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View Full Version : Something for you pups to look forward to!



Windwalker
07-15-2006, 07:24 AM
Whenever I come to uutah I go straight to the Jokes hoping someone here still has a sense of humor. Lighten up and laugh a little. Life is to short to be taken seriously.


Getting Older, everyone gets a turn.

Three older ladies were discussing the trials of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second Lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table. Then she said, "That must be the door..... I'll get it!"




YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING "MARVELOUSLY MATURE" WHEN.....

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear "snap, crackle, pop" and you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

8. When happy hour is a nap.

9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..

10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired

15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.

20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.

25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.

27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.


GROWING OLD IS NOT FOR THE TIMID!, JR
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.