Slot Machine
05-17-2013, 02:22 PM
In the world of canyoneering there are some clever canyon names and some that are blatantly obnoxious. Here are my ‘best/worst’ of each:
The Best:
#7 Neon
A rare instance of the name exceeding the quality of the canyon. It's not a bad canyon, but a really good name that inspires visions of vividly colored sandstone.
#6 Inferno
If you have ever read Dante's book then the name will certainly spark your curiosity.
#5 Sandthrax
An epic story that inspired an epic name for an epic canyon. Sandthrax even sounds mean.
#4 Pandora's Box
What is more appealing to a canyoneer than a seemingly endless treasure trove full of problems?
#3 Mindbender
A great name, probably better pinned on Not Mindbender. It just didn't work out that way.
#2 Leprechaun
From young kids to the elderly, this name captures everyone's imagination. A fantastic name for three of the premier canyons in the North Wash. It's no wonder that Shamrock and Shimrock and... and... the other one... never caught on.
#1 Kaleidoscope
It's a shame that this name wasn't in circulation sooner, because it is widely known by another name. In a time where the PSP has displaced this children's toy, this name is under-appreciated. Kaleidoscope is a brilliant descriptor of this multi-faceted canyon, making it the best of the best.
The Worst:
#8 Pothoez
It's easy to envision a pimp keeping his employees ‘in check’ when you hear this name. Did Snoop Dogg complete the first descent of this canyon? If so, is the road to get out there Cadillac friendly?
#7 Shinob Canyon - Nighthawk (Y-bru-sats) Fork
Just try and invite your buddies to do this canyon with you. They will hang up on you before you can tell them the complete name.
#6 In The Butte Bob
Somewhere Bevis and Butthead are chuckling at this one. Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh. Who let their 13 year old boy name this? Just try telling your coworkers about your kickass weekend 'In the Butte'. Most people don't even know what a butte is. Awkward.
#5 Water Canyon
So boring. "Sandstone Canyon isn't dull enough... so let's name it Water Canyon!" The fact that there are two canyons in Utah with this name makes the situation even worse.
#4 Shillelagh Canyons
Since the Shillelagh craze of 1724, this once fashionable Irish disagreement-settler has been on a steady popularity decline. The band members of Flogging Molly would have no idea how to pronounce the name; and it will break your spellchecker if you dared try to spell check it. It's just a silly name compared to the other creative names in the North Wash neighborhood.
#3 Larry Canyon
Visions of a comedian drowning in denim flash through my mind whenever I hear the name 'Larry". It's a shame that the name stuck to such a good canyon. Whoever thought of it didn't git-r-done.
#2 Whatever-Mile-Number Canyon
I understand that people haven't gotten around to finding names for some of these canyons. However, some of them have been deliberately named this way. Seriously? Couldn't come up with something better? Did you name your daughter 'Number 3' because you ran out of names after your first two kids? Also, who does blah-blah-blah-mile canyon and isn't tempted to rename it?
#1 SOS, DDI, MMI, or any other arrangement of 3 letters
I'll pick on SOS, because it is the worst of the worst.
SOS was originally named Scorpion West by a group that did a portion of the canyon, then left the most difficult section undescended. Later, the canyon was completed and renamed SOS. Completing the canyon was a big-time achievement in the canyoneering department, but an epic fail in the naming department. It's nondescript, not creative and not Google friendly. It's simply a terrible name for arguably the most treacherous canyon in Utah. The canyon's difficulty and mythical status warrant a much better name. If I ever meet Aaron, Stevee B or Landon, I will beg them to give it a better name. For now, I'll stick with Scorpion West; because I'll never carry the energy to explain the vague alphabet soup that has been pinned to this ferocious canyon.
Disclaimer: This editorial was plagiarized from the computer in my office. References not available upon request.
The Best:
#7 Neon
A rare instance of the name exceeding the quality of the canyon. It's not a bad canyon, but a really good name that inspires visions of vividly colored sandstone.
#6 Inferno
If you have ever read Dante's book then the name will certainly spark your curiosity.
#5 Sandthrax
An epic story that inspired an epic name for an epic canyon. Sandthrax even sounds mean.
#4 Pandora's Box
What is more appealing to a canyoneer than a seemingly endless treasure trove full of problems?
#3 Mindbender
A great name, probably better pinned on Not Mindbender. It just didn't work out that way.
#2 Leprechaun
From young kids to the elderly, this name captures everyone's imagination. A fantastic name for three of the premier canyons in the North Wash. It's no wonder that Shamrock and Shimrock and... and... the other one... never caught on.
#1 Kaleidoscope
It's a shame that this name wasn't in circulation sooner, because it is widely known by another name. In a time where the PSP has displaced this children's toy, this name is under-appreciated. Kaleidoscope is a brilliant descriptor of this multi-faceted canyon, making it the best of the best.
The Worst:
#8 Pothoez
It's easy to envision a pimp keeping his employees ‘in check’ when you hear this name. Did Snoop Dogg complete the first descent of this canyon? If so, is the road to get out there Cadillac friendly?
#7 Shinob Canyon - Nighthawk (Y-bru-sats) Fork
Just try and invite your buddies to do this canyon with you. They will hang up on you before you can tell them the complete name.
#6 In The Butte Bob
Somewhere Bevis and Butthead are chuckling at this one. Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh. Who let their 13 year old boy name this? Just try telling your coworkers about your kickass weekend 'In the Butte'. Most people don't even know what a butte is. Awkward.
#5 Water Canyon
So boring. "Sandstone Canyon isn't dull enough... so let's name it Water Canyon!" The fact that there are two canyons in Utah with this name makes the situation even worse.
#4 Shillelagh Canyons
Since the Shillelagh craze of 1724, this once fashionable Irish disagreement-settler has been on a steady popularity decline. The band members of Flogging Molly would have no idea how to pronounce the name; and it will break your spellchecker if you dared try to spell check it. It's just a silly name compared to the other creative names in the North Wash neighborhood.
#3 Larry Canyon
Visions of a comedian drowning in denim flash through my mind whenever I hear the name 'Larry". It's a shame that the name stuck to such a good canyon. Whoever thought of it didn't git-r-done.
#2 Whatever-Mile-Number Canyon
I understand that people haven't gotten around to finding names for some of these canyons. However, some of them have been deliberately named this way. Seriously? Couldn't come up with something better? Did you name your daughter 'Number 3' because you ran out of names after your first two kids? Also, who does blah-blah-blah-mile canyon and isn't tempted to rename it?
#1 SOS, DDI, MMI, or any other arrangement of 3 letters
I'll pick on SOS, because it is the worst of the worst.
SOS was originally named Scorpion West by a group that did a portion of the canyon, then left the most difficult section undescended. Later, the canyon was completed and renamed SOS. Completing the canyon was a big-time achievement in the canyoneering department, but an epic fail in the naming department. It's nondescript, not creative and not Google friendly. It's simply a terrible name for arguably the most treacherous canyon in Utah. The canyon's difficulty and mythical status warrant a much better name. If I ever meet Aaron, Stevee B or Landon, I will beg them to give it a better name. For now, I'll stick with Scorpion West; because I'll never carry the energy to explain the vague alphabet soup that has been pinned to this ferocious canyon.
Disclaimer: This editorial was plagiarized from the computer in my office. References not available upon request.