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View Full Version : Where will you retire?



CrazyFinn
03-21-2009, 07:54 PM
You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house..
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


You can Live in New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn... that is, if you even have a car.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


You can Live in Maine where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

You can live in Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can live in the Midwest where....

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

Or you can live in Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

abirken
03-23-2009, 06:01 AM
I think I'll stay in Colorado. :2thumbs: :lol8: :lol8: :lol8: :lol8: :lol8: These were hilarious!!! :lol8:

BruteForce
03-23-2009, 06:36 AM
We're bypassing all of them and are planning on living out of a large Class-A motorhome when we retire - traveling the country.

savanna3313
03-23-2009, 06:55 AM
Who's going to be able to afford to retire now ???!!! :haha:

I would love to be a snowbird and live 6 mos here in Utah and the other 6 mos in my home town of New Orleans with occasional visits to some tropical resort or a Greek island. That would be the life! :2thumbs: I think Sparky has the right idea.........a Florida condo and a big RV to jump in and travel to wherever he and the mrs want to go. :five:

blueeyes
03-23-2009, 06:56 AM
I am retiring to San Miguel de Allende Mexico

KapitanSparrow
03-23-2009, 07:00 AM
Yeah, Mexico or somewhere on the islands would be my choice. Hmmm, maybe I should just move there right now and become a drunkard hippy?

cachehiker
03-23-2009, 12:37 PM
I can still afford a 10'x12' plywood cabin around Lincoln, Montana. :haha:

http://www.fbi.gov/headlines/unabombcabin042408.jpg

Actually, I'd prefer Colorado. I'm still here because of employment and because the town still hasn't gotten too big.

Beyond that, travel. Motorhomes aren't my style, just a humble home base and lots of disposeable income to explore my little corner of the world. Maybe Machu Picchu and Italy and a few places abroad but there is still way too much of the West that I haven't seen yet.

greyhair biker
03-24-2009, 08:57 PM
I'm going to retire here:

JP
03-24-2009, 09:34 PM
I'm going to retire here:
And after the first hurricane, you'll be retiring from life :haha:

RedMan
03-24-2009, 09:49 PM
Passport in hand I'll eventually be found dead sitting in an airport in some third world country.

KapitanSparrow
03-25-2009, 06:57 AM
Passport in hand I'll eventually be found dead sitting in an airport in some third world country.

Yeah, I've been to the airport in Detroit - never again!

snccoulter
03-25-2009, 07:02 AM
Tucson if i am lucky

RedMan
03-25-2009, 09:15 AM
Passport in hand I'll eventually be found dead sitting in an airport in some third world country.

Yeah, I've been to the airport in Detroit - never again!

Okay I HAVE to tell my Detroit airport story now.
We arrive at the Hertz counter to get the car and I look over at the guy next to me, he is wearing a suit but looks like he just had a very serious accident.
He's literally trying to stop his mouth from bleeding with his shirt sleeve.

The guy at the counter looks up and with an OMG look asks what happened.

Guy says "Well I just got in my car and as I'm laving the airport I was rear ended by another car. I pull over and get out to talk to the other driver at which point three guys beat the hell out of me and took the car!"

Without missing a beat the counter guy starts berating him for stopping! "Never stop is someone hits you in Detroit, drive till you find a cop or a police station". (for you kids this story pre-dates cell phones)

Then he looks at all of us standing there and goes on a diatribe about all the things you don't do in Detroit. One of which is "Always drive in the center lane so you can see the break in the line if someone has removed a manhole cover!!!!!" What the hell? Apparently the locals had taken to stopping cars by setting manhole traps for them.

Other tibits were "Don't go past the Berlin wall" a section of no mans land where cops from two districts simply won't go to help you.

Somehwere I have a great photo of a burned out hulk of a car sitting to the side of service station. On the wall behind it is one of those huge yellow smiley faces the says "Say nice things about Detroit" under it.

PS: Michael Blumenthal (Secretary of the Treasury under Carter) has the WORST body odor of any human on earth. But thats another Detroit story.