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Windwalker
05-28-2006, 03:12 PM
THE WORLDS WORST COP JOKE:

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG!!!
"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
Quasimodo came out and said...
"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"



THE TRUTH:
How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!



CRIMINAL VOCATIONS:

A workman was killed at a construction site.
The police began questioning a number of the other workers. Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects.
The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.
The carpenter who thought he was a stud was once arrested for murder but was never nailed.
The window glazier went to great panes to conceal his past.
The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.
The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor is known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.
The mason gets stoned regularly and his alibi is as solid as a rock.
The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.
So who did it?
The window glazier. But he claims he was framed.



A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH:

A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding--but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."



GREAT ONE LINER:
"Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."


HOT DATE:

A guy on a date parks his car and gets the girl in the back seat. They make love, but the girl wants to make love again so the guy complies. She wants more and they do it once again.
She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute, I have to relieve myself."
While out of the car he notices a man half a block away changing a flat. He asks the man "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've made love to her four or five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me."
So that's what the man does and he is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them.
The cop asks "What are you doing in there?"
The guy says "I'm making love to my wife."
The cop asks "Why don't you do that at home?"
The guy answers, "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her."



HONEST TO GAWD this happened to me:

Years ago I pulled over a car, sure that its driver was DUI. The driver, a local girl and not DUI, was giggling to herself and obviously enjoying herself. The keyword "Herself." I explained the reason for the stop. Her defense was "Officer Randy, I didn't know it was against the law to drive under the influence of self induce orgasm."
HOW CAN YOU ARGUE WITH THAT AND KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?!?!?!

R
06-24-2006, 12:49 PM
THE WORLDS WORST COP JOKE:

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG!!!
"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
Quasimodo came out and said...
"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

"I don't know his name either, but he's a dead ringer for the hunchback."