Man Charged For Having Sex With A Patio Table

[accadacca]

Oh my hell. . .am I just a cruel asshole for laughing. :roflol:

http://www.blogsmithmedia.com/www.asylum.com/media/2008/03/28mar08_picnicman.jpg

Police in Ohio say that a married father of three has confessed to repeatedly having sex with his patio picnic table.

Art Price, Jr., 40, has been charged with four counts of public indecency after a neighbor videotaped him getting all nasty with the umbrella hole in the middle of his plastic picnic table. Apparently preferring the table's legs in the air, Price reportedly flipped the table over before forcing himself inside of it.

Price admitted that his skeevy antics took place both inside and outside of his home, and police say he did his table humping in broad daylight, not far from a school.

In addition to public outrage, we imagine there's considerable jealousy among Price's other lawn furniture. While barbecues and lawn chairs don't have many places for good loving (unless you're big enough for that drink holder), we're sure that plastic gnome hiding in the hedges is wondering why he wasn't chosen. The garden hose, however, is probably pretty relieved.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbY0j02cNqY

[LOAH]

Wow, I'm glad I never got caught. :ne_nau:

[Mtnman1830]

Apparently preferring the table's legs in the air, Price reportedly flipped the table over before forcing himself inside of it.

So, is he being charged with rape? :ne_nau: :ne_nau:

[Sombeech]

Just make sure the Grill is OFF.

[denaliguide]

a few things come to mind.

1) must be well endowed. the average umbrella pole is like 1 3/4 ". so, the hole in the table is probably close to 2" in diameter.

2) his neighbor is one sick puppy to run in and grab his camera.

3) wonder if the table ever said no.

i just have a hard time picturing in my mind how this worked with the table legs in the air. and i have a pretty good imagination.

another thing to remember.... it's only kinky the first time.

[Sombeech]

http://www.rayners.co.uk/CatPics/NewLines2006/patio-table.jpg

[Mtnman1830]

GOT WOOD?

[sparker1]

I've heard of guys doing a watermelon, or a knot hole in a wood fence, but a patio table???? He must have been "Board".

[RugerShooter]

GOT WOOD? :roflol:

[Teleken]

So if he is going to jail, is the table seeing anyone else yet?

[Brewhaha]

http://www.rayners.co.uk/CatPics/NewLines2006/patio-table.jpg

I'd hit it.

:hitit:

[Iceaxe]

What happens on the patio stays on the patio.

[DirkHammergate]

So many questions running through my head, seriously though could an umbrella hole really be that pleasurable?

[Mtnman1830]

So many questions running through my head, seriously though could an umbrella hole really be that pleasurable?

Only if the table was made out of greasewood

[Sombeech]

He took down the umbrella one day and looked at the table. He noticed the hole and said "Hey, I'll bet I could hump that".

At each family BBQ, they made sure to keep him inside, washing dishes after the party.

[trackrunner]

I wonder will he have to register as a sex offender for this. Who ever would have thought patio picnic tables would be jailbait. :roflol:

[Iceaxe]

I'm not really seeing the crime here. :ne_nau:

It's not like he was intentionally flashing or anything. Heck, I bet more then one of us has been caught by the neighbor having sex with the wife/girlfriend.

Table's are not really my thing..... but unless the picnic table says NO I don't get it....

But you know what would be funny as hell.... If the neighbor got a ticket for being a peeping Tom.

:lol8:

[Thomas]

You think you have seen it all and then something else pops up, or pops through, or pops on. Give the guy credit at least he is unique. :popcorn:

I need to replace the bottom bracket in my mountain bike mmmmmmm, I have an idea. :lol8:

[Sombeech]

I wonder will he have to register as a sex offender for this.

They never checked his record at his interview at Lifetime Products.

[R]

I am still looking at today's date on this one; a very elaborate April Fools joke?

[Mooseman70]

I dunno, Richard. I can't rule it out, but yes - stranger things have happened.

I used to register sex offenders at the agency I worked for prior to my moving to Utah. There were some pretty sick, evil and twisted individuals under my charge, but alas - no "table lovers" amongst the 260+ folks I had to keep tabs on.

We did, however, have a gal who was arrested for, um, "orally pleasing", her Great Dane...repeatedly, on her rear dek. It was witnessed by a neighbor who called the Police. The Officers who responded found her actively "pleasing" the dog. :puke8: She was hauled off to a waiting squad car, but was reluctant to let go of the dog's unit. It was dragged along for a short distance, yelping in pain. :eek7:

All I can say is that this guy needs some help. Hopefully he didn't do anything to his kids, or anybody else for that matter.

[sparker1]

I dunno, Richard. I can't rule it out, but yes - stranger things have happened.

I used to register sex offenders at the agency I worked for prior to my moving to Utah. There were some pretty sick, evil and twisted individuals under my charge, but alas - no "table lovers" amongst the 260+ folks I had to keep tabs on.

We did, however, have a gal who was arrested for, um, "orally pleasing", her Great Dane...repeatedly, on her rear dek. It was witnessed by a neighbor who called the Police. The Officers who responded found her actively "pleasing" the dog. :puke8: She was hauled off to a waiting squad car, but was reluctant to let go of the dog's unit. It was dragged along for a short distance, yelping in pain. :eek7:



Someone should have thrown water on them.

[packfish]

Holy shit-------------- I don't know the guy but I am from Bellevue, Ohio.

[JP]

I don't know what's worse, having sex with the table or being the guy filming it :lol8:

[accadacca]

I don't know what's worse, having sex with the table or being the guy filming it :lol8:
:roflol: :roflol: :roflol:

[Rented mule]

Knotty! Knotty! :frustrated:

[packfish]

I called home- it's a true story.