The Hammer

[DirkHammergate]

is getting divorced... I need a rebound girl.

PM me LJ, I'm a great time, plus I've decided to completely start over and go back to my roots. I'm chucking the springbar (well, just letting the ex have everything as she steamrolls me into oblivion) and going back to backpacking gear. I'm stocking up over the winter and getting my 7 and 4 year old sweet bags and gear for a summer of single dad fun.

That is all.

Dirk

[snatch]

good luck, god speed, and god bless.

[DirkHammergate]

good luck, god speed, and god bless.

In all seriousness, thanks and I'm going to need it. I feel totally overwhelmed at the prospects of raising two little boys as a single dad.

[Scott Card]

Good luck. I have gone through this with hundreds of clients but not personally. Things that seem to help them in similar situations are to surround yourself with good supportive family members and/or friends. Do like they do in football. When the game is tight, there is confusion on the field, or things seem not-right, call a time out and talk to the coach. Whether it be God, a trusted friend or family member or even a counselor, don't be afraid to talk and ask for help/advice. Men have a hard time with this but it really can relieve a lot of stress and pressure.

Next, don't put your kids in the middle of this by bad mouthing your ex in front of them or in front of others who will tell your ex or the kids. Whether you and your ex can talk or work out problems in the future or whether she is an evil jerk, she is still the mother of the kids. Kids are smart and will grow away from you if evil mom becomes the excuse and reason for every bad thing that happens.

Finally, time will fix most problems and mend most hearts if you hang in there. You don't have to be perfect and the incredible thing about kids is that they are very forgiving and forgetful. Just do your best and love them, you are their hero and dad. NO ONE can take your place as imperfect or overwhelmed as you may think you are, no one.

I am sure you have already heard all this before but what the heck. It was free advice. My prayers are with you and your kids. Tough time right now, better times in the future.

[Iceaxe]

Yeah.... I'ver been through this one before..... and here is my advice....

The best way to get over one woman is to climb on top of anther :2thumbs:

:popcorn:

[DirkHammergate]

Good luck. I have gone through this with hundreds of clients but not personally. Things that seem to help them in similar situations are to surround yourself with good supportive family members and/or friends. Do like they do in football. When the game is tight, there is confusion on the field, or things seem not-right, call a time out and talk to the coach. Whether it be God, a trusted friend or family member or even a counselor, don't be afraid to talk and ask for help/advice. Men have a hard time with this but it really can relieve a lot of stress and pressure.

Next, don't put your kids in the middle of this by bad mouthing your ex in front of them or in front of others who will tell your ex or the kids. Whether you and your ex can talk or work out problems in the future or whether she is an evil jerk, she is still the mother of the kids. Kids are smart and will grow away from you if evil mom becomes the excuse and reason for every bad thing that happens.

Finally, time will fix most problems and mend most hearts if you hang in there. You don't have to be perfect and the incredible thing about kids is that they are very forgiving and forgetful. Just do your best and love them, you are their hero and dad. NO ONE can take your place as imperfect or overwhelmed as you may think you are, no one.

I am sure you have already heard all this before but what the heck. It was free advice. My prayers are with you and your kids. Tough time right now, better times in the future.

#1 - Thanks for the advice, I have an amazing family and support system, my soon to be former wife is getting good family support too. I've received counsel from my parents, brothers and sisters, her dad, her siblings, and I have a really great therapist I work with weekly. Unfortunately she is not feeling the need to accept any sort of counselling at the moment. I've found it to be really helpful in navigating through this time as I look to a sudden and complete life change.

#2 - Neither one of us has said a negative word about each other to our two boys. I do anticipate this to continue as we are both very committed to making sure they are happy. I have them from Thursday to Monday (typically 3 to 4 days) and she'll take them for the bulk of the school week. I refuse to bad mouth her in front of the boys, she's a fantastic mom, I'm still totally in love with her, and I'd do anything to ensure the boys happiness.

#3 - I do believe our problems are fixable, honestly, I'm going lay low for the next year to year and a 1/2 just focusing on work and the boys. I know she is unhappy with many things, I hope she can find something that makes her happy and that ultimately could be me and the boys. I'd like nothing more than to be that guy she feel in love with and married 12 years ago. I really want to do what is best for the two special boys I have now, that will be my focus as I move forward.

#4 - I appreciate the well wishes, its been the hardest three months of my life. I'm starting to get a better grip on things. You have really solid advice. Thanks Scott.

[DirkHammergate]

Yeah.... I'ver been through this one before..... and here is my advice....

The best way to get over one woman is to climb on top of anther :2thumbs:

:popcorn:

Duly noted.... Thanks

[DirkHammergate]

Here is Team Hammer one fine November 2005 day on Zuma beach in Malibu. That ava sure makes things shrink like I just got out of the pool... These two boys rule.

[DirkHammergate]

Anyone who wants to wear a "Team Hammer" tee shirt feel free....

Something like this:

http://images.cafepress.com/product/27737192_150x150_Front_Color-BlackWhite.JPG

[rockgremlin]

Cute kids. I hope all works out for the best.

Is nitmik still maintaining his forum? What does See and the rest have to say about your latest news?

[DirkHammergate]

Cute kids. I hope all works out for the best.

Is nitmik still maintaining his forum? What does See and the rest have to say about your latest news?

Thanks, yea, basically the same thing Scott said except See thinks I should get on the first female I come across. I'm kind of reluctant to do that just cause I'm still reeling from the wife walking away on me in such a short amount of time. I have to deal with some trust and relationship issues before I dive in again, well, unless LJ wants to pm me.

[Iceaxe]

I have to deal with some trust and relationship issues before I dive in again.

Oh my god, you are making my head hurt..... too much Dr. Phil.....

We ain't talking about buying the cow here..... just hangin' with some fun time party girls....

:friday: :getiton: :cheers: :feelgood:



ps: I resized your pic, hope ya don't mind.....

[savanna3313]

Here is Team Hammer one fine November 2005 day on Zuma beach in Malibu. That ava sure makes things shrink like I just got out of the pool... These two boys rule.

Dang darlin'!! Anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Matthew McConaughey? You won't be solo for long! :2thumbs:

[savanna3313]

Yeah.... I'ver been through this one before..... and here is my advice....

The best way to get over one woman is to climb on top of anther :2thumbs:

:popcorn:

So, this advice would work for women as well who are getting over a man? Just climb up on top of another? :ne_nau: Geez.....it's that simple, eh? :haha:

:popcorn:

[savanna3313]

Good luck. I have gone through this with hundreds of clients but not personally. Things that seem to help them in similar situations are to surround yourself with good supportive family members and/or friends. Do like they do in football. When the game is tight, there is confusion on the field, or things seem not-right, call a time out and talk to the coach. Whether it be God, a trusted friend or family member or even a counselor, don't be afraid to talk and ask for help/advice. Men have a hard time with this but it really can relieve a lot of stress and pressure.

Next, don't put your kids in the middle of this by bad mouthing your ex in front of them or in front of others who will tell your ex or the kids. Whether you and your ex can talk or work out problems in the future or whether she is an evil jerk, she is still the mother of the kids. Kids are smart and will grow away from you if evil mom becomes the excuse and reason for every bad thing that happens.

Finally, time will fix most problems and mend most hearts if you hang in there. You don't have to be perfect and the incredible thing about kids is that they are very forgiving and forgetful. Just do your best and love them, you are their hero and dad. NO ONE can take your place as imperfect or overwhelmed as you may think you are, no one.

I am sure you have already heard all this before but what the heck. It was free advice. My prayers are with you and your kids. Tough time right now, better times in the future.

Reading this brings tears to my eyes. Well said Scott! :nod:

[Sombeech]

Good luck bud. That's too bad.

[accadacca]

Dang man that sucks. You sound like your headed in the right direction. Good luck...the uutah posse is here for you. :2thumbs:

[DirkHammergate]

[Dang darlin'!! Anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Matthew McConaughey? You won't be solo for long! :2thumbs:

You are being waaay too kind, but if anyone wants to lump the Hammer with what People Magazine calls "the Sexiest Man Alive" so be it, says me. Actually, you should see how hot my soon to be ex wife is, damn, we were like one of those families where people put the XMas card in the center of their fridge for the year. I really don't want to be solo, I miss being a family too much still but I'm sure eventually I'll be able to move on.

BTW - Thanks for the well wishes everyone, there is always two sides to the story as well.

[Shan]

I am sorry Dirk. I wish you the best of luck.

[DirkHammergate]

I am sorry Dirk. I wish you the best of luck.

thanks, in two hours I get to review assets and debt split (me taking the debt and her taking the assets), child support agreements, and the draft of my divorce papers, all of which I've done myself because she's too busy but wants a divorce immediately.

I'm not bitter...

[Scott Card]

Ohhhhh Man. The red flags are a flyin'. :nono: Any paperwork you two sign you must live with. To modify a divorce decree after the fact is time consuming and costly and difficult. If your agreement and concessions are made in hopes she may come back, bad idea my friend. If you are giving her an unfair split out of guilt, love, sadness or any other emotion, you may regret it in 6 months. Like I said before, time heals. When the emotion of the moment is over, (and this seems to be more true for men than women,) the regret sets in, you know, the "what was I thinking when I signed that" type of regret. Careful. A decree of divorce is the law as it relates to you and your wife. It is enforceable and holds weight. The "I really didn't mean it" statement after the fact doesn't work in court. The judge goes by the letter of the law - IE the divorce decree language.

Take a step back and think this thing through. Get an independent opinion as to the paperwork particularly if you prepared it yourself. Divorce stinks, don't add to the stench by agreeing to something now that you will regret later. I'm not trying to impose but I see this happen way too much which ultimately results in way too much time and money being used to fix a bad initial decree of divorce. Hope this helps.

[Iceaxe]

What's the old saying..... something about.... "Only a fool represents himself".

Dude, you are messing up...... you can prepare the docs and stuff, but get an attorney to look over your docs, a few bucks spent now will pay off BIG!

And you are doing this FAST because she wants it????? Pleeeesssseeeee...... CRACK o' the whip!!!!!

[DirkHammergate]

Ohhhhh Man. The red flags are a flyin'. :nono: Any paperwork you two sign you must live with. To modify a divorce decree after the fact is time consuming and costly and difficult. If your agreement and concessions are made in hopes she may come back, bad idea my friend. If you are giving her an unfair split out of guilt, love, sadness or any other emotion, you may regret it in 6 months. Like I said before, time heals. When the emotion of the moment is over, (and this seems to be more true for men than women,) the regret sets in, you know, the "what was I thinking when I signed that" type of regret. Careful. A decree of divorce is the law as it relates to you and your wife. It is enforceable and holds weight. The "I really didn't mean it" statement after the fact doesn't work in court. The judge goes by the letter of the law - IE the divorce decree language.

Take a step back and think this thing through. Get an independent opinion as to the paperwork particularly if you prepared it yourself. Divorce stinks, don't add to the stench by agreeing to something now that you will regret later. I'm not trying to impose but I see this happen way too much which ultimately results in way too much time and money being used to fix a bad initial decree of divorce. Hope this helps.

Yes, I've actually contacted a lawyer for review. We sat down yesterday and we cleared the air for about an hour because I felt like she was holding on to so many non-issues which would ultimately effect us with the kids. Basically I reamed her about support structure, debt relief, her job situation, and everything under the sun. The result was she became very contrite, admitted she is overwhelmed, doesn't know what she is going to do about finances and getting a new job, etc... Its shit like that I can help her through, getting her on her feet, making rational decisions, giving her some encouragement but when I'm completely shut off I can't do it. I told her for the first time that even though I loved her and she loved me that didn't mean "I want to move back in". There is no way I can and I don't see it happening in the future because so many changes need to be made if it were.

She did agree that my support structure was more than fair, I have a tiered agreement over the first year where I load up the first six months and reduce it from 6-12 months then give her a fixed amount until the boys are done with High School. I'm being more than generous, its not to get her back, its get make sure my kids don't suffer.

Thanks for the advice though. Yesterday was really key for me to stand up to things that were being perp'd by her.

[LJ]

Hey Dirk -

I step out for a few weeks and come back to this. I sure hope it all works out for you and the boys. It will take awhile before life feels "normal" for you again. Let us know what we can do to help and yep we are all members of "team hammer" with you.

Love Sucks


L

[DirkHammergate]

Hey Dirk -

I step out for a few weeks and come back to this. I sure hope it all works out for you and the boys. It will take awhile before life feels "normal" for you again. Let us know what we can do to help and yep we are all members of "team hammer" with you.

Love Sucks


L

Thanks my lovely one... actually there isn't a thing anyone can do but line up behind "Team Hammer", Axe might sport a "Team Mrs_Hammer" shirt.... who knows?

I've actually gotten really good advice from numerous sources, including some in this thread. I've come to terms with the fact that things really fell apart and I had significant responsibility in the failures of my marriage. It takes two to really screw things up but I've taken it really hard. I've just come to terms with making sure my two boys remain happy little kids, adjusted teens, and future college graduates. If I can do that I'll have salvaged a lot of the damage I feel at the moment.

Thanks for the wishes.

[hesse15]

Thanks my lovely one... actually there isn't a thing anyone can do but line up behind "Team Hammer", Axe might sport a "Team Mrs_Hammer" shirt.... who knows?

I've actually gotten really good advice from numerous sources, including some in this thread. I've come to terms with the fact that things really fell apart and I had significant responsibility in the failures of my marriage. It takes two to really screw things up but I've taken it really hard. I've just come to terms with making sure my two boys remain happy little kids, adjusted teens, and future college graduates. If I can do that I'll have salvaged a lot of the damage I feel at the moment.

Thanks for the wishes.

Hi Dirk
so sorry about hearing all of this
from your previous posts looks like you were an happy team
perhaps was only internet BS
I just hope you will figure out what was wrong and what can be done better for the future
I am hoping the kids will be fine
at first will be really tough but you will survive
take your time to heal and after see what is out there
hopefully thing will be getting better and if it means to e you go back with your wife good otherwise perhaps there are better future for the 2 of you out there
my best wishes
take an hobby and do sports
that can help clear your mind too

[Iceaxe]

Axe might sport a "Team Mrs_Hammer" shirt.... who knows?

If I was on her side I would have asked ya for her phone number :roflol:

Nope.... I'm part of Team Hammer :2thumbs:

Relationship Revenge (http://www.doodie.com/relationship_breakup_e.php) - Why go to couple's therapy when ya got Ice to help out???

:popcorn:

[DirkHammergate]

If I was on her side I would have asked ya for her phone number :roflol:

Nope.... I'm part of Team Hammer :2thumbs:

Relationship Revenge (http://www.doodie.com/relationship_breakup_e.php) - Why go to couple's therapy when ya got Ice to help out???

:popcorn:

LOL! I'm still waiting for a list of available young strippers... PM me.

[DickHead]

I am sorry Dirk. I wish you the best of luck.

thanks, in two hours I get to review assets and debt split (me taking the debt and her taking the assets), child support agreements, and the draft of my divorce papers, all of which I've done myself because she's too busy but wants a divorce immediately.

I'm not bitter...

Might I suggest you drain the bank account and go on a bender, first. Hookers, pot and booze....
Next....consider taking your wedding ring, and making it into a nifty necklace. My uncle in law turned his into a necklace pendant. He put a red slash across the open portion....much like a 'don't' sign....

[Iceaxe]

LOL! I'm still waiting for a list of available young strippers... PM me.

Now days I think you go straight to posting a personal ad on the net. All the single guys who work for me do it and most the single guys I climb with do it. And all these gentleman seem to be swimming in internet women.....

:five: