aGwPg-ng8z5H-ng9e6T-ng8V3Q-4WeZVu-eDjxF-nxDx38-6RJeyy-25Rfcr-6REbuD-6RJcR5-6RJeaj-6RJchG-6RJbHW-6RJdHN-6REaHR-6RJe4b-6REbCg-6REb6n-6REagP-6RJdoC-6RJcDs-6RJbY3-6RJc87-6RE92p-6RJcsN-6RJdfj-6SArYc-8aKLUQ-6JkWCY)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.34.59%20AM.png

SHENANDOAH:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/shenandoah.jpg
Pure government overreach. David McSpadden (https://www.flickr.com/photos/familyclan/15704389416/in/photolist-pFpVdt-7hd77L-pVK6QL-pFpUg8-fXt16t-pXEMEP-pXYDdy-8zU1Yb-pXYCBU-fWGLBe-ecB4NW-cCHK5f-efvhKM-pxJapp-pXEN8n-pFpWuM-pFpVyD-pFseP1-fWQBdY-7hp8E3-7hp98u-7CAPDY-nrsNYB-fswsuv-hnH8n2-k2cc72-pFse6C-7ds9Ju-7ds8t9-7ds8D1-7dogSK-7dofWR-7ds9as-7ds9dC-7ds8NC-dLLSUy-pXQGEc-cCHyh7-cCGZSw-7dofKc-7dogfv-7dofNZ-7ds95f-7ds8Qq-cCH7rs-cCH2Uo-cCGGYj-cCHr5h-cCHhMb-cCHvkE)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.22.11%20AM.png
(N.B.: There is an entire visitor center devoted to the mistreatment of former inhabitants.)


ACADIA:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/acadia.jpg
Nice try, try a state park. Robbie Shade (https://www.flickr.com/photos/rjshade/15468890788/in/photolist-pyW7iA-ppj4Nk-pyZ3F1-oXnnTV-f3rLju-6SJ3Wa-vJDSBG-8Mai2F-6FoqJa-yNi3y-6R8ay8-568LmT-yNu9c-4CqLit-eQvk1i-4CqTQ6-ekbUMs-ePwPd2-4Cvdeb-4CuWmh-eQJei3-vWtrQ6-vxaXys-dcX49m-dcX2qZ-4CvaiW-pGTc8-4CqUsP-4CqTug-6Jh1ZW-493HUU-8jxsUK-4CqLpc-ek6BQ2-4CqTqD-hmGxo-4Crgcv-eHRpJ4-4CvaFb-4CqV4p-4CvaAU-4CvbnW-gVjKNa-6NuQrk-4CvaJG-vhoFKy-2icPWH-4CqU4D-4CvbuA-4Cva63)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.23.58%20AM.png

HAWAI'I VOLCANOES:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/hawaii.jpg
Still no lava. Ed Dunens (https://www.flickr.com/photos/blachswan/10547839883/in/photolist-h55rjk-h54Nh5-h53Ew8-h53Nik-h53Tc7-h54CSq-h53xhD-h53AdD-dSQzJP-dSWauo-dSQtbn-dSQkPp-dSVYzJ-dSQztD-dSQuax-dSW8Th-dSQvW8-dSVWF1-dSVPtf-dSQ2E4-dSVU9A-dSWbqY-dSVVCj-dSQtuT-dSQ9Dc-dSW3CW-dSW6Um-dSVUR7-dSQwsX-dSVNpW-dSW3fy-dSW2Go-dSQ8yD-dSVM7w-dSVLw1-dSW55C-dSVX5J-dSVMsm-dSVNHW-dSVWi9-dSQ93p-dSQjkt-dSVMKU-dSQoHn-dSVYdb-dSVVhs-dSVZBj-dSVKpu-dSW2ZQ-dSVP2Y)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.39.47%20AM.png

HALEAKALA:

http://www.motherjones.com/files/haleakala.jpg
This is it? Joe Parks (https://www.flickr.com/photos/parksjd/16040000203/in/photolist-qrpceD-6nDK4P-GcAme-bu8oe7-92iiMC-92fcjx-92iiu5-92fg2g-92fdbt-92fgXv-4en85D-92feiV-92ikYJ-9pXLz3-2iJ35S-92ffeZ-hsAY-4f5Gso-bkfY2h-8ZTLf-2246mz-8uZ3HV-bkfXc5-anQTMk-aoCJjn-5XJWAH-pXZvhu-6rSsjm-HASJ6-7VRmUq-2woxKg-pG38Hg-4f1FFt-eiFVpQ-6tQNL1-63G916-9ZazV2-6tLEkV-6tyPLr-5nrbM6-qvREpi-qvH6SG-9Zaz2X-9Zdmib-G5jge-9Zaiua-9Zdbid-9Zac9v-9hQ56m-T6tk4)/Flickr

http://www.motherjones.com/files/Screen%20Shot%202015-08-24%20at%2011.44.44%20AM.png

http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2015/08/i-cant-stop-reading-these-one-star-yelp-reviews-national-parks

phatch
08-26-2015, 12:35 PM
I've done a few hours at Painted Desert/Petrified Forest going North to South through the park. Loved it. Most people just drive through. The roads were crowded. If you stopped at the turnouts and did the short walks, there was a lot to see, and surprising amounts of petrified wood. But no one did. We had the turnouts mostly to ourselves. The walk near the visitors center on the South end, paved and all, was impressive with petrified wood.

The same can be said for Olympic NP and the Hoh Rain Forest. Plenty of people on pavement, but so few were wiling to deal with the constant drizzle. I did just the simple things with the turnouts and short walks. Had these places to ourselves and enjoyed our short visit thoroughly.