Marriage is becoming obsolete

[tanya]

The media coverage over the last week would have one think that Americans are racing to trade in the clang of wedding bells for the sweet sound of independence

[tanya]

I doubt I would ever marry again.

It seems the thing to do when young, but what happens to Most (and I really think it is most) is that they grow apart and then feel they are stuck. Those that stay do so because of Kids and not wanting to loose what they have worked all their lives to build.

Lawyers seems to get 99% and the ex's split the 1% that is left. - Okay that part is an exaggeration, but its bad out there!

I have talked to so many men who are 40 to 50 and the ex took almost everything they had and wants more! They keep taking them to court for more and more and more.

If they have kids that are not grown yet, they end up paying a lot for child support, even if they have the kids equal time.

Many men have to move in with a friend or live in a tiny apartment to survive. The women don't seem much happier and most have to work a job after being able to stay home all their lives which is difficult to do at their age.

I have a friend who never did marry. He is a Vet and makes lots of money, but he pays like crazy for his one kid, just to be able to see her once a week. The court ruled that they acted and shared as if they were married, so he must pay as if they were.

We all want to wake up with the one we love, be held, have fun and do all that stuff. It's a shame that money can make that all ugly in the end.

[peakbaggers]

I've been married now for 32 years and would not change a thing. The reasons for so many failed marriages are varied & complex, and there's not time or space to analyze all of them here, but here's one thought. I believe that entering marriage thoughtfully and carefully and not just on a hormone/sex rush has a great many benefits that will contribute to a lasting marriage. I knew what "kind" of woman I wanted to marry and waited for her. I've always been an "outdoor" oriented type and knew how important that was to me, so I sought a woman with similar interests. My wife and I do pretty much everything together. We have climbed almost all of the peaks in Colorado over 13,000 ft. together and have been at it for 32+ years. We canyoneer together; road bike; mountain bike; backcountry ski; hike; backpack; etc. Do we have some separate activities? Yes. But we never have to argue about what "I" want to do. We have a great number of things in common. We've raised our two kids in a similar way and they have both married well.
We met a woman on top of a peak near Telluride a few years back who complained about always having trouble finding a climbing partner. I responded to her, "I married mine!"
I'm reminded of the third Indiana Jones movie where Indy must choose which of many is the Holy Grail. He is confronted with any number of ornate challises, some bedecked in gold and jewels and others with ornate designs. Others with him choose wrong and die, but Indy looks and selects a plain wooden cup saying, "This is a carpenter's cup" refering to Jesus' father Joseph who was such. Having made the right choice, one of the Knights replies, "You have chosen well."
My wife is certainly not the most beautiful woman around (and I'm certainly not the most handsome man), but she is right for me and I'm glad I chose well. Hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of romantic mush, but if we hold a higher view of marriage, then I think a lasting marriage can be a realistic outcome. :moses:Signed: a retrogrouch!

[Deathcricket]

I doubt I would ever marry again.

It seems the thing to do when young, but what happens to Most (and I really think it is most) is that they grow apart and then feel they are stuck. Those that stay do so because of Kids and not wanting to loose what they have worked all their lives to build.

Lawyers seems to get 99% and the ex's split the 1% that is left. - Okay that part is an exaggeration, but its bad out there!

I have talked to so many men who are 40 to 50 and the ex took almost everything they had and wants more! They keep taking them to court for more and more and more.

If they have kids that are not grown yet, they end up paying a lot for child support, even if they have the kids equal time.

Many men have to move in with a friend or live in a tiny apartment to survive. The women don't seem much happier and most have to work a job after being able to stay home all their lives which is difficult to do at their age.

I have a friend who never did marry. He is a Vet and makes lots of money, but he plays like crazy for his one kid, just to be able to see her once a week. The court ruled that they acted and shared as if they were married, so he must pay as if they were.

We all want to wake up with the one we love, be held, have fun and do all that stuff. It's a shame that money can make that all ugly in the end.

Good post! I felt "stuck" in my last marriage and should have gotten out about 3 years earlier than I did. But stayed there for my kid desperately trying to work it out. I now pay a lot for child support because my ex has no job (nor does she want one), and is considered "in need of compensation". But I pay almost nothing in alimony, so it's fine. really when all is said and done it costs about 15% of my gross monthly. So I survive just fine. To get this deal though I pretty much gave up every possession we had to her except the house which we have only owned for 2 years and is upside down on anyways. But again I don't mind, I just have been buying brand new stuff that is much better. :P

I'm already remarried in less than a year. I never wanted to stay single and felt much wiser in my spouse choosing abilities now. I was very interested in settling down as soon as possible and have done so. The hard thing though is not seeing my kid as much as I like. Every other weekend and Wednesday nights. But I'm starting to enjoy weekends with my new wife very much. We call them our "lay in bed naked, eat quesadilla's, and watch Battlestar Galactica" weekends. Can't do that with the kid around, hehehe.

When I decided to get a divorce, I consulted with an amazing lawyer and she pretty much predicted spot on how it would turn out. There is a child support calculator online you can find out exactly what your child support will be. It's a rigid formula and not open to interpretation. Alimony is though. The hard part is dealing with the bitch after the divorce though. She refuses to move on with her life and tries to get "revenge" any little way she can. Pitiful really, but still annoying.

I think really, if you marry or not, you're still on the line for child support. Lawyers are super expensive but you would probably get one regardless in a custody battle. I just don't see how not being married and having a kid absolves you from all responsibility. I highly advocate living with the person for a good period of time before you get married. then promise each other that nothing will change once a ring goes on that finger, and hold them to their promise.

Whether you're single or not doesn't exclude a lot of these arguments. But clearly if you feel "stuck" like I did, it's the worst situation in the world. Nothing worse than being tied down to a partner you can't leave. Sucks!! I knew the second I married my ex and she moved in I had made a HUGE error in judgment and now I gotta live with that decision for a longgggg time. My kid is 4 so I got 14 years of child support ahead and dealing with that bitch at dropoff/pickup... :angryfire:

[Deuce]

Loved being married so much, have done it twice.....:roflol:

My ex-wife is great. We got married young, had a child and really lived different lives. I was pretty juvenile and self absorbed. I didn't know what it meant to be a husband/father. We divorced, but remain great friends and we hang out regularly with our current spouses. We live just down the street from each other, which was planned due to having a great kid together. There was no bitter divorce and/or bickering over money.

I love my wife and am happy/lucky we found each other. I learned a lot from mistakes I made in my first marriage and hope that I use some of what I learned to be a better husband. Would not change a thing, not the first marriage that ended, nor getting into the second.

[DiscGo]

There are certainly days (like today :) ) that being single would be easier, but over all marriage is great. One of the reasons I married my wife was because I knew that I wanted to be the kind of guy who would be married to someone like her. I could have married someone else that would have made life easier, but not happier.

[greyhair biker]

Hmm...how to respond to this one. I've been married to the same woman for 27 years and a few of them pretty rocky times but the last few years have improved dramatically. We decided to make things work after the last bad stretch and incredible as it seems we have learned to love each other for who we are. I can't explain it any better than that but I am actually looking forward to the empty nester years, which are less than a few years away. I would never want to try to counsel others in their marriages after the crap we put each other through but for those that want a marriage I'm just 'glad to be along for the ride'!

[jfeiro]

deleted

[tanya]

Lovin' the stories! Keep them comin'

[BruteForce]

I've been married 20 years (this month), and with my wife for 24 years in total. The first ten years were pretty rocky.. most of the issues attributed to me, my temper and my overly aggressive jealousy. On a camping trip about 7 years ago, my wife threatened to leave me; right there, on the spot, and in the middle of the woods. We crawled into the back of her 4Runner and worked through the issues. Right then and there, I came to the realization that if I changed a little bit, things would work out. Since that time, we haven't had a serious fight/argument.

I've come to the conclusion that anything worth keeping requires effort. Most marriages fail because no effort is exerted to maintain the romance, the love and the desire that was there in the beginning. Additionally, I'm fairly certain that this
"laziness" is also influenced by the media and its portrayal of one night affairs, multiple lovers, etc.

I have no intention of ever getting divorced, hence no need to ever think about re-marrying.

[Hnak]

I not only would do it again (get married...), but I am going to do it again, next April.... :clap::mrgreen:

[Alex]

Tanya you know my story. I've been with my best friend for almost 20 years. Been married for 8. One rule we go by is to never go to bed mad at each other and have to work it out even if it takes us all night (we have done that). Laying in bed mad at each other, not wanting to make the first move to say "sorry". It's hard every time, but I believe that is what makes a relationship to survive. Ability to communicate the downfalls and work through them.

I love being married, I love the care my wife provides for me and how she spoils me. I try to work hard for the family and provide an environment at home for her to stay home and be a house wife, which she is very proud of. It works well for us, it might not work for others. I think the trick to the happy relationship is knowing what YOU want from the relationship and not settling down unless you find it. Then finding out the negative traits in the other person and seeing if you can live with those for the rest of your life.

Alex

[Rev. Coyote]

Been married 25 years to my best friend, Dr. Coyote. We are partners in crime and have shared a lot of great adventures together. I got lucky. We've had some definite rough spots, but grew threw them. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Now -- if marriage were completely legal, that would be great!

[uintahiker]

I'm one of the lucky ones. I have the best wife ever! I definitely married up, but she's super easy to be around and likes to hike,camp, backpack, etc. We enjoy most of the same things, but I prefer that to liking all of the same things. I think you need good tension in a relationship. If someone is passive and goes along with everything the other one wants, I don't think it's a good thing. Certainly for me anyway.

I've noticed that satisfaction levels are about like this, listed highest to lowest. Happily married, happily single, unhappily single, unhappily married.

One thing that can be a curveball with a lot of newly married-especially here in Utah- is birth control pills. Not gonna go into detail, but the woman I married was not the woman I thought I was marrying. :angryfire: Then we got things sorted out and life was a LOT better. :clap:I'm sure others have had a similar experience...

[Sombeech]

Been married 25 years to my best friend, Dr. Coyote. We are partners in crime and have shared a lot of great adventures together. I got lucky. We've had some definite rough spots, but grew threw them. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Now -- if marriage were completely legal, that would be great!
Rev where the HELL you been? Good to see you.

[tanya]

I have to say I am shocked. I have heard nothing but bad things about marriage for years from people and almost everyone here that's voted loves it and would do it again.


Congrats Hank!!!!! :clap: Another single handsome man .... lost. :cry1:

[cachehiker]

I would do it again.

What about those of us who have never been married?

All things considered, I'd give it a shot.

I spent a lot of my life unwilling to let my guard down. It didn't help that my parents disapproved of every girlfriend I had until I was 40 and that I spent my late 20's and early 30's totally pissed at the world and out to prove everybody wrong. It wasn't immediately, first impression obvious, but once somebody got to know me well, it was clear I was holding on to some very deep seated resentments. It's not surprising that I never married. I've been engaged twice and lived with four different women for a few to several months each. Things have always gotten difficult for me when it came time to transition from serious relationship to a committed relationship and the women in my life have always run out of patience before I could get over my (maybe not so) little hurdle.

Now that I've mellowed, I'd give it a shot if I felt good about things six months or a year along. Too bad I don't meet very many singles my age who are still pretty active.

[tanya]

In Utah I have met few men that have not been married, but in Vegas there were so many! The men from Utah and Vegas are like they are from 2 different planets. Have you lived with any women? If you have not been "trained" :lol8: by one by this time you may not be able to tolerate one. :mrgreen:

[ibenick]

Now that I've mellowed, I'd give it a shot if I felt good about things six months or a year along. Too bad I don't meet very many singles my age who are still pretty active.

Dude! As a fellow native Cache Valley-ite I have some advice. First step: get the hell out of Cache Valley. Second step: stay the hell out of Cache Valley. Don't get me wrong, I love Logan, it's a nice place but it's AWFUL if you're single and not super-mo fresh off a mission.

[beachbum222]

[FONT=Verdana]All i can say is i can

[Hnak]

Congrats Hank!!!!! :clap: Another single handsome man .... lost. :cry1:

Thank you! Well, you must admit that I tried, but I couldn't convince you to move to Preskitt...:wink::mrgreen:

[tanya]

Yeah, I am a Utah girl! I tried LV last year and really did not like it at all. I am back in Utah where I belong.


You will be MISSED! :slobber::slobber::slobber: ~smooch~

[cachehiker]

If you have not been "trained" by one by this time you may not be able to tolerate one.


engaged twice and lived with four different women for a few to several months each.

Believe me, between C****, E****, D*****, and S*****, I've been trained. Single men are generally considered good for just three things: yard care, vehicle repair, and :giveit:-ing.

I, on the other hand, can COOK and I cook from scratch most every evening.

Care for some Linguine with Walnuts and Goat Cheese tonight?

[tanya]

But! Can you enjoy a women in your home every day, every night MOVING your stuff around and making it her home too? The always single men I have dated really really have issues with change.... Keep in mind guys, this is the 45 and over guys I am talking about. The younger you are the more flexible, you will get WORSE as you age! Then there are their grown kids... or even not grown. Some 45 year olds have babies and are divorced. Its a different world out there when you get married later... I think! If you are easy going -- then you will be an awesome husband. Today's men have been trained to clean house, care for kids and be involved, so no longer does the lady get the run of the house, and when you switch houses and habits, it's not always good. To sum it up... old folks are set in their ways. Some luckily actually enjoy change and have learned to cherish a relationship and a woman. That's the kind I am looking for!

[Alex]

But! Can you enjoy a women in your home every day, every night MOVING your stuff around and making it her home too? The always single men I have dated really really have issues with change.... Keep in mind guys, this is the 45 and over guys I am talking about. The younger you are the more flexible, you will get WORSE as you age! Then there are their grown kids... or even not grown. Some 45 year olds have babies and are divorced. Its a different world out there when you get married later... I think! If you are easy going -- then you will be an awesome husband. Today's men have been trained to clean house, care for kids and be involved, so no longer does the lady get the run of the house, and when you switch houses and habits, it's not always good. To sum it up... old folks are set in their ways. Some luckily actually enjoy change and have learned to cherish a relationship and a woman. That's the kind I am looking for!

So STFU and get back in the kitchen, the house better be clean when I get home!


:cool2:

[cachehiker]

I know. I know. My stuff has to go. It's all pretty grotesque as far as decorating goes.

I really only expect control of those parts of the house that I am held responsible for.
If you expect me to do most of the cooking, leave the kitchen arranged the way I like it.
If you expect me to fix the cars, leave the tools and toolboxes where I can find them.
If you expect me to work out the TV's, Blu-rays, computers, and ..., you get the picture.
Beyond that, the house is yours if you stay away from gaudy floral prints.

You women have us at a disadvantage. You're better organizers and better planners. It is, in general, up to us to fit into your agenda. Some guys are very good at talking and acting like that's what they really want right up until they have to put up or shut up. Many relationships and marriages fail because this agenda changes as life progresses and the significant other becomes unwilling to "get with the program".

[tanya]

So STFU and get back in the kitchen, the house better be clean when I get home!


:cool2:


I love cleaning and organizing, making breakfast and lunch for my man and at night cooking with him... wine.. .dancing..... oh yeah! That's life as I want it!


But that is not what all people want. I just need to find one that wants that same thing!

[tanya]

I know. I know. My stuff has to go. It's all pretty grotesque as far as decorating goes.

I really only expect control of those parts of the house that I am held responsible for.
If you expect me to do most of the cooking, leave the kitchen arranged the way I like it.
If you expect me to fix the cars, leave the tools and toolboxes where I can find them.
If you expect me to work out the TV's, Blu-rays, computers, and ..., you get the picture.
Beyond that, the house is yours if you stay away from gaudy floral prints.

You women have us at a disadvantage. You're better organizers and better planners. It is, in general, up to us to fit into your agenda. Some guys are very good at talking and acting like that's what they really want right up until they have to put up or shut up. Many relationships and marriages fail because this agenda changes as life progresses and the significant other becomes unwilling to "get with the program".

Sounds like you are ready! :clap:

[canyonphile]

Interesting stories! It's always heartening to hear of folks who are in happy, long-standing marriages :nod:.

Myself? I was married briefly (1 1/2 years) 20 years ago. It was a true "starter marriage": no children, no community property, no regrets. It was wrong right out of the blocks, but I was young and didn't have tons of dating experience, and didn't see the red flags waving all over the place. We were in couples counseling within a few months of being married, gratis of my medical school. The counseling did nothing to save our marriage, but did show me why we shouldn't be married. Just like that career, I didn't enter into that marriage thinking it wouldn't last, but didn't realize how unhappy I was in it until it was too late.

Even though I wouldn't even consider dating him if I met him today, I don't regret the experience. I learned a lot from it, and it was beneficial for all future relationships I was in, as I didn't make the same mistakes. I learned you can't change anyone, so either accept him for who he is - faults and all - or don't stay involved with him [or her].

He went on to remarry a few years later, but not before he engaged in creepy stalking behavior when we still lived in SF and I had started dating someone else :roll:. Now, he's "someone else's problem" and I moved far away :mrgreen: and never have reason to interact with him :clap:, although he does keep in touch with my sister for whatever reason. Plus, I couldn't stand most of his family, and that's always a bummer.

That being said, I don't have any personal aversion to marriage, but I don't see it happening for me again. My huge student loans are a burden that is mine to bear, alone, and marriage would do nothing but drag someone else into my financial mess. My current partner of 5+ years and I are committed to each other - neither of us feel that marriage is necessary to prove that. Marriage is probably good for those who want kids (not me or him), or who grew up with strong religious principles where cohabitation would risk alienating one from the family (again, doesn't apply to either of us :lol8:). I think his parents are disappointed that he didn't produce any grandchildren, but I think they now understand that's never going to happen [he is 51 and I am 44], and quit asking.

I just feel lucky and blessed to have found someone that shares the same love of the outdoors, and being in this part of the country, that I do, who is smart, funny and who digs me as much as I dig him.

[tanya]

Sounds like you have it together Sonya!

:friday:

[canyonphile]

I love cleaning and organizing, making breakfast and lunch for my man and at night cooking with him... wine.. .dancing..... oh yeah! That's life as I want it!


But that is not what all people want. I just need to find one that wants that same thing!

:2thumbs:

I really enjoy having someone to take care of and dote on as well, and not in a helpless child sort of way, but a "I really dig you" sort of way. And I like a man who genuinely appreciates it and reciprocates. That's what a great partnership is all about. And you're right, Tanya: that is often hard to find, and even more difficult if you live in a small town.

No offense to those over the age of 40 who have never been married, but to me, that is a major red flag. Back when I was single and dating, without exception, every man who was in his 40's and had never been married...there was always a reason why, and never good. My partner was never married, and this did concern me. Upon questioning, I found out that there was a woman he was with for 4 years or so, that he would have married, except she wanted kids and he did not...that was a legitimate reason for me. Cachehiker threw his on the table earlier; most men aren't capable of such introspection, and tend to say that all the women they were with were "crazy bitches and whores" :roll:, and never once consider that perhaps it was *they* who were the problem. With someone who was divorced, at it showed that: 1) at least someone found them desirable enough to marry; 2) they didn't have any commitment phobia. I obviously can't speak from personal experience, but I'd imagine this same thing applies to most women over the age of 40 who have never been married.

A girlfriend at another friend's wedding I was in once referred to this as the "dented can" phenomenon: You are shopping at the grocery, and looking for a can of something. The section on the shelf is empty, except for a single can way in back - yay! You grab it, only to notice it has a huge dent in it...so back on the shelf it goes, waiting for the next person to do the same.

There are lots of dented cans out there. Most of us have some dings or scratches, but our contents were otherwise deemed to be acceptable enough to at least one person. I've met and dated a few dented cans, and back on the shelf they went as well.

I personally think my can was mis-labled rather than dented :haha:.

[canyonphile]

Sounds like you have it together Sonya!

:friday:

Sometimes. Mostly. :cheers: :smile: :2thumbs:

Did take me a few years to figure some of it out, though.

[tanya]

Oh you are good and so totally right on!!!!

I too have dated some of those dented cans...except we can never say never.

If I would have not been hit by a diesil and stayed in Judo, training at the OTC for a few more years I would have been one of those over 40 types..... so I think there are good men out there that have not been married over 40 who have been busy at work or sports or something, but also many who are really dented.

I adore my 300 lb body builder friend Joey... but that man should and has never married! He is way dented! I accept that and we are friends, but I would never marry him or live with him! In fact I avoid him most of the time now due to his temper.

The man who's wife has left him and he loved being married, yet has gotten over the past is a good one as long as he is mellow too and not so stuck in his ways that he cannot accept anyway but what he has done in the past.

This was all so easy when young! You just marry the first person that gets your hormones going, after you have decided you want to settle down and have kids. I don't think we were meant to live so long as we do now. :haha:

[canyonphile]

If I would have not been hit by a diesil and stayed in Judo, training at the OTC for a few more years I would have been one of those over 40 types..... so I think there are good men out there that have not been married over 40 who have been busy at work or sports or something, but also many who are really dented.
Same could have been said for me, had I not met Mr. Wrong when I did. I sowed lots of oats after I got divorced and was still in SF, but of those, only 1 was really worthy of long-term consideration. But, I moved to AZ, and there was no chance of our relationship going anywhere, so that was it. He was 8 1/2 years younger than me, but very mature and responsible for his age. Nonetheless, I prefer older men :wink:.

I also should have clarified that my over 40 "red flag" applies to guys that were actively *wanting* to either be married or find a LTR - those on dating sites, for example. So, a guy who is busy spending his peak years being active in sports (or a career) and for whom marriage isn't a priority or a strong interest, doesn't count.

When I moved from SF to Flagstaff, and later Prescott, I pretty much resigned myself to the fact I'd likely not meet the man of my dreams and would probably be single. I did meet a remarkable man, who didn't work out as a romantic partner, but whom I loved and adored and was my "BFF" , and the best backpacking and hiking partner I ever had. Unfortunately, I lost him 5 1/2 years ago...and life has never been quite the same.

In Prescott, before I met Wayne, I must have had my freak beacon on, because it seems that was the only kind of guy I met, and usually when I was minding my own business. Losers, creepy stalker types, religious zealots, married dudes, and guys with more personal baggage than I've ever seen. That is an awful town to be a single woman in, that's for sure :roll:.

Made for some funny stories to share over drinks, though :lol8:!



The man who's wife has left him and he loved being married, yet has gotten over the past is a good one as long as he is mellow too and not so stuck in his ways that he cannot accept anyway but what he has done in the past.
Yes, agreed! I've known really great guys (like a few of my former classmates) who married crazy women who then proceeded to try and destroy their lives after the divorce, something I just don't understand. The fact that these men aren't forever soured on women and marriage is amazing and those were the sorts I was interested in back when I was single: enthusiastic, emotionally well-adjusted, not desperate, and not looking for a woman to "complete" them.

[accadacca]

Related study released yesterday...talk amongst yourselves. :coffee:


Among the factors that contribute to marriage success: making $50,000 or more annually--as opposed to under $25,000. Those who do experience a 30 percent drop in the risk of divorce. People with college degrees enjoy another 25 percent decrease. Coming from an intact home decreases the risk by 14 percent. Other factors that affect marital success for the better: waiting to have kids until after tying the knot, and having a religious affiliation of some kind.huffingtonpost.com - Want to stay married? Better make sure you have a college degree, earn over $50,000 a year, and don't have divorced parents.

Indeed, even though the national divorce rate is close to 50 percent, the numbers are much lower for the sector of the U.S. population who meets these and other qualifications. According to the recent "State of Our Unions" report, a joint study on the health of marriage in America by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia (http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/) and New York's Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values (http://center.americanvalues.org/?cat=14) that was released yesterday, the chance of divorce varies based on specific personal and social circumstances. Because many of these circumstances are a reality for only the most privileged segment of the population, the study further propels claims that the 'marriage gap' is growing.

Among the factors that contribute to marriage success: making $50,000 or more annually--as opposed to under $25,000. Those who do experience a 30 percent drop in the risk of divorce. People with college degrees enjoy another 25 percent decrease. Coming from an intact home decreases the risk by 14 percent. Other factors that affect marital success for the better: waiting to have kids until after tying the knot, and having a religious affiliation of some kind.

W. Brad Wilcox, the editor of the study and director of the National Marriage Project, says the findings don't necessarily furnish the recipe for a good marriage, though they can act as preventative measures. Part of the reason this is so is that those who are likely to succeed in marriage are also more likely to get married in the first place. "People who have the economic opportunities, decent jobs, social skills, to succeed in married life are more likely to get married," Wilcox said. "We're telling people what the average pattern is."

Stacy J. Rogers, a professor of sociology at Penn State, and a co-author on the book Alone Together: How Marriage in America is Changing, (http://www.amazon.com/Alone-Together-Marriage-America-Changing/dp/0674022815) has a slightly different take on the findings. "If you're more educated, if you're in your first marriage, and have no children from previous relationships, if you have a good economic situation--you don't have as many external stressors," she said.

But she has a different solution for keeping marriages healthy, and suggests that perhaps successful marriages aren't the product of a group of pre-set factors, but in fact of the couples' individual attitudes about the institution itself. "We put a lot of emphasis on the marriage to make us happy, and fulfill our lives. We're victims of unrealistic expectations."


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/07/the-state-of-our-unions-n_1_n_792914.html