Signs that you may not be the best canyoneer in town

[Scott P]

You did Imlay on your first day canyoneering, and 8 years later Pine Creek still scares the bejeezus out of you.

You're mad that canyons with trails through them don’t have an ACA risk factor rating.

You know the description of every section of Heaps Canyon, but the most you've ever done is the approach up the West Rim Trail, you got scared, and hiked back down.

The exposure in your local gym terrifies you.

The only thought you have before a next trip is "How am I gonna get Tom Jones to lead all the canyons planned?"

You fall off the front steps of your house.

You freeze at the technical section of the canyon and the little kids yell at you to "Stop hogging the sliding board".

People ask if you're a park ranger.

The only jam you are able to deal with is when you slammed your hand in the car door.

You've had to be rescued from the paved Gateway to the Narrows Trail.

Your partner regularly hauls you up the obstacles on a Z-pully.

You can't cross the talus field without a belay.

Your team always uses you first to "test" the anchor.

Your best skill is meat anchor.

If you find yourself repeatedly yelling "FALLING!!"...........on the approach.

You think "Hypothermia" and "Heat Stroke" are the up and coming rock groups.

You think that only Utah has canyons.

You misunderstand the meaning of "deadman anchor".

[Kuya]

:haha: you come up with these yourself? those are great! thanks for the good laugh :2thumbs:

[Scott Card]

You wear new brand name clothes in canyons...

[joeb]

Your 11 year old daughter tells you to suck it up and face your fear when getting on rope

[canyonguru]

You spend more time on Bogley writing about canyons then actually doing them. (i kinda do that) eclipsee_steering

[Iceaxe]

You believe everything Iceaxe posts.

:lol8:

[Byron]

You carry a 30 pound pack through a skinny slot, loaded with bivy gear, extra food, clothing, massive first aid kit and all the other "essentials" when the hike itself only takes a few hours and it doesn't occur to you that you may have carried too much stuff.

In fact, your pissed because you forgot extra socks.

[oldno7]

You put your wetsuit on backwards.....

[spinesnaper]

Wingtips with neo socks.

[penmartens]

You put your wetsuit on backwards.....

I sure hope Pat isn't reading this. We told him that is how canyoneers wear them.

Penny

[SRG]

You sweat through a dry canyon in a wetsuit, when you wear shorts for the 2nd canyon of the day you end up trudging through snow.... guilty.

You spot a car for middle lep :haha:

[accadacca]

Good ones. :roflol:

You wear a Mtn bike helmet. :haha:

[Slot Machine]

You can upclimb 5.12, but can't downclimb 5.7.

You prefer purple webbing.

You think sticky rubber is something you toss out the window at the drive-in movie theater.

[mzamp]

You ask for a fireman belay and a top belay even though the drop is only 10ft and drops into 6 feet of water.

[Iceaxe]

Driving to Zion you take the Toquerville Exit and pronounce it "To Queer Ville".

[qedcook]

You spot a car for middle lep :haha:

Hilarious!!! :roflol:

[qedcook]

You ignore the climbing rule of redundant anchors. Oh wait, that's all canyoneers...

[Absolute Gravity]

You think sticky rubber is something you toss out the window at the drive-in movie theater.

You win the internets!

[Aj84737]

Your favorite canyoneering spot is ZIONS national park.

[yetigonecrazy]

You scoff at those who talk about EF Lep but you have never crawled out of a pothole or done high stemming

[SRG]

You don't give anyone in your party a fireman's belay because none of them are firemen.

You wear 5mm neo socks and bring a walking stick through every canyon you descend.

[penmartens]

You lay down in the sand when someone asks for a helmet stand.

Penny

[Byron]

You ask your hiking buddy to tie two ropes together at the rap ring, and they tie it like a shoelace, declaring that it'll be real easy to undo at the bottom.

Actually, would that work? I'll have to do an experiment!

[flatiron]

All your canyoneering partners are "B" teamers.

You carry 'water shoes' on every trip and switch footwear whenever your 'hiking boots' could get wet.

Everyone else in group can do a downclimb, except you need to rappel, then you get stuck on rappel, then you won't let anyone help you get unstuck even tho you are only 4' off the ground, then everyone sits for 10 minutes while you get unstuck.(true story I watched once - never again)

LUC is a strange Mormon term meaning ?????

[Absolute Gravity]

If any of this http://www.bogley.com/forum/showthread.php?68210-Post-Your-Canyon-Trash-Collection (http://www.bogley.com/forum/showthread.php?68210-Post-Your-Canyon-Trash-Collection!!)!! is yours.

[ratagonia]

Your buddy ties two ropes together like tying shoes, and you think it is a great new easier way to do it...

[Absolute Gravity]

Your buddy ties two ropes together like tying shoes, and you think it is a great new easier way to do it...

That you're the second to say this means it must be happening waayyyyy too often :ne_nau: and/or you didn't read the 3rd previous post. :haha:

[Byron]

Your buddy ties two ropes together like tying shoes, and you think it is a great new easier way to do it...It's called a double entendre, Tom. Kinda humor within humor...funny, you're normally pretty sharp when it comes to these things. Assuming, of course, that you're referring to my post...if not, then it's pretty freaky that we thought up the same thing.

[ratagonia]

It's called a double entendre, Tom. Kinda humor within humor...funny, you're normally pretty sharp when it comes to these things. Assuming, of course, that you're referring to my post...if not, then it's pretty freaky that we thought up the same thing.

too subtle for you, I guess...

:moses:

[Erik B]

..

[Erik B]

You put your wetsuit on backwards.....

....saw it this last week in the subway... No surprises there, right?

[Stray]

You dunk your camera in the pool at the bottom of pool arch.

You bolt a 4 ft down climb in Ding and Dang.

You've rappel with your locking carabiner unlocked.

You been hit in the head by a rock with your helmet carefully stored in your pack.

[Stray]

You put your wetsuit on backwards.....

Putting it on inside out is much more painful.

[Bootboy]

Your favorite canyoneering spot is ZIONS national park.

Amen. I know a guy who guided canyons for an out fit down that way and he still says ZION'S. drives me nuts

[Kuya]

When referring to Zion National Park, you say ZIONS National Park just to drive people nuts ;) hehehe

you spell reppel wrong

You get all your ropes stuck on the last rappel of the canyon

[spinesnaper]

You hike slow because of all the water in your waders.

[rockgremlin]

You wear new brand name clothes in canyons...

Haha! Guilty...:lol8:

[hesse15]

Your favorite canyoneering spot is ZIONS national park.

you think you are a bad ass canyoneer because you did tearsdrop and camel toe.

you blame the websites:ne_nau: for not telling you how thick wetsuit you have to wear and that you have to carry a lighter and a headlamp, but you took all of Rich Carlson advanced classes (and this person really is out there and still he think that black hole in memorial day is a canyon that requires 13,5hrs to be completed )

[canyoncaver]

You walk up to people (in Blue John Canyon) and ask how to get to Blue John Canyon.

[Scott Card]

You hear someone talking about canyoneering and you say to them, "Oh I've done canyoneering...It's not that hard" because you have completed Little Wild Horse Canyon--up and back!

[ratagonia]

Embarrassed to not have a rope for your upcoming trip, you swing by Harbor Freight on your way home from work and pick one up. :naughty:

[Absolute Gravity]

Embarrassed to not have a rope for your upcoming trip, you swing by Harbor Freight on your way home from work and pick one up. :naughty:

After returning to the car with your nice new rope it dawns on you that you also have no rapids so back into Harbor Freight you go...

[Iceaxe]

You ego-blog about canyoneering being an extreme or adrenaline sport.

You write fluff pieces with pictures about your extreme sport, which is really nothing more then hiking, swimming and sliding down ropes.


Tap'n on my Galaxy G3

[TommyBoy]

You ego-blog about canyoneering being an extreme or adrenaline sport.

You write fluff pieces with pictures about your extreme sport, which is really nothing more then hiking, swimming and sliding down ropes.


Tap'n on my Galaxy G3

Well I can't very well ego blog about my video games, that won't impress the ladies. Canyoneering makes me much more manly. :stud::killen:

[flatiron]

You walk up to people (in Blue John Canyon) and ask how to get to Blue John Canyon.

All geared up as it starts to rain, you ask the Traffic Ranger at the east entrance to Zion Tunnel if Pine Creek ever flashs.

You blame beta pushers for bad info after taking 10 hrs to do Spry.

You attach a helmet to your pack for the whole trip.

You come to an anchor with 2 separate pieces of webbing and rapides, and decide you need to add another. (came across this recently doing SOMaidenwater - got nice haul of swag)

[Slipknot]

After finishing Mystery canyon, hiking out and riding the shuttles into Springdale with all of your harness and helmet on so everyone can see how cool you are.

[WyoTucky]

You read this thread and none of it seems funny!

[yetigonecrazy]

You walk up to people (in Blue John Canyon) and ask how to get to Blue John Canyon.

Or, you ask people where "that blue pool is" when inside Blue John, and when you tell them its located 300 miles away they ask "why would they name the canyon "blue john" and put it in that movie if it wasn't in there?!".......true story

[zul]

"I thought this was supposed to be all down hill?!?"

[spinesnaper]

You carry a survival saw canyoneering...just in case.:nod:

[Scott P]

[post deleted]

[yetigonecrazy]

[This post has been deleted by the user.]

[Slot Machine]

All of the socks you own are still white.

Whenever you see a photo of a slot canyon, and you wonder where it is, your first guess is -The Narrows.

You are self-conscious when the seat of your pants are torn.

You get pissed when the bite valve of your Camelback gets covered with sand.

When someone asks if you have ever had sex in a canyon, and your reply is: "Of course, Goblin's Lair."

[Iceaxe]

When someone asks if you have ever had sex in a canyon, and your reply is: "Of course, Goblin's Lair."

Nothing wrong with having sex in Goblins Lair ;-)


Tap'n on my Galaxy G3

[rockgremlin]

When your "annual list of canyons" drops from 15 to 2...one of the 2 being the non-tech portion of "The Squeeze"

[nelsonccc]

When your "annual list of canyons" drops from 15 to 2...one of the 2 being the non-tech portion of "The Squeeze"

I hear ya on that!

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 2

[Slot Machine]

You lose your cumberbund AND your camera AND use the valuable resources of SAR all during the same trip. :lol8:

69941

[JT Local]

Tuxedo Man rules!

[Bootboy]

You lose your cumberbund AND your camera AND use the valuable resources of SAR all during the same trip. :lol8:

69941

What a clown...

[Scott P]

^^^^

A little harsh perhaps?

[Slot Machine]

A little harsh perhaps?

Not harsh enough.

The tuxedo seems like an external manifestation of the careless and reckless person within. From the tux, to the pack, to the plastic kneepads, to the dangling camera and non-lockers, to getting stuck and wasting the time of SAR, EVERY action taken (and not taken) by this group drips with nincompoopery.

What if he died in there, in his tuxedo? What if the unnecessary rescue helicopter had crashed? Then could we call him a clown?...

:soapbox:

[deagol]

Not harsh enough.

The tuxedo seems like an external manifestation of the careless and reckless person within. From the tux, to the pack, to the plastic kneepads, to the dangling camera and non-lockers, to his friend getting stuck and wasting the time of SAR, EVERY action taken (and not taken) by this group drips with nincompoopery.

What if his friend died in there? What if the unnecessary rescue helicopter had crashed? Then could we call him a clown?...

:soapbox:

I thought it was he (tuxedo man) who got stuck ???
It was his friend?


OK.

[Slot Machine]

I thought it was he (tuxedo man) who got stuck ???
It was his friend?

I read the thread again and it was tuxedo man that got stuck. My mistake. (rant edited for accuracy)

[Erik B]

^^^^

A little harsh perhaps?

agreed...nothin wrong with having a little fun with it.

[Slot Machine]

agreed...nothin wrong with having a little fun with it.

Very strange that you and Scott would have this guy's back in any way/shape/form.... :ne_nau:

Being silly and safe is cool (like your suits in Cable -very cool). Being silly and reckless is not; which is the spirit of my rant...

I'm not the only one that's glad Captain Kirk found that camera. It's good to visualize what kind of teammates to avoid.

[deagol]

Very strange that you and Scott would have this guy's back in any way/shape/form.... :ne_nau:

Being silly and safe is cool (like your suits in Cable -very cool). Being silly and reckless is not; which is the spirit of my rant...

I'm not the only one that's glad Captain Kirk found that camera. It's good to visualize what kind of teammates to avoid.

I'm with Slot Machine on this one. It's not the suits, per se. It's the fact that part of this "costume" was found as litter in the canyon, along with other stuff. .. a partially eaten apple? really ??

[jamestkirk]

actually, the apple was whole i believe, uneaten and in decent shape.

[Scott P]

Very strange that you and Scott would have this guy's back in any way/shape/form.... :ne_nau:

Since he is a new member, I thought it might be a little harsh to poke too much fun/call names on the public forum, but then again I didn't read all of the other thread until now either. Believe me, I do see your points.

Like you and everyone else, I'm also scratching my head thinking "what the ____ is he doing"?

It's definitely not cool to leave a bunch of trash in the canyon, or to cause a rescue if someone is reckless.

[deagol]

OK, I must have misread that.
Did you take it out?

[Bootboy]

Back to the OP...

You might not be the best canyoneer in town when you whine about a lack of bolts in a remote and difficult canyon...

[Kuya]

You might not be the best canyoneer in town when you are told about a "sand trap" and you bring a pitching wedge!

[qedcook]

You might not be the best canyoneer in town when you whine about a lack of bolts in a remote and difficult canyon...

This is a comical thread, not a commentary thread. Keep your propaganda to yourself, bootboy.

[ghawk]

In preparation to do Mystery canyon on a summer day, you decide it will be easiest to put a wetsuit on at the visitors center, then climb up to observation point and down the canyon. :crazy: You also only bring 500 ml of water because you don't really drink that much water usually...:facepalm1:

This happened about 4 years ago when i invited a friend of mine. She went and changed into her wetsuit and I was like... "umm, you might want to put that on later" but she was determined! We got off the shuttle and she says "I think I'm going to go change" :lol8: I'd also told her to bring 3 liters of water and when I asked her about it she said "she had enough". She had less than a liter and when her lips started cracking I asked if she wanted some. Eventually she accepted and we both got through the canyon a little dehydrated (didn't need wetsuits either). :haha: The good news is that we did more canyons later and she always had enough water and put her wetsuit on at appropriate times = lesson learned. :cool2: Can you imagine if she had tried to climb up that trail? hehe :lol8:

[Bootboy]

This is a comical thread, not a commentary thread. Keep your propaganda to yourself, bootboy.

Propaganda? Ethics maybe. Lighten up.

You might not be the best canyoneer in town if a post like mine gets you all upset.

[qedcook]

Propaganda? Ethics maybe. Lighten up.

You might not be the best canyoneer in town if a post like mine gets you all upset.

You might not be the best canyoneer in town if your username on Bogley is Bootboy.

[Bootboy]

You might not be the best canyoneer in town if your username on Bogley is Bootboy.

Ouch. You got me good there. I'm going to take my ball and go home.

[DesertDuke]

Actually I think what qedcook and bootboy both mean to say is "you might not be the best canyoneer if you go by the call sign DesertDuke". And ironically my first post on here was semi-whining about no bolt at a big drop-off but my suckiness is based on much more than me loving bolts. Reading this thread does sting just a bit because it describes me in so many ways. But...its all in good fun. I think even bottom 5th percentilers like me can take some humor in it! Luckily I don't fit all of them.

So, trying to get it back on track......eh........you might not be the best canyoneer if......................hmmmmm.....I was going to say if you carry more than one knife but that was already covered well in another thread................hmmmm I already did the "if your name is desertduke" thing and that is so true that it isnt funny anyway.............hmmmmm..............I got it.......you are at the bottom of the rap and your group asks how you are going to retrieve the rope and you state "retrieval?"

[Scott P]

So now that we've determined all the canyoneers that are not the best in town, I wonder which one really is the best in town?

[TommyBoy]

That would be me of course.:cool2:

[spinesnaper]

That would be me of course.:cool2:

Arrogance: "I like that in a pilot."


http://youtu.be/p890hIa1w9k?t=1m6s

[Bluff-Canyoneer]

So now that we've determined all the canyoneers that are not the best in town, I wonder which one really is the best in town?

The one having the most fun!

[hesse15]

The one having the most fun!
the one that does not get himself or other injured?:2thumbs:

[hesse15]

You might not be the best canyoneer in town if:

When somebody tell you they are bringing the happy hooker in Imlay you bring condoms along the canyon!!!!

When they talk about pot shot , you thing is a new kind of drug and get all excited !!!!

when you spend $300 for a wetsuit and decide to do chamber or middle lep or shenanigan in it and complain that get a "little " torn

when you think is cool to do north wash canyons in running shorts and sleevless shirt ( i witnessed it) and ended up with a fool skin peel on the rock!