Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Tool

[Iceaxe]

Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Tool

1. Backwards Baseball Hat - Do you play catcher for a major league ball club? Minor league? Local softball team? No? Then don't do this.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-01.jpg

2. Oakley Blades - Your Tour de France riding days are over, pal.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-02.jpg

3. Bluetooth Headset - Trust me, you're not that important. You're now just one-degree removed from Lando Calrissian's bald android assistant.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-03.jpg

4. Gold Necklace - Rap moguls, NBA stars, and Mr. T excluded. Some white guy from the 'burbs, nuh uh.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-04.jpg

5. Tommy Bahama Shirt - When in Hawaii, this is OK. In the upper 49, toolbag.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-05.jpg

6. National Review Magazine - In close association with bad style, bad politics.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-06.jpg

7. Belt-Clipped Cell Phone - Scream "I am a middle manager!" a little louder. The guy across the street didn't hear you.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-07.jpg

8. "Cause" Wristband - Exceptions made if you or immediate family member is battling various wristband maladies. Otherwise, grab a scissors.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-08.jpg

9. Over-The-Knee, double-pleated shorts - Two things wrong here: (A) 4 pleats. (B) Over the knee.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-09.jpg

10. Crocs - The Zubaz of the '00s. Here's a good rule to live by: Never wear the same shoes as your 5-year-old nephew.
http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-10.jpg

[Deathcricket]

You forgot the "barbed wire" tatoo around the bicep.

[derstuka]

Number 3 and number 10 (ok, number 1 sometimes I hate) are the only ones I agree with 100%. I HATE crocs! I saw you wearing a hawaiian shirt in some pictures Ice. Nothing at all wrong with Oakley blades.

[gonzo]

Hey, I wear Blade-like sunglasses. If I'm a tool can I be a monkey wrench?

The worst though are guys that wear some sort of sports team hat, with a different team's t-shirt. Especially if said teams are in the same league. Hey buddy, it's either Yankees OR Red Sox. You can't choose both.

Oh yeah, and anyone wearing an American Eagle shirt. American Eagle screams "HEY, LOOK AT ME! I CAN'T AFFORD TO SHOP AMBERCROMBIE AND FITCH, BUT I STILL WANT TO LOOK LIKE A DOUCHE BAG!" Doubly so if it's a pink Polo shirt with a turned up collar.

[Iceaxe]

Oh heck.... when sex is involved I have to problems looking like a tool. :haha:

http://uutah.com/forum/files/l4.jpg

http://uutah.com/forum/files/l8.jpg

[Alex]

Hey that's me! I wish I was middle tier management :lol8:

http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-07.jpg

[R]

Hey that's me! I wish I was middle tier management :lol8:

http://www.magnificentbastard.com/images/features/toolbag-07.jpg

Mine is on the left. Am I cool again?

[Jaxx]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.

[shlingdawg]

1. I concur.

2. Sunglasses are sunglasses. You're only a tool if you still wear the 80's Varnet's. (I know that's bound to offend someone around here.)

3. Concur. Attnetion whores for sure.

4. Anything gold shouldn't be worn by a white guy. Including gold watches, rings and bracelets.

5. Hawaiian shirts are lame. Even in Hawaii.

6. I have no opinion as I've never heard of that magazine.

7. Belt clip cell phone or Crackberry holsters are okay by me, if you're dressed in business attire and your coat covers it up. When the pants companies start putting an extra pocket on the front just for cell phones, I'll start using that instead of a holster or clip. Don't wear it when you're wearing casual clothes.

8. I support cause wristbands. Choose one, and only one. Too many makes you look like the only cause you're supporting is the lesbian-gay community (which I neither support nor condone).

9. Pleats of any kind, on any manner of dress should be left in the last century. Knee length are okay by me. I do not want to see your nasty hairy legs nor do I care to know which religion you belong to.

10. Croc's belong to children. That is all.

[rockgremlin]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.


concur


If this is the latest fashion, count me out!

http://ultranow.typepad.com/ultranow/images/short_shorts1.jpg

[gonzo]

7. Belt clip cell phone or Crackberry holsters are okay by me, if you're dressed in business attire and your coat covers it up. When the pants companies start putting an extra pocket on the front just for cell phones, I'll start using that instead of a holster or clip. Don't wear it when you're wearing casual clothes.

The only people I know who regularly wear a suit jacket are tools. It's part of the territory.

[Iceaxe]

You make the call....

Legendary canyoneer MK.

http://www.summitpost.org/images/original/59475.JPG

[ericchile]

Or you do anything like these guys....

[shlingdawg]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.


concur


If this is the latest fashion, count me out!

http://ultranow.typepad.com/ultranow/images/short_shorts1.jpg

DANGLE!
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/121/299155663_a092094e89_o.jpg

[savanna3313]

What is wrong with shorts that go to your knees. I am going to say the opposite is for tools. I don't want to see any hairy man thighs in short shorts.


concur


If this is the latest fashion, count me out!

http://ultranow.typepad.com/ultranow/images/short_shorts1.jpg

DANGLE!
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/121/299155663_a092094e89_o.jpg

:roflol: :roflol: :roflol: I was thinking the same thing! :five:

[James_B_Wads2000]

[quote=shlingdawg]

[James_B_Wads2000]

3. Bluetooth Headset - Trust me, you're not that important. You're now just one-degree removed from Lando Calrissian's bald android assistant.


http://www.giantrobot.com/blogs/aaron/uploaded_images/lobot-730459.jpg

[Rev. Coyote]

Too many makes you look like the only cause you're supporting is the lesbian-gay community (which I neither support nor condone).

Comments like that make a person look like a tool.

Other things:

1. Izod shirts with the collars turned up give a guy the King Tool award.

2. Mullets.

3. 4" exhaust tips on Dodge Neons (or any non-diesel vehicle for that matter). Ditto the giant spoilers on cars that can't break 100 mph.

4. Window stickers that show Calvin kneeling at the base of a cross. Those are big around here.

[gonzo]

4. Window stickers that show Calvin kneeling at the base of a cross. Those are big around here.

Window stickers showing Calvin doing anything. C'mon, that joke got old about 10 years ago.

[Rev. Coyote]

4. Window stickers that show Calvin kneeling at the base of a cross. Those are big around here.

Window stickers showing Calvin doing anything. C'mon, that joke got old about 10 years ago.

Yep. REAL old. The religious whackos around here are a trip. At least we lost Jerry Falwell to the Jaws of Death. Good ****ing riddance.

[Iceaxe]

Those blue tooth headsets are total dork!!!

http://img.search.com/thumb/f/f4/LocutusofBorg.jpg/300px-LocutusofBorg.jpg

[nosivad_bor]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bluetool

Bluetool

A person who wears a bluetooth wireless earpiece everywhere they go to seem trendy and important. Places to spot bluetools include movie theaters, malls, restaurants, gyms, grocery stores and cars.

[Scott Card]

Blue tooth is the only way to drive. I push a little button and my phone says"say a command" and I tell it where to call and boom, call made. Hands free all the way except the one touch to the ear piece. And yes I remove it as I exit the car. I NEVER wear it when I am anywhere in public and I wear it on my inside ear when driving so people on my left think I am talking to the voices in my head. :haha: I do agree that Bluetooth in public is lame.

[Rev. Coyote]

Blue tooth is the only way to drive. I push a little button and my phone says"say a command" and I tell it where to call and boom, call made. Hands free all the way except the one touch to the ear piece. And yes I remove it as I exit the car. I NEVER wear it when I am anywhere in public and I wear it on my inside ear when driving so people on my left think I am talking to the voices in my head. :haha: I do agree that Bluetooth in public is lame.

So you figured out it is not a fashion accessory. I commend you.

Once upon a time I was at the SLC airport, and happened to have a zuchini in my backpack (make up any joke you please). Anyhow, I started talking loudly into the zuchinni after having gotten fed up with all the little "business boys" talking loudly into their cell phones. The scary thing is NO ONE NOTICED! No one.

[R]

My wife wears a Bluetooth ear piece, and to be honest, she might be the one person who can make it sexy. I particularly like it when she forgets about it and I gently brush her honey hair away from her soft neck to take it off for her and ...

Mmmm. When is she supposed to be home again?

[gonzo]

Ewww...bluetool sex.

[Iceaxe]

Ewww...bluetool sex.

Agreed

:puke8:

[Kent K25]

Guilty of #1, but I actually only do it to avoid looking like a tool. The only hats that fit my head well are the New Era MLB ones. Problem is most of them come way too gangster looking at first. They have to be worn in a bit to not look like I'm a wannabe whitey gangster. Maybe it's due to my skinny head/face.

But when I get a new hat I wear it backwards until it is a bit more weathered and the cotton/wool shrinks it down to a more normal size. The crown of the hats are just too big to start with.

I'm actually wearing a still semi-new hat right now, it's on backwards because I put it on forward this morning, looked in the mirror and didn't want the wigger look.

[Iceaxe]

And we need to add.... guys on mopeds to the list.

Yo dude... Nice menstrual cycle!!! :roflol:

http://www.milkandhoneyfarm.com/diary/images/moped.jpg

[abirken]

This whole thread is just WRONG. I can't look at it anymore. HAHA!!! I know many people that could fit the above descriptions. MANY!

[Alex]

*sigh* I'd be one of them :eek2:

[denaliguide]

i could possibly resemble that remark. hawaiian shirts, phone on hip, shorts to the knee. that would be me on some days.

[Iceaxe]

*sigh* I'd be one of them :eek2:

Word!

I hate to say this Alex, but when we go hiking you look like the total tourist.

:roflol:

[Sombeech]

I hate to say this Alex, but when we go hiking you look like the total tourist.

Bwahahaha- hey wait, who are the chicks?

[Iceaxe]

Oh yeah... maybe I forgot to mention. In addition to the tourist look Alex is a total babe magnet.

But be careful.... he attracts the really kinky ones.

:eek2:

[Sombeech]

In addition to the tourist look Alex is a total babe magnet.

By the direction the babes are walking, his magnetic poles must be reversed.

[Iceaxe]

Hey... Alex has captured their attention. That's all you really need from a good wingman. His work is done at this point in the trip.

:naughty:

[sparker1]

Blue tooth is the only way to drive. I push a little button and my phone says"say a command" and I tell it where to call and boom, call made. Hands free all the way except the one touch to the ear piece. And yes I remove it as I exit the car. I NEVER wear it when I am anywhere in public and I wear it on my inside ear when driving so people on my left think I am talking to the voices in my head. :haha: I do agree that Bluetooth in public is lame.

So, you're a closet tool?