I Regret Everything "Nobel" Thing I Have Ever Done

[DiscGo]

I have been working for a small software company since March. I took the job with promise of server experience, but it has been much more software installation and most of the experience I have gained has been specific to this company's software as opposed to be exposed to more fields of computers. I have been thinking about changing jobs, the last couple of weeks but I have not made up my mind.


My boss gave me a 70$ gift card to Carvers on Wednesday as a thank you for all the good work I have been doing. I thought about it, and I decided it wouldn't be right to accept the card, when I may not be here much longer. So I returned the card (believing that to be the noble decision) and my boss practically panicked and said he was going to hire somebody else right away, etc.


I told him that I was hoping that I was not being forced out for telling him I was thinking about leaving, and he told me that if they hire someone else and I decide to stay then they will gladly just float that person until we need him to keep me but explained that I am so integral in their company that if I left they could lose a lot of business due to my customer relationships and amount of work I do.


My boss is awesome. I really like him a lot and it is a great company and my work day goes by quickly. So part of me is happy to stay but the other part of me realizes I could be doing more and gaining more experience. So before I said anything I had a nice dinner in my future and all the time to decide, now my boss asked to figure out what I will do after the long weekend.


This is not the first time that I did what I thought was right, and previously it has cost me jobs or it deeply impacting my job in a negative way. Anyway, this is probably more of a rant, but I did not sleep at all last night thinking about this and I felt entitled to sharing it here.

[Alex]

Doing the right thing is always good in my opinion, even though it might hurt you in the future. Carrying a burden on your chest for ever is not something I like to do personally.


FYI, we will be hiring this summer :2thumbs:

[abirken]

You have to remember that not everyone does the 'right thing' and all your boss probably heard was that you were leaving. Not that you were possibly leaving and needed time to think about it, ect..... As your boss, he just saw an empty spot that needed to be filled in order to make a business run more efficiently. I agree that you did the right thing, I would have done the same. Don't worry that you didn't b/c you did. By letting him know you may be moving on possibly opened up a better opportunity around the corner. It's weird how things work. I'll be interested to hear what happens!! :2thumbs:

[DiscGo]

Doing the right thing is always good in my opinion, even though it might hurt you in the future. Carrying a burden on your chest for ever is not something I like to do personally.


FYI, we will be hiring this summer :2thumbs:

I know that next time I have the opportunity to burn myself by doing the right thing I will. I actually completely agree with you that it is more important to do the right thing. It is just rough right now that speaking up has led to me having to decide much sooner what I am going to do.


I may be looking this summer, so if you guys are please let me know.

[rockgremlin]

Doing the right thing is best, but just be a little more reserved with your intentions. You coulda just saved the gift card till you put in your two weeks notice, and then given it back.

In the end, who cares? Don't worry if your current co-workers might feel put out with your leaving - they'll get over it. What really matters is that you are satisfied with your career. Life is hell when you have to report to a job you are dissatisfied with day in and day out.

[Sombeech]

Yeah, I've thought about telling a former employer that I wasn't a long term employee, but I didn't want them to throw me out right then.

You think, maybe you'll be nice so they'll have 6 months to replace you, but then if they find somebody next week - you're out.

Two weeks notice is a good generous standard to let them find a replacement, with the understanding that they'll let you finish those out with pay as well.

I've known employers to fire somebody once they had given a 2 weeks notice - with one week left. :roll: That's just stupid.

[KapitanSparrow]

I think doing the right thing is good, although when dealing with employers it depends on the relationship. I will continue to do the right thing despite that it not always pays. I remember last January I was pulling out of my apt complex at 6 a.m. and a guy stopped me and asked if I can help him jump start his car. Of course, I said, and popped my hood open causing the frozen window fluid tubes to break off, heh. I said "darn it" only less politely he felt bad for my tubes but what can you do. We jumpstarted his car so he could go to work. Thankfully I ruined my hood last weekend and had to have the whole thing replaced, heh. But here it is - being good doesn't always pay but it feels great ;-)

[BruteForce]

As a CTO, I can tell you that you should never reveal your intent to leave until you have something else already lined up (then if you do leave, ensure you provide enough notice to get a replacement trained, etc)

Noble or not, your employer will always look to their own preservation and ability to recover.

In my opinion, although you may feel you did the right thing by turning down the gift card, you should have taken it, enjoyed a reduced cost dinner (Carvers is expensive) and consider the gift card a thank you for previous performance, not future efforts.

What I would have done differently is express interest in advanced training and have your boss allocate $ to provide you with server specific training. Do have that candid discussion about your future.

[abirken]

As a CTO, I can tell you that you should never reveal your intent to leave until you have something else already lined up (then if you do leave, ensure you provide enough notice to get a replacement trained, etc)

Noble or not, your employer will always look to their own preservation and ability to recover.

In my opinion, although you may feel you did the right thing by turning down the gift card, you should have taken it, enjoyed a reduced cost dinner (Carvers is expensive) and consider the gift card a thank you for previous performance, not future efforts.

What I would have done differently is express interest in advanced training and have your boss allocate $ to provide you with server specific training. Do have that candid discussion about your future.


I do have to agree with you here. So far the best response to the situation IMO. I guess we can all learn a little bit from Discos current experience.............. :nod:

[FROGGER]

As a CTO, I can tell you that you should never reveal your intent to leave until you have something else already lined up (then if you do leave, ensure you provide enough notice to get a replacement trained, etc)

Noble or not, your employer will always look to their own preservation and ability to recover.

In my opinion, although you may feel you did the right thing by turning down the gift card, you should have taken it, enjoyed a reduced cost dinner (Carvers is expensive) and consider the gift card a thank you for previous performance, not future efforts.

What I would have done differently is express interest in advanced training and have your boss allocate $ to provide you with server specific training. Do have that candid discussion about your future.


+1

you nailed it,

[greyhair biker]

I have to agree. I consider myself an honest person, full of integrity and all that. Unfortunately, I am not as 'trusting' as I used to be at my workplace. I literally have been screwed out of several positions simply because my 'honesty' was vocalized...and when it was it was with the wrong person(s) within earshot. One in particular was when I went to visit my best friend and his family down in Carlsbad NM. a couple years ago...who happens to be senior control officer at a potash mine there and has offered me a job everytime I talk to him, to relocate there. I just happened to tell a guy here at work that the head ceo, whom I knew...a fellow MTBr...told me to tell him HI....just hi. It was immediately worded around that I was leaving to go to Carlsbad. After I explained that we were friends & I wasnt going anywhere soon........but had been offered to go.....there's the mistake. Anyway, I was not showing 'total loyalty' anymore :roll:
.....long story - be honest but be prepared to stand up for what you believe

[Cirrus2000]

Very true, BruteForce. I feel slightly more inclined to agree with rockgremlin, though. If you had qualms about using the card, then don't, and return it when you leave. If you decide to stay, then go ahead and use it. Even if you stayed only 2,4, or 6 more months - on top of the time you've put in, you've earned the reward.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to play your cards close to your chest. It's not dishonesty, it's privacy. Reasonable notice is all anyone can ask.

Be that as it may, good luck in the job decision / job hunt, DiscGo!

[DiscGo]

As a CTO, I can tell you that you should never reveal your intent to leave until you have something else already lined up (then if you do leave, ensure you provide enough notice to get a replacement trained, etc)

Noble or not, your employer will always look to their own preservation and ability to recover.

In my opinion, although you may feel you did the right thing by turning down the gift card, you should have taken it, enjoyed a reduced cost dinner (Carvers is expensive) and consider the gift card a thank you for previous performance, not future efforts.

What I would have done differently is express interest in advanced training and have your boss allocate $ to provide you with server specific training. Do have that candid discussion about your future.

Very good points. I was thinking all day yesterday about wether or not I should say something. In the end, I just wanted to do it so that I would so that I would sleep better knowing I had done the right thing. I didn't sleep at all last night :).

The lesson I have learned is to consider the purpose. I did not want to burn any bridges, so I did not voice any of the real things that make me want to leave here, and I think that may have left the owner with the wrong impression of why I was thinking about leaving. I had no purpose for that conversation, so it had no direction.


I have to agree. I consider myself an honest person, full of integrity and all that. Unfortunately, I am not as 'trusting' as I used to be at my workplace. I literally have been screwed out of several positions simply because my 'honesty' was vocalized...and when it was it was with the wrong person(s) within earshot. One in particular was when I went to visit my best friend and his family down in Carlsbad NM. a couple years ago...who happens to be senior control officer at a potash mine there and has offered me a job everytime I talk to him, to relocate there. I just happened to tell a guy here at work that the head ceo, whom I knew...a fellow MTBr...told me to tell him HI....just hi. It was immediately worded around that I was leaving to go to Carlsbad. After I explained that we were friends & I wasnt going anywhere soon........but had been offered to go.....there's the mistake. Anyway, I was not showing 'total loyalty' anymore :roll:
.....long story - be honest but be prepared to stand up for what you believe

That really is too bad. I once didn't get a job here in UT, because I had a better job lined up in Wyoming and admitted it in the interview and then a week later lost the job in Wyoming :).


You were totally right about "being honest but having to be prepared to stand up for what you believe". I enjoyed that sentance.

[Iceaxe]

You can never go wrong with telling the truth. :2thumbs:

Sometimes it cause problems you wish that you could avoid, but you always deal from the high ground.

:cool2:

[greyhair biker]

I look back now and I'm better off without having been 'advanced'. The guys in the very positions I would have had are miserable and/or very labeled as 'suckups'...thats the pg version. Point is, being anything but honest will eventually come back to bite you in the a$$.

[trackrunner]

My boss gave me a 70$ gift card to Carvers on Wednesday as a thank you for all the good work I have been doing. I thought about it, and I decided it wouldn't be right to accept the card, when I may not be here much longer. So I returned the card (believing that to be the noble decision) and my boss practically panicked and said he was going to hire somebody else right away, etc.

I don't think keeping the card would have been bad because it was a reward for your past work going above and beyond what you were expected to do, like a tip, or a quarterly/yearly bonus, not a thanks for working here gift. That's IMHO

But at least you took the high road about it.

[sparker1]

I think BruteForce makes some great points. I think we should all do the right thing, but it is sometimes hard to know what the right thing is. For example, I'm not sure it was the right thing to mention anything to your boss until you had actually decided. The bonus was for past performance, had no bearing on future actions. You have to consider yourself and your family in deciding what is right. I would never recommend lying to your boss, but there's no need to volunteer something he isn't truly entitled to know.

Incidentally, I've had friends who were very good at stating what they were seeking and why they might consider leaving. As good employees, they always got what they wanted without leaving.

Hope it all works out for the best.

[Deathcricket]

Totally agree with bruteforce and sparkers advice. Now that "the cat is out of the bag" so to speak, you need to go all the way and tell him you need more money or more interesting work or whatever. You have to at least be completely honest and let him know he can fix the situation and keep you if "XXX and XXX happens".

But in the future, take the bonus for working your ass off and enjoy a night out. Don't say a peep until it meets your timeframe(s). You're an "at will" employee, they have to understand that, no matter how cool they are. But at least now go all the way and let them give you an offer to stay. It's now obvious to your boss you are unhappy and he will replace you, he just told you all the other crap to make sure you train your replacement.

[DiscGo]

I love this site. Most of my favorite people have commented in this thread and you guys have all had great advice. I am still sorting things out, but I am glad I did talk to him this time just for all the great happenings here. Thanks guys.

[Alex]

I love this site. Most of my favorite people have commented in this thread and you guys have all had great advice. I am still sorting things out, but I am glad I did talk to him this time just for all the great happenings here. Thanks guys.

That's all it matters dude, sometimes you end up losing in the end, but if you lose with your heart clean, I think it's winning. We always lose and win in this life, but not being honest with yourself will always bite you on your ass in the long run.

Hey Ice, he said "Most of my favorite people", you must not be the one :roflol:

[BruteForce]

My only last comment is this:

It's your career. Always be candid (and honest) about your ambitions, training requirements, but don't play your hand until you're ready to move on.

Now, redeem your Carver's gift card as a reward for past performance and solider on!

PM me regarding possible career ops.

[DiscGo]

Hey Ice, he said "Most of my favorite people", you must not be the one :roflol:


So Alex instead of interpretting this as some of my favorites have not posted, you interpreted this as everyone who posted is one of my favorites except for Ice? :roflol: :roflol: :roflol:

I wish I had thought to say that, it is so funny.

[DiscGo]

My only last comment is this:

It's your career. Always be candid (and honest) about your ambitions, training requirements, but don't play your hand until you're ready to move on.

Now, redeem your Carver's gift card as a reward for past performance and solider on!




I have liked you since you joined BruteForce, but I like you more after this post. Great advice!

[BruteForce]

My only last comment is this:

It's your career. Always be candid (and honest) about your ambitions, training requirements, but don't play your hand until you're ready to move on.

Now, redeem your Carver's gift card as a reward for past performance and solider on!




I have liked you since you joined BruteForce, but I like you more after this post. Great advice!

:rockon:


Thanks!

[Alex]

Sorry Disc, I have to use any opportunity I get to poke at Ice :2thumbs:

I will PM you about a job.

[DiscGo]

Thanks for all the help guys.


I am especially grateful for the PMs I received. You guys are the best!!!