What would You do?

[Superriffic S*]

...

[accadacca]

Very nice use of colors S*.

Ok, I think the couples friendship is OVER. I mean who could survive that? It sounds like Harry and Doris might or already did have a good thing going. Should they be in the same room? Well that one is obvious.

All joking aside this is sad. I hate hearing about this kind of stuff....just bums me out. :sad: You know if you don't care for your partner anymore, then bite the bullet and get a divorce. Its just chicken shiz to fool around behind their back. My $0.02. :blahblah:

[Iceaxe]

OK.... here is the deal.... if you are a friend on the outside stay COMPLETELY out of it. When asked ANYthing your answer is "I value the friendship of all involved and prefer not to be placed in a position that might cause further hard feelings". Any true friend will respect this answer.....

........now, since you are a woman we can pretty much guess this is NOT the path you have chosen and you are now hip deep in the crap....

So... the only way to solve this food fight is for Sally to sleep with Boris.... or they could all jump in the hot tub together naked.... or they should never speak to the other couple again......... but please take note.... 'friends on the outside' are not included in ANY of the above situations.....

:blbl:

[DirkHammergate]

I have some friends (two couples) who aren't friends anymore because one spouse screwed around with the other spouse, right... :blxsuspicious: So, there is a HUGE chasm between all of our friends now; the husband of the one couple (that fooled around with the wife of the other couple)... Okay, this is confusing... I will make code names... Couple 1: Husband:Harry and Wife:Sally / Couple 2: Husband:Boris and Wife:Doris.

Okay, so Harry fooled around :feelgood: with Doris and Doris comes clean to Boris about it, right? Turns out that this "affair" went on for A YEAR AND A HALF!!! It takes Harry 6 weeks (after Doris tells Boris) to tell Sally. (I can't believe he waited 6 weeks!) We (my husband and I) used to hang out with both of these couples on a pretty regular basis, until this happened. This has been upsetting to all involved. I think that both couples are trying to work things out in their respective marriages... But, we have all been friends now for about 6 years...

So, the "what would you do" part is here now... If you were in this situation... what would you do (if you were them) (or if you were a friend on the outside) what would you do? Do you think that the two couples that are in question should try to salvage the friendship? Who should you hang out with and should you feel obligated to give information about each couple to the other couple if they ask? If the two couples did salvage the friendship... Would you ever trust Harry and Doris alone in the same room again :nono: ? Take this and run... Discuss.. or not, but I need advice, so please help me out here.

You're in a tough spot, my wife and I have been through numerous situations like this which include my wife's parents, our siblings, best friends over an 11 year period, in fact, we were little pups when we got married and my wife is 2nd youngest out of 4 siblings and 2 parents, we have the longest running marriage. Ok, ok, bottom line, I don't have an answer for you other than focus on your man, Hammergate suggests focusing on your relationship, be best friends, lovers, whatever, don't compromise the things that are most important to you and your spouse. If that means removing yourself for a significant time, so be it. I'd error on the side of caution....

Just my opinion.

[savanna3313]

I would agree that it would be best to stay outside of the hornet's nest and just not say anything if asked relying on the fact that you are friends with both parties and don't want to alienate anyone. jmho

In addition.....I would keep my husband away from Doris! :five:

just j/k......good luck

[Glockguy]

For me if I was involved it would also depend on what "screwing around" meant. Screwing around figuratively?

[derstuka]

IMHO....I would say that I would probably never trust those two in a room again, even if they might not be fooling around. The trust was broken between the friends, and I think that it would be very hard to mend it, and maybe impossible with full trust. This exact thing happened at my work. Two married couples (friends) had a husband and a wife of the opposite couple get caught screwing (in my ex-boss's office) by the janitor crew. Needless to say, the entire life-long friendship was shattered.

I say if you are married, be faithful to your spouse, otherwise problems arise. Even if it is something kinky like inviting another woman/person into your party. A guy and his wife that I used to know invited a woman to engage in debauchery with them. Well, after the fact, the husband and the woman kept screwing on the side, and they ended up getting a divorce.

Once another person enters the arena, where are the rules then? I mean, you have already invited one person, what is to say that anybody is not game now. To me, the mutual (marriage) bond between only the two of you has been broken once you invite another person (regardless if it is the same sex as the spouse) into your life like. You might as well, not be married, and just be swingers then...afterall, marriage would not have much meaning then, would it?

Ok, I will get off my soapbox now...

[rockgremlin]

Well, if they were friends for 6 years, then it sounds like a friendship that was pretty stable when all this went down. That said, all due respect should remain intact. In other words, after the proverbial beans have been spilt, Harry and Sally and Boris and Doris should make a concerted effort to not slander the other couple (besides being childish, it adds fuel to the fire). This also keeps otions open for the friendship to be mended down the road.

Also, the two couples should concentrate their efforts on two things:

1. Put more emphasis on their perspective marriages

and

2. Put less emphasis on the friendship

I think if the friendship is re-instated, it is something that obviously won't happen right away. Months or years could elapse before that happens again. And when it does happen, obviously Harry and Doris shouldn't be alone again. :nono:

Just my $0.02...

[Iceaxe]

So.... you don't happen to have Doris's phone number handy do you?

:getiton: :hitit: :naughty:

[DickHead]

Screw both couples (figuratively, of course) and go find new friends.

[Superriffic S*]

...

[DickHead]

That's just the thing... do you pretend that the two couples in question never met? We have pictures and all sorts of memories with both parties (couples). How do you "erase" 6 years?

There is always option C
Make it clear to both couples that you continue to be friends with the other couple, and you have no interest in being put in the middle. Basically tell them as far as you're concerned you don't care and don't want to know, and that you will respect the distance between both couples. If they ain't okay with that, then you don't need 'em.

[greyhair biker]

Speaking from experience it will never be 'comfortable' again. The couple in 'the act' will never be able to be around each other without being reminded of it. Sad but true...should have just kept their hands to themselves

[Superriffic S*]

...

[Mtnbiker]

That's just the thing... do you pretend that the two couples in question never met? We have pictures and all sorts of memories with both parties (couples). How do you "erase" 6 years?

There is always option C
Make it clear to both couples that you continue to be friends with the other couple, and you have no interest in being put in the middle. Basically tell them as far as you're concerned you don't care and don't want to know, and that you will respect the distance between both couples. If they ain't okay with that, then you don't need 'em.

This looks like the best idea so far. You keep your sanity by not being in the middle as a mediator figure, and you still get to keep both couples as friends.

It does stink though that you may not be able to do anything as the 6 of you again.... :frustrated:

[greyhair biker]

The hardest thing is the trust after that. It takes along time with the other parties NOT being around, let alone having them around...and it's always painful regardless of what the 'forgiving' party says. In order for it to heal at all it has to be a clean cut...jagged edges always leave bigger scars.