KapitanSparrow
10-20-2008, 07:49 PM
I found this little critique of American football, mind you, by an American, mind you, probably gay, but I can't help to agree with some of the points, heh.
AMERICAN FOOTBALL SUCKS!
What is it with America's obsession with the LAME sport of football? There's nothing entertaining about a bunch of doughy, sweaty men in shoulder pads and pedal pushers lining up in front of each other time and again just to slam into each other and land in a pile while some scrawny guy tries to throw the ball to some other scrawny guy before the fat guys jump on him. It's ****ing ridiculous!
As I said previously, I've been working hard for the past 2 weeks. I wanted to go to my favorite Hollywood haunt, Big Wangs, a sports bar on Selma and Cahuenga that serves draft beer and the most awesome fries I've ever tasted. So my roommate Belasario dropped me off on the corner, and the place was packed. Turns out there's some sort of lame playoff game going on, and apparently the stakes is high. Which sucks for me. Usually the place is empty at 5pm on a Saturday, but today it was standing room only. And it was filled with your typical obnoxious football crowd: frat boys and their skanky hoes. And a bunch of them were actually wearing these freaky ass cheese hats! What the **** is that all about? Is that supposed to be cute? You're showing your allegiance to a ****ing sport by wearing a cheese hat? Give me a ****ing break you ****ing FREAKS. Tonight's playoff game was between the New England Patriots and the Jacksonville Jaguars. WHERE THE **** DOES CHEESE COME INTO THAT???? I ****ing HATE football fans. They're ****ing STUPID PIGS.
My first job was at Anaheim Stadium as a souvenir hawker. It was a pretty cool job. I'd walk up and down the aisles selling programs and other souvenirs to baseball fans who came to watch the Angels. Baseball fans tended to be mellow and were there to have a good time. But I remember when the L.A. Rams came to Anaheim and we started having to work football games. My cool job turned into a nightmare. ****ing football fans are freakin' ANIMALS: drunk, loud, scary, obnoxious animals who were out to scream and pump their fists and get fat and kick some ass. It was a totally different vibe at the Rams games, and it wasn't a good vibe, oh, unless you were a skanky whore, then you were the belle of the ball.
And what the **** is so special about football? What skills are required? The only team members who are required to exhibit any kind of skill in football are the quarterback and the guy the quarterback throws the football to. Oh, and the cheerleaders. All the rest of the guys just need to be built like refrigerators and be able to bend over until they bump into the douchebags (also built like refrigerators)that are lined up in front of them. Lame!
I admit, the guys on Friday Night Lights are young hotties. But how many football players really look like that? And who cares anyway? They're all dressed up in those awful uniforms, padded and helmeted, with those lame ass pedal pusher pants they all wear. It's not like rugby, which is a real man's sport, where the guys just wear shorts and a t-shirt and beat the crap out of each other and deal with the consequences of playing a real contact sport.
So anyway, to wrap this up, I tried to go have my peaceful, pre-Saturday night rush pitcher of draft Newcastle and it turns out a bunch of ****ing former frat boys and their skanky bitches and all the other psychos into football were there, standing room only, cheering every time one of those lame-assed 250 pound players picked his damn nose. It sucked! And so does American FOOTBALL! >:P
AMERICAN FOOTBALL SUCKS!
What is it with America's obsession with the LAME sport of football? There's nothing entertaining about a bunch of doughy, sweaty men in shoulder pads and pedal pushers lining up in front of each other time and again just to slam into each other and land in a pile while some scrawny guy tries to throw the ball to some other scrawny guy before the fat guys jump on him. It's ****ing ridiculous!
As I said previously, I've been working hard for the past 2 weeks. I wanted to go to my favorite Hollywood haunt, Big Wangs, a sports bar on Selma and Cahuenga that serves draft beer and the most awesome fries I've ever tasted. So my roommate Belasario dropped me off on the corner, and the place was packed. Turns out there's some sort of lame playoff game going on, and apparently the stakes is high. Which sucks for me. Usually the place is empty at 5pm on a Saturday, but today it was standing room only. And it was filled with your typical obnoxious football crowd: frat boys and their skanky hoes. And a bunch of them were actually wearing these freaky ass cheese hats! What the **** is that all about? Is that supposed to be cute? You're showing your allegiance to a ****ing sport by wearing a cheese hat? Give me a ****ing break you ****ing FREAKS. Tonight's playoff game was between the New England Patriots and the Jacksonville Jaguars. WHERE THE **** DOES CHEESE COME INTO THAT???? I ****ing HATE football fans. They're ****ing STUPID PIGS.
My first job was at Anaheim Stadium as a souvenir hawker. It was a pretty cool job. I'd walk up and down the aisles selling programs and other souvenirs to baseball fans who came to watch the Angels. Baseball fans tended to be mellow and were there to have a good time. But I remember when the L.A. Rams came to Anaheim and we started having to work football games. My cool job turned into a nightmare. ****ing football fans are freakin' ANIMALS: drunk, loud, scary, obnoxious animals who were out to scream and pump their fists and get fat and kick some ass. It was a totally different vibe at the Rams games, and it wasn't a good vibe, oh, unless you were a skanky whore, then you were the belle of the ball.
And what the **** is so special about football? What skills are required? The only team members who are required to exhibit any kind of skill in football are the quarterback and the guy the quarterback throws the football to. Oh, and the cheerleaders. All the rest of the guys just need to be built like refrigerators and be able to bend over until they bump into the douchebags (also built like refrigerators)that are lined up in front of them. Lame!
I admit, the guys on Friday Night Lights are young hotties. But how many football players really look like that? And who cares anyway? They're all dressed up in those awful uniforms, padded and helmeted, with those lame ass pedal pusher pants they all wear. It's not like rugby, which is a real man's sport, where the guys just wear shorts and a t-shirt and beat the crap out of each other and deal with the consequences of playing a real contact sport.
So anyway, to wrap this up, I tried to go have my peaceful, pre-Saturday night rush pitcher of draft Newcastle and it turns out a bunch of ****ing former frat boys and their skanky bitches and all the other psychos into football were there, standing room only, cheering every time one of those lame-assed 250 pound players picked his damn nose. It sucked! And so does American FOOTBALL! >:P